Super SpongeBob Bros
by Latias425
Summary: A series of one-shots based on classic SpongeBob episodes featuring Smash Bros. characters.
1. Pizza Delivery

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode One: Pizza Delivery

It was closing time at the Smash Burger resturaunt, and Dark Pit was waiting impatiently to go home.

"Hurry up with those chairs, Pit." Dark Pit said. "It's after closing, and I'd like to go... _home_!"

Pit was cleaning the tables when suddenly, the phone rang. "I got it! I got it! Coming!" Pit exclaimed as he raced for the phone, but Dark Pit beat him to it.

"Hello? Sorry sir, we're closed-" Dark Pit was unable to finish before Mario grabbed the phone from him.

"Hello there, Smash Burger, how can I help you?" Mario asked on the phone. "Pizza?" Dollar signs appeared in Mario's eyes. "Of course we have pizza."

"Uh..Mr. Mario.." Dark Pit began.

"Our delivery angel will bring it right over." Mario finished as he threw the phone away.

"Mr. Mario, we don't serve pizza." Dark Pit said. Mario then took a burger and turned it into a pizza.

"We don't deliver."

"We don't deliver, but _you_ do." Mario replied as he shoved the pizza at Dark Pit.

"Can't you just get Pit to do it?" Dark Pit asked.

"Great idea. Take him with you." Mario said as Pit moved next to Dark Pit with a smile. "That's not what I had in mind!"

(Line Break)

Dark Pit impatiently sat in the car as Pit examined it. "Front end. Check. Intenna. Check. Bumber. Check. Bumper Sticker. Check." Pit uncapped the tire pressure and sucked some of thae air and began to float slightly. "TIRE PRESSURE!" Pit shouted in a very high pitched voice. He then blew the air in Dark Pit's face. "Check." Pit said in his normal voice. "Vehicle inspection complete! We're really making history here, Pittoo!" Pit said excitedly. "That lucky customer, is going to get the first Smash Bros. pizza ever!"

"Good." Dark Pit grumbled. "Then you drive."

"I can't, I'm still in driving school."

"Come on Pit, it's just around the corner."

"Well...yeah, but..."

"Just do what you do in school."

"Well...okay." Pit said nervously. "Wait, don't tell me."

"Back it up."

"Huh?"

"Back it up."

"Right, back it out." Pit said nervously as he tried to start the car.

"Back it up!" Dark Pit yelled. "Okay, okay." Pit said.

"Shift into reverse, Pit!" Dark Pit said.

"Reverse? Oh yeah, reverse." Pit nervously said as he tried to start the car again, but looked at the gear as if it were in Chinese.

"BACK IT UP!" Dark Pit yelled again, which made Pit pull on the backward gear hard. "Backing up!" Pit yelled as the car speed backwards. "Backing up!"

"Give me the wheel, Pit! Give me the wheel!" Dark Pit yelled as he tried to grab hold of the steering wheel.

"Backing up! Backing up!" They then drove over a bumpy area with rocks and the car started spinning out of control.

(Line Break)

The next morning, the car was still backing up into a desert. "Backing up. Backing up. Backing up. Backing up." The car suddenly stopped with no fuel left. "Backing up."

"Well, you backed up." Dark Pit said. "And you know what, I think we're out of gas." He said as he pointed at the gas monitor in which the needle was pointed towards the empty sign. "And you know what else?" Dark Pit said as he stepped out of the car. "We're in the middle of nowhere!"

"And you know what else else?" Pit added. "I think the pizza's getting cold."

"And the pizza's cold! Oh, the pizza's cold. Not the pizza! Oh, how can it get any worse?" Dark Pit kicked the car, causing the engine to start up again and it began driving away, leaving the two angels stranded.

"Well, we can still deliver it on foot."

(Line Break)

The two angels began to walk along the road. Dark Pit was constantly complaining about his feet hurting while Pit bagan to sing.

"The Super Smash Pizza, is the pizza, for you and me. The Super Smash Pizza, is the pizza..."

"...And my feet are killing me." Dark Pit grumbled as he suddenly tripped over Pit, who was lying on the ground. "Pit-stain, what are you doing?"

"It's an old pioneer trick." Pit explained as he rubbed the ground. "I saw it in a movie once."

"Pit, this is no time for-"

"Shh! It's working."

"What is it?"

"Truck! Sixteen wheels!" Pit pointed to the road where a truck with sixteen wheels was approaching. "Now I can show you how the pioneers hitchiked." Pit walked to the middle of the road, wearing an oversized hat, and began doing a weird dance while Dark Pit was rattling spoons.

"Crashin' frashin' breakdancers!" The truck driver yelled as he honked his horn.

"He's stopping! He's stopping!" Dark Pit realized that Pit wasn't stopping and the truck approached closer. Dark Pit grabbed Pit out of the way just as the was about to run him over.

(Line Break)

The two angels continued to walk through the desert, where a strong wind was blowing. Pit continued his pizza song. "The Super Smash pizza, is the pizza, for you and me. The Super Smash pizza, is the pizza, free delivery. The Super Smash pizza, is the pizza, very ta-asty." Pit was suddenly blown away from the intense wind.

"Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?" Dark Pit growled.

"I can't, it's for the customer."

"Who cares about the customer?"

"I do!"

"Well, I don't!"

Everything suddenly stopped and Pit gasped. "Pittoo!" The wind started up again.

"Let go of the pizza!"

"No!" Pit ran over Dark Pit, causing him to trip.

"Ow. Pit!" Dark Pit grabbed Pit's legs. "Let go of the pizza!"

"No! It's for the customer!"

"Pit!" Dark Pit saw that they were approaching a tornado. "Let go of the pizza!"

"Nooo!"

"Pit!" Dark Pit looked down and saw that they were being lifted by the tornado. "Hang on to the pizza!" The tornado then spit them both out and they both screamed as they both fell towards the earth. Luckily, Pit was able to use the pizza as a parachute, but Dark Pit landed hard on the ground. "Hey! Hey! Where's the road?" Dark Pit looked around and saw that there was nothing but desert. "Where's the road? We're doomed!" Dark Pit began to panic. "How are we gonna get home, which way do we go? What are we gonna do now, there's no road here!"

Pit landed and looked at a nearby rock. "I think town's this way."

"Oh, don't tell me Jethro. The pioneers?"

"That's right." Pit said. "Moss always points to civilization."

"That way? That way there?" Dark Pit asked. Pit nodded. "So let me get this straight, you think that we should go that way?"

"Yep."

"Well then I'm going this way." Dark Pit said as he began to walk the other way.

"Huh? Pittoo, wait! I don't think..."

"Trust me, I know where I'm going." In the other direction there was a city. The two angels continued to walk as Pit continued his pizza song once again.

"The Super Smash pizza, is the pizza absolutivally."

 _Later_

"SUPER SMAYAYAYAYAYAYASH, PIZZA IS THE PIZZA, YEAH, FOR YOU AND...MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

(Line Break)

Some time later, the two angels began to feel exhausted from walking. They then were both lying face down on the ground, exhausted from the heat.

"Pit, we've got to eat something."

Pit pulled out a stick from the ground. "I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat sticks." Dark Pit grabbed the stick from Pit and ate it. "No, maybe it wasn't sticks." Dark Pit began to spit out the pieces of the stick. "Maybe it was sand, no, no, mud."

"Give me the pizza!"

"Wait, I remember now, it was sticks!"

"Give it to me!"

"No! We promised it was for the customer."

"You're right. It's for the customer." Dark Pit grinned with his signature Dark Pit grin.

"Yeah..."

"Maybe we better check on it, make sure it's okay."

"Well..."

"Just a peek."

"Okay, it's fine."

"No! I think I saw something!" They opened the pizza box. "Nope, I was wrong, looks okay. Sure is a fine looking pizza."

"Yeah."

"What's that, is that the cheese?" Dark Pit said smugly.

"Yeah."

"And the pepperoni?"

Pit's mouth watered. "Yeah..."

"Oh, looks good huh?"

"Wait a second!" Pit said, snapping out of his trance. "I know what you're trying to do, Pittoo! I'm not letting you eat the pizza!"

"Give me that pizza!"

"No!

"Don't make me take it away from you!"

"Get away!" Pit began to run away with the pizza.

"Come back here, Pit. Give me the pizza!" Dark Pit began to chase after Pit.

"No!"

"Pit!"

"No!"

"Pit!"

"No!" Pit yelled as he continued to run. Dark Pit stopped running, panting from exhaustion. "No! No!' Pit then ran right into Dark Pit.

"I want that pizza, and you're gonna hand it over one way or another!"

"Look! We're saved!"

"Sure, we're saved. NOW GIVE ME SOME PIZZA!"

"No, really Pittoo! We're saved! We're saved! We're saved!"

"Will you cut that out!"

"Saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, saved! Saved, saved! Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! Yeah, we are saved!" Pit sang.

"That's just a stupid boulder."

"It's not just a boulder." Pit sniffed. "It's a rock! A rock! A rock! It's a big, beautiful, old, rock! Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles, and it's in great shape!"

"Will you forget the stupid pioneers?!" Dark Pit yelled as he pounded his fist into his palm. "Haven't you ever noticed that there are none of them left? That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate sticks, and took directions from fungi! And now you're telling me, they thought they could drive..." Pit ran him over with the rock. "...Rocks? Hold on there, Jethro!"

(Line Break)

The two angels finally arrived at the customer's house. "I can't wait to see the look on our customer's face!" Pit said as he jump of the rock and approached the door. He rang the doorbell, looked back and gave a thumbs up as the door opened.

"Yeah?" The customer, King Dedede asked.

"Congratulations sir, your Smash Burger pizza is here!" Pit said triumphantly as he handed King Dedede the pizza.

"Wow, thanks! I've been dying for one of these I-" King Dedede paused for a second. "Where's my drink?"

"What drink?" Pit asked, slightly confused.

"My drink? My Dr. Pepper? Don't tell me you forgot my drink!"

Pit checked through the order. "But, you didn't order any..."

"How am I supposed to eat this pizza without my drink?!" King Dedede yelled. "But...but..." Pit's lips quivered, and tears formed in his eyes. "Didn't you ever once think of the customer?!" King Dedede threw the pizza back at Pit. "You call yourself a delivery boy?! WELL I AIN'T BUYING!" King Dedede yelled as he slammed the door in Pit's face.

Pit walked over to Dark Pit, holding the pizza with a fake smile. "Pit?" Dark Pit asked with concern. "Pit? It's okay. Pit?" Pit dropped the pizza and collapsed to the floor and started to sob. Dark Pit quickly went from concerned to andgry as he grabbed the pizza, walked over to the door and pounded on it.

"Another one?" King Dedede asked in anger. "Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!"

"Well this one's on the HOUSE!" Dark Pit yelled as he slammed the pizza in King Dedede's face.

"Did he change his mind?"

"He sure did." Dark Pit smiled. "Ate the whole thing in one bite."

"No drink?"

"Naw. Now, take me home."

"Are you kidding?" Pit said, now happy again. "We have just enough time to make it back to work!" He backed up and the rock and it turns out that the customer's house was right next to the Smash Burger.

"Work? Oh, my aching feet."


	2. Band Geeks

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 2: Band Geeks

* * *

It was an ordinary day in Smashville. That is, until the quiet atmosphere became plagued by a horrible sound. It turns out that the horrible sound was coming from a house, where Mario was playing his clarinet, rather horribly. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and when Mario opened it, there was someone who looked just like him dressed as a doctor.

"Yeah, uh..we're with the pet hospital down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises."

Mario slammed the door, when suddenly, the phone rang. Mario picked up and answered the phone.

"Hello. You've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the-" Mario played a note in his clarinet.

"Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh old chum?" a familiar voice said.

Mario gasped. "Wario from band class?!"

"I hear you're playing the cash register now."

"Uh... sometimes." Mario stuttered. "How's the mustache?"

Wario plucked his mustache. "It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big fancy band now, and we're supposed to play the Smash Bowl next week."

"The sma-sma-sma...the sma-sma-sma...the sma-sma-sma?!" Mario stammered.

"That's right! I'm living your dreams, Mario. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band would cover for us."

"Ohh, uhh, I..I, uhh..." Mario stuttered.

"I knew it!" Wario laughed. "You don't even have a band. Well, I'm just gonna let you get back to the service industry now."

"HOLD IT!" Mario shouted. "It just so happens that I DON'T sell fast food, I DO have a band, and we're going to play that Smash Bowl. How do you like that, fancy boy?"

"Good luck next Tuesday." Wario said. "I hope the audience brings lots of...Ibuprofen." He then hung up.

"I've got to drum up a marching band fast!" Mario began to panic, but then stopped and began to laugh at his own joke. "Drum..haha...band humor."

* * *

Viridi was walking down the street when she suddenly bumped into a post with a poster on it. She began to read it. "Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?"

"Then become part of the greatest musical sensation ever to hit Smashville." Mewtwo read.

"And be forever adored by thousands of people you don't know." Palutena read.

"Not to mention, free refreshments!" Bowser read with a smile.

"Practice begins tonight. 8:30 sharp." Little Mac read as he was punching a sandbag.

Mario was driving in his car to the band practice. He looked at his watch and it read 8:36. "Stupid music rental clerk made me late. That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow. Heh, elbow, heh. More band humor." Mario entered the auditorium where all of the other smashers were seated with their instruments, talking amongst themselves. Mario then stepped up to the front and raised a hand. "Okay, people, settle down." The room went silent. "Okay now, how many of you have played musical instruments before?"

Mewtwo raised his hand. "Do instruments of torture count?"

"No."

Kirby raised his hand. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

"No, Kirby. Mayonnaise is not an instrument." Kirby raised his hand again. "Horseradish is not an instrument either." Kirby lowered his hand. "That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you." Mario began to laugh while everyone just remained silent.

"When do we get the free food?" Bowser asked.

"Okay. Try to repeat after me." Mario said as he blew a few notes on his clarinet. "Brass section, go!" The brass section which consisted of Rosalina, Peach, and Sonic repeated the notes. "Good. Now the wind!" The wind section which consisted of Palutena, Lucina, and King Dedede repeated the same notes poorly. "Now the drums!" The drummers Pit, Zelda, and Falco looked confused and put their sticks in their mouths and began to blow on them and the sticks blew out of their mouths and pinned Mario to the wall "Too bad that didn't kill me."

* * *

"Let's just try stepping in rhythm." Mario said as he was now holding a baton. "Now, I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five."

Now Pit raised his hand. "Is this the part were we start kicking?"

"No, Pit, that's a chorus line."

Kirby jumped out of his seat. "Kicking? Oh, I wanna do some kicking!" Kirby said as he kicked Viridi.

"Why..you!" Viridi growled, and then began to beat up Kirby. They then went outside and continued to fight as the door slammed behind then. Kirby then screamed from outside the door. There was a long and awkward silence in the building, until the door opened and Kirby poked his head in.

"Whoever's the owner of the white Sedan, you left your lights on." Kirby then walked in the building, revealing that Viridi has stuffed his body in a trombone. Everyone watched as he slowly walked back into he seat. He then sat down and made a noise of a trombone.

 **Day Two**

* * *

The next day, the band was marching on the streets playing very poorly. Mario was leading the band through the streets.

"That's perfect everybody! Smash Bowl here we come! Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, turn! Flag twirlers, let's go! I wanna see some spinning!" The flag twirlers Link and Meta Knight began to twirl their flags faster. "Flag twirlers, let's go! C'mon, move!" The two began to twirl their flags even faster, and they were spinning them so hard, they flew into the air like helicopters. They went on a collision course with a nearby blimp, and then they crashed into it with a huge explosion. Everyone in the band began to mourn except Mario, who just lied down on the ground.

 **Day Three**

* * *

"How's that harmonica solo coming, Mewtwo?" Mario asked.

"It's tremendous!" Mewtwo said. "You wanna see?" Mewtwo then began to play a harmonica which was strangely larger than him. Mewtwo ran back and fourth blowing notes into the harmonica, but eventually he began to run out of breath and then fainted from exhaustion.

 **Day Four**

* * *

"Well, this is our last night together before the show." Mario said. "And I know that you haven't improved since we began." Mario said sheepishly as Kirby tried to eat a trumpet. "But I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart right?"

"Correct!" Mewtwo shouted.

"So if we play loud, people might think we're good. Everybody ready?" Everyone got their instruments ready. "And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four!" The band played so loud and so poorly, the windows shattered and the ground shook. When they finally stopped, Mario's face was deformed and his hat was blown off. The baton he was holding in his hands snapped in half. "Okay new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us."

"Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big meaty claws." Shulk said annoyed.

"What did you say, punk?" Bowser growled, poking Shulk in the chest.

"BIG...MEATY... _ **CLAWS**_ **!** "Shulk repeated.

"Well these claws ain't for just kidnapping princesses."

"Bring it on turtle man. Bring it on!"

Pit walked in between them, trying to stop the fight. "No people, let's be smart and bring it off."

"Oh-ho, so now the freaky bird kid is gonna preach to us!" Lucina said angrily.

"Wait, wait!" Mario said, trying to stop the fighting. "I know tensions are high..." Everyone than began to fight and beat each other up. Captain Falcon and Little Mac began yelling at each other, until Villager slammed a drum on Little Mac. "There's a deposit on that equipment people!" Mario shouted over the fighting. Shulk and Bowser began charging at each other with large woodwinds, but they then tried to screech to a halt but were unable to stop as Palutena slammed them with her cymbals. "Settle down, please!" Mario shouted, trying to stop the fighting. Then Viridi and Falco were fighting. Falco tried to defend himself with a xylophone, but Viridi used drumsticks to knock the keys off the xylophone, and Falco ran away. Kirby then ran up to Viridi and kicked her again. Viridi growled at Kirby and pulled out a trumpet and chased him with it. The clock on the wall struck ten o'clock and everyone suddenly stopped fighting.

"Hey, class is over." Fox said. Everyone then started apologizing to each other and began to walk towards the door. Before they could walk out, the door opened and Mario stood there distraught.

"Well, you did it." Mario said sadly. "You took my one chance at happiness, and crushed it. Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-sized pieces." Mario looked at everybody in shame. "I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that too." A tear ran down Mario's cheek. "Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident." Mario then turned around and began to walk away. "So, thanks. Thanks for nothing."

"Your welcome." Kirby said.

"What kind of monsters are we?" Pit said with remorse. "That poor human came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him. Mario's always been there for us when it was convenient for him. Zelda, when little Toony was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?" Pit asked.

"A fireman." Zelda said.

"And Little Mac, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?"

"Some guy in an ambulance." Little Mac said.

"Right!" Pit smiled. "So if we could all just pretend that Mario was a fireman, or some guy in an ambulance, then I'm sure we could all pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band."

"Yeah, for the fireman!" Shulk shouted, and everyone cheered.

"Now let's make Mario proud!" Pit said as he stood in front to lead the band. "A one, a two, a skiddly diddly doo."

* * *

The next day, Mario was walking to the Smash Bowl in sadness. "I knew this was going to happen. They're just gonna have to find another band to play. I just hope that..." A familiar face appeared at the entrance. "...WARIO DOESN'T FIND OUT! WARIO!" Mario screamed. "What are you doing here?!"

Wario laughed and poked Mario in the chest. "I just wanted to watch you blow it. So, where's your band."

"They...they couldn't come." Mario said nervously. "They...died."

"Then who's that?" Wario asked, pointing behind Mario. Mario turned around and was shocked to see his band standing there. Mario screamed. "THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!"

"We're ready to perform, Mario!" Pit said excitedly.

Wario chuckled. "Well Mario, this is exactly how I pictured you're band would look." Mario watched as Pit began to do a little dance. "That's his...eager face." Wario laughed as Mario and the band entered the stadium. "I guess that this is the last time I can show my face in this town." Mario said. "That's the spirit, Mario!" Pit said as the bowl raised into a football field.

"Okay, football fans." The announcer said. "Put your hands together for the Super Smash Bros. Super Band!" A crowd of life action people cheered as that band ascended into the field.

"These are a lot of people." Kirby said.

"Maybe we're at one of those big football games." Pit said.

"I think I'm going to be sick!" Bowser said, clenching his stomach.

"Okay, everybody." Mario said nervously as he looked behind him at Wario, who had a smug smile on his face. "Let's get this over with. One...two...three...four..." Mario began to look away, expecting the worst.

The band began to play a wonderful intro. Mario opened his eyes nervously, as he began to sweat. The song began with Mewtwo playing an epic solo on the keyboard and the stadium went dark. The crowd began to cheer as a single spotlight shone on Pit, who began to sing.

* * *

 _"The winner takes all, it's the thrill of one more kill."_

 _"The last one to fall, will never sacrifice their will."_

Mario watched in shock as Kirby, wearing sunglasses played a solo on the drums and another spotlight shone and the others began to play their instruments.

 _"Don't ever look back, with the world closing in."_

 _"Beyond the attack,with your wings on the wind."_

 _"Oh, the daydream begins."_

Mario looked back at Wario, who also had a look of shock on his face. Mario smirked at Wario, and threw his baton away.

 _"And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah."_

 _"And it's ours for the taking, it's ours for the fight."_

The people in the stadium began waving candles back and fourth. Mario looked back at Wario again, who put his hand over his chest and fainted. A group of paramedics took Wario away on a stretcher, while Mario waved goodbye at his rival.

 _"And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah."_

 _"And the one who's last to fall."_

Palutena played an epic guitar solo, followed by Kirby with another drum solo. Mario then jumped up into the air, raising his fists in triumph.

 _"And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory."_


	3. Chocolate With Nuts

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 3: Chocolate With Nuts

Pit waited patiently for the mailman to arrive. He checked his watch and hummed a tune to himself. Eventually, the mailman did arrive, and Pit jumped out from behind his mailbox."Hi mailman!" Pit shouted. The mailman dropped everything, screamed, and ran away. "Okay, see you tomorrow!"

"Hey, the mail's here." Kirby said. "What'd you get?"

"Let's see." Pit dug through the mail until he found a magazine. "Hey, a magazine! That's funny. I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest." Pit opened the magazine, and he and Kirby both gasped in awe. "Look at these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living. This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool."

"This guy's got shoes!" Kirby said, pointing to a picture of a rich guy wearing shoes.

"Give me that!" Mario said, taking away the magazine. "Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities."

"Hey Mario, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?" Pit asked.

"They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people."

"What kind of things?"

"How should I know? Things people want to buy. Now keep your paws off my mail."

"That's it, Kirby!" Pit exclaimed. "We gotta become entrepreneurs!"

"Is that gonna hurt?" Kirby asked.

"Quick, Kirby, without thinking. If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?" Pit asked.

"Uh..more time for thinking."

"No, something real. An item. Something you would pay for."

"A chocolate bar?"

"That's a great idea, Kirby! We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesmen."

* * *

Pit and Kirby were walking to a house both carrying a pile of chocolate bars.

"Fancy living, here we come!" Pit announced.

"Make way for a bunch of ontre-prenyouers!" Kirby said.

"This is it Kirby!" Pit said as they approached the door to their first house. "Our first step on our road to living fancy. Just follow my lead." Pit knocked on the door. The door opened and Lucario stepped out. "Good afternoon, sir." Pit said. "Could we interest you in some...chocolate?"

"Chocolate?" Lucario asked. "Did you say chocolate?!"

"Yes, sir. With or without nuts?" Kirby said as he held up two chocolate bars, one with nuts and one without.

"Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?! CHOCOLAAAAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAAAAATE!" Pit and Kirby slowly backed away, and then ran off as Lucario chased after them repeatedly screaming "CHOCOLAAAAAAATE!"

* * *

"Okay, uh...first guy didn't count." Pit said as they were at another house. "This is our real first step." Pit knocked on the door. The door opened and Wario stepped out.

"Yes?"

"Good afternoon, sir. Would you like to buy some chocolate?" Pit asked.

"Chocolate bars, eh?"

"Yes, sir. We are chocolate bar salesmen." Pit said confidently.

Wario chuckled. "Couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise." Pit turned around and saw that Kirby had some chocolate bars in his mouth. "No, no, no, no, WRONG! You guys wanna be good salesmen right?"

"Oh, most certainly, sir." Pit and Kirby said.

"Well, no self respecting candy bar salsemen would be caught dead without one of these!" Wario said, holding up an orange bag.

"Woooow...what is it?" Pit asked.

"It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort." Wario explained. Pit tried to touch the bag, but Wario took it away and began to walk back in inside. "But, I'm wasting my time. You don't need these bags."

"We need them! We need them!"

* * *

Wario grinned as he counted the wad of money in his hands. Pit and Kirby began to walk away with armfuls of bags. "So long, boys! Happy hunting!" Wario chuckled as he walked back inside. "Suckers."

"Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!" Pit and Kirby sang on their way to their next house. "Let's try next door!" Pit knocked on the door. The door opened and the same guy from earlier stepped out.

"Yes?"

"Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?" Pit asked.

"I...don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart without my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags." Wario said as he held up two large maroon bags.

"We'll take twenty." Kirby said.

* * *

Pit and Kirby were at another house. Pit knocked on the door, and Rosalina stepped out. "Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?"

"We're selling chocolate." Pit said. "Would you like to buy one?"

"That sounds heavenly!" Rosalina said. "I'll take one."

"Okay, one chocolate bar coming up!" Pit reached for a candy bar in a bag, but ended up pulling out another bag. Pit chuckled nervously as he reached into the bag and pulled out another. Pit kept trying to pull out a chocolate bar, but just kept pulling out more bags. "It's gotta be in here somewhere." Pit muttered.

"I don't have time for this." Rosalina sighed as she walked back inside. As soon as she shut the door, Pit finally pulled out a chocolate bar.

"I got it! One chocolate bar for the nice-"

"CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!"

"-lady." Pit and Kirby began to run again as Lucario continued to chase them again while screaming "CHOCOLAAAAAATE!"

* * *

"We're not doing so well, Kirby." Pit said as he and Kirby were sitting in a diner. "We need a new approach. A new tactic."

Kirby thought for a second. "I got it! Let's get naked!"

"No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate. There must be something. What was the reason we bought those bags?" Pit asked as he pounded his fist on the table.

"He said we were mediocre."

"That's it! He made us feel special!"

"Yeah, he did...I'm going back to buy more bags!" Kirby said as he started to run towards the door.

"No, wait Kirby!" Pit called out and Kirby stopped in his tracks. "Why don't we try being nice?"

"Oh, okay!"

* * *

"Remember, Kirby, flatter the customer." Pit said as they were walking to another house. "Make him feel good." Pit knocked on the door, and Little Mac stepped out.

"Hello?"

"I love you." Kirby said with a weird look on his face. Little Mac stared at Pit and Kirby for a few seconds in shock and disgust, and then slammed the door.

"I think you laid it a teensy bit thick, old pal. Let me try." Pit rang the doorbell, and Little Mac opened the door, hiding behind it.

"Please, g-go away."

"Hi, um..." Pit cleared his throat. "H-H-How you doing?"

"How am I doing?"

"Wanna buy some chocolate?" Pit asked.

"We got him now!" Kirby shouted.

"Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Ain't that right, lover boy?"

Kirby looked at his belly, which was now starting to bubble and giggled. "It tickles."

"As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang." Little Mac said as he held up a picture of him with bubbling fat at age 13. "You can keep that for five bucks."

"I'll take ten." Kirby said.

* * *

"We haven't sold a single chocolate bar." Pit said sadly as he and Kirby were walking along the street. "I have a feeling we're too easily distracted."

"Huh?" Kirby asked, as he was too busy staring at the pictures.

"Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused selling at the next house."

Kirby removed the pictures from his face. "What?"

"Let's shake on it." Pit said, holding out his hand.

Kirby looked at Pit confused. "Did you say something?"

"Remember Kirby, focus." Pit said as they reached their next house. Pit knocked on the door and Falco answered it.

"Yes?"

"Good afternoon, sir. Wanna buy some chocolate?" Pit asked.

Kirby then moved up to Falco with his eyes going in an out back and fourth. Falco took a step back. "Why is Tubby here staring at me?"

"Focusing."

"Back up, jack!" Falco said, slamming the door on Kirby's eyes. His eyes then looked around. "Nice place you got here!"

* * *

"I can't understand what we're doing wrong." Pit said.

"I can't understand anything." Kirby said as he ate a chocolate bar.

"There must be something to this selling game we're just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that." Pit said, pointing to a billboard.

"Eat Deku Chips. They're delicious." Kirby read.

"They are most certainly not delicious!"

Kirby smiled. "Not the way I use them!"

"Yet they sell millions of bags a day!"

"Well maybe if they didn't stretch the truth they wouldn't sell as many."

"That's it, Kirby! We gotta stretch the truth!"

"CHOCOLAAAAATE!" Pit and Kirby immediately began to run off.

* * *

"We'll work together as a team." Pit said as they approached another house. "Let me get this customer warmed up, and then you come in for the kill."

"The kill!"

Pit knocked on the door and Shiek answered. "Yes?"

"Hello, young lady." Pit winked and Kirby giggled. "We're selling chocolate, is your mother home?"

"Mom!" Sheik yelled.

Sheik's mother came out from inside the house. She was in a wheelchair and looked all shriveled up. "What, what, what's all the yelling?" Pit and Kirby became shocked at what they saw. "You just can't wait for me to die, can you?" Pit and Kirby looked at each other in shock.

"They're selling chocolates." Sheik said.

"Chocolate?" her mother asked.

"Yeah!"

"What? What are they selling?"

"Chocolates!"

"What?"

"CHOCOLATES!"

"I can't hear you."

"THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!"

"They're selling chocolate?"

"YEAH!"

Sheik's mother smiled. "Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate." she paused for a second. "I ALWAYS HATED IT!"

"Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating." Pit said nervously. "It's for..."

"You rub it on your skin, and it makes you live forever!" Kirby interjected.

Sheik waved her arms around, constantly saying no. "Live forever, you say?" Sheik's mother asked. "I'll take one." Sheik face palmed as she bought a chocolate bar. "C'mon you lazy Sheik. Start rubbing me with that chocolate!" her mother called from inside the house.

"I hate you." Sheik said angrily as she slammed the door.

"If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!" Pit said excitedly.

"Hooray for lying!" Kirby cheered.

* * *

"It'll make your hair grow!" Pit said.

"Great!" Pac-Man smiled. "My wife's trying to grow a beard!"

"They'll make you sound smart."

"I'll take twenty!" Diddy Kong said.

"It'll keep your face from getting any uglier!" Kirby said.

"Just in time!" said a customer who looked just like Kirby, except yellow.

"They'll make you fly!"

"You'll fall in love."

"It'll bring world peace!"

"You'll walk through walls!"

"You'll rule the world!"

* * *

Pit and Kirby were at another house, all wrapped up in bandages. They giggled as Pit rang the doorbell. "This'll be the best lie yet." Kirby said through his bandages.

"Yeah. This guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!"

The door slowly opened. "What can I do for you boys?" a voice said from behind the door.

"Hello, sir. Would you like to buy some chocolate? We need an operation." Pit said.

"Really? Small world." the customer came out, and he was in a cast covering his entire body. "What's the matter with you guys?" Pit and Kirby became completely stunned at the sight of him.

"Um..we've got head trauma and internal bleeding." Pit said nervously.

The man sighed. "Some guys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms." Pit and Kirby looked at him with tears in their eyes. "At night I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep." Suddenly the wires snapped. "Oh, no.." the man gasped as he fell down the front steps. "Ow..."

"Quick Kirby, let's help him." Pit and Kirby carried the man into the house. "Careful. Put him down gently." Kirby dropped the man's head on the floor. The main groaned in pain. "Poor, poor man." Pit said sadly. "Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?"

"There is one thing." the man said. "As you can well imagine, my medical bills are extremely high. But luckily I'm able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars." the man gestured his hand and Pit and Kirby turned around to see a massive stack of boxes with chocolate bars in them.

* * *

The man looked out his window as he saw Pit and Kirby walking away carrying the boxes of chocolate. "Such nice boys." The man began to take off his cast, revealing that it was just Wario in a costume. "It does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two!"

Pit sighed as he and Kirby were walking down the street carrying the boxes. "Don't get me wrong, Kirby. It was great that we helped that guy out, but now there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to." Pit then tripped on a rock and fell to the ground with the box on top of him. "Let's face it, Kirby. We're failures."

"I can live with that." Kirby said as he put down his box and sat on it.

"Let's change our names to Why and Bother." Pit said sadly when suddenly, Lucario appeared from behind them.

"CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!" Lucario screamed. Pit and Kirby held onto each other, begging for mercy. Lucario began to laugh manically. "FINALLY! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH YOU BOYS ALL DAY! NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU...I'd like to buy all your chocolate." Lucario said calmly, holding up a pile of money. Pit and Kirby looked shocked for a second, before they both fell to the ground.

"Thank you for your patronage." Pit said.

* * *

"Are we living the fancy life yet, Pit?" Kirby asked, who was pushing a wheelbarrow full of money.

Pit popped out of the pile of money. "Not yet, pally! First we gotta spend all the money."

"But what are we gonna spend it on?" Kirby asked. Pit thought for a moment.

* * *

Later that night, Mario was at a fancy restaurant, wearing fancy clothes. "Good evening, sir. Table for one, please."

"Sorry." The waiter, Marth said. "But the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party."

"But, it's my only night to be fancy!" Mario complained. "Oh, who could afford to buy out the whole restaurant?"

"Oh, why a couple of rich entrepreneurs. And their dates."

Pit and Kirby were sitting at a table with Sheik and her mother. "So, how long have you two ladies known each other?" Pit asked.

"What? What did he say?"


	4. Pittoodoodle

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 4: Pittoodoodle

On one bright beautiful day, Robin was drawing a picture in his airship.

 _Well, well, what is this? Ah, the arstist in the sky. Let us watch and see the fruits of his struggles._

Robin thought for a moment, until and idea came into his mind.

 _Ah, it seems that inspiration has struck._

Robin began to draw on his paper while humming a tune to himself. He then accidentally dropped his pencil and it fell down through the sky. "My pencil! What?"

 _The artist has learned the first rule of the sky. Always bring a spare pencil._

" **NOOOOOO!** " Robin screamed as the pencil continued to fall through the sky towards earth as Pit and Kirby were playing Rock, Paper, Scissors with bubbles.

"Okay. Ready Kirby?" Pit asked. Kirby nodded. "One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" They both blew a bubble at once and Pit got scissors and Kirby got paper.

"Scissors beats paper, Kirby!" Pit said and they both laughed. They then went for another round. "One..."

"Two.."

"Three!" They blew another bubble and they both got paper. "Kirby, how come you always do paper?" Suddenly, something fell right out of the sky and landed right between them. They then began to run around. They then hid behind Pit's house.

"What is that thing, Pit?" Kirby asked.

"It looks like a giant pencil." Pit said.

"Go touch it."

Pit went to touch the giant pencil. "It is a giant pencil, Kirby. Let's draw some giant pictures with it." Pit took the pencil and started to draw something on the ground.

"Whatcha drawing?" Kirby asked.

"Stand back, Kirby. I can't draw with you breathing down my neck."

"Psh, artists." Kirby muttered.

"It's a Metroid." Pit said as he finished his drawing.

"Pretty good Pit. But it's lacking basic construction, and your perspective is a lot to be desired."

"Eh, everybody's a critic."

Suddenly, the drawing started to move. "Pit, your drawing's coming to life!"

"Now that's more like it, Mr. Critic."

"No, I mean it's flying away!" Pit and Kirby watched the Metroid drawing fly away.

"Do you know what this means, Kirby?" Pit asked.

"Your art can never hang in a museum."

"It means we found a magic pencil!"

Kirby clapped his hands excitedly. "Now all I need is a magic mustache and all my dreams will come true."

Pit laughed. "Coming right up!" He then drew a mustache on Kirby.

"Life is good!" Kirby cheered, then the mustache floated away. "Easy come, easy go!"

King Dedede was looking at himself in the mirror. "Dedede, if you had hair you'd be the most gorgeous creature in the world! You've got looks...talent...all you need is a full head of..." The mustache drawing then landed on his head. "Hair!"

"My turn to draw!" Kirby said excitedly.

"Be careful, Kirby! Being an artist is a heavy responsibility." Pit said as he cradled the pencil in his arms. "Each work of art is like a child and must be treated as such."

"Come on! I was just gonna draw a cartoon."

"Okay! Why didn't you say so?" PIt then gave Kirby the pencil and then he started to draw something. "Hey! Another Metroid!"

"It's King Dedede, silly!" The poorly drawn King Dedede drawing then came to life and started grumbling at them.

"It looks kinda creepy when it moves." Pit said a little freaked out.

"You're right, Pit."

"We can't let it go into town!" Kirby then went and erased the drawing.

"Poor Dedede."

"Hey! My brain just hatched and idea." Pit then went to King Dedede front door and drew a dollar bill with a string attached. "This is gonna be classic!"

King Dedede was looking at himself in the mirror again, now wearing fancy clothes with his "hair". "I think I fancy a stroll around the park."

Pit knocked on the door. "Oh, King Dedede !" He then opened the door.

"What do you want?" King Dedede then looked down and saw the dollar on the ground. "Hello, what's this? Someone left me some money for a perm." Pit and Kirby giggled from behind the house. "Come to Hairy!" He reached for the dollar, but Pit pulled it away and he fell to the ground and they began to laugh. The mustache then flew off his head. "Oh, my hair!" He angrily walked back inside while Pit and Kirby continued to laugh.

"Wait! I've got another idea!" Pit then started to draw himself. "This'll be the ultimate prank. I'll draw me, and when Dedede opens the door, it won't be me! Aww, look at him. Ain't he a doll? All he needs are his wings." He then drew wings on his drawing. "Ready for action!"

The doodle started talking gibberish as he went to King Dedede door. "He's going to the door."

"He's knocking on the door." The doodle knocked on the door. "Dedede's answering the door and..." The doodle then started to beat up King Dedede.

"He's beating up Dedede!" Kirby started to laugh.

"DoodleBoy, stop!" Pit shouted. The doodle then threw King Dedede back into his house and then grabbed the pencil and ran away.

"He's got the pencil."

Pit gasped. "What have I done? We've got to find him!"

* * *

Pit and Kirby walked around looking for DoodlePit "Where could he possibly be?"

"Maybe he's in that poorly drawn house." Kirby said, pointing to a poorly drawn house.

"Come on, let's go!"

Kirby then jumped into a bush. "I'm not going in there." Pit jumped into the bush.

"Come on, Kirby. I'm right behind you. Baby steps." They then slowly walked quietly to the house. "Almost there..." DoodlePit then drew a hole in the ground and Pit and Kirby fell down it.

"What just happened?" Kirby asked. They then looked up and saw DoodlePit standing there looking into the hole.

"Meahoy, memoyay? MeyoyYOY, ladyonmamoy!"

"Come on, Kirby. Give me a boost up!"

"Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?"

"No way. I created this monster and I've got to stop him." Suddenly, a wrench fell on Kirby's head.

"NEOFINEYIN!"

"See what I mean, Kirby?"

"Where's the leak, ma'am?"

They then climber up to the top of the hole. DoodlePit then drew a bowling ball and rolled it towards the hole. The bowling ball hit Kirby and he fell in the hole again. "You okay, Kirby?"

"FINLAND!" Kirby shouted.

"MEYAIOVAH! MEE HOY MINOY! MEAH FROYAY!" DoodlePit yelled as he raised the pencil in the air in triumph.

* * *

Pit and Kirby were hiding behind a rock wall looking for DoodlePit. "There he is."

"He's hideous. He makes me sick just looking at him. Those big blue eyes, that angel body, those giant wings, and those stupid sandals!" Pit glared at Kirby. "Oh, but it looks good on you, Pit!" Kirby laughed nervously.

"He's putting down the pencil. Now's our chance. On the count of three, we'll jump out and surprise him."

"Oh, boy, a surprise party!" Kirby said excitedly. "Is it his birthday?" DoodlePit then broke right through the stone wall and grabbed Pit.

"Kirby! Kirby! Do something!" Pit screamed.

"Happy birthday!" DoodlePit then threw Pit. "Here's your present!" Kirby gave DoodlePit a rock. DoodlePit slammed the rock on Kirby head. "You're welcome."

DoodlePit then tried to run away, but then Pit stopped him while holding the pencil. "Hold it right there, Doodle. I brought you into this world and now I'm gonna take you out. Any last words?"

"BEE HA, BALA HALA BA BA!"

Pit was confused. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"BEE HA, BALA HALA BA BA!" DoodlePit said a little slower. He then started to yell random gibberish until Pit erased his face. DoodlePit was unable to see and he ran into a nearby rock.

"Hold still, Doodle. This is for your own good." Pit said as he started to erase DoodlePit. "Take that and this and this and that and this that this that..." Once DoodlePit was completely erased, Pit raised the pencil in the air and screamed "I AM PIT, DESTROYER OF EVIL!"

"Take it easy, it's just a drawing."

"Well, that takes care of that, eh, Kirby" Pit asked.

"Done and done." Pit and Kirby then began to go back home, but little did they know that not all of DoodlePit was erased as his arm was still alive.

* * *

"Gee, Gary, you should have been there!" Pit was now in his house, preparing to go to bead. "It sure was exciting, but you know, I kind of miss the little doodle. He was like a son to me. But I'm sure glad that things are back to normal. Well, goodnight, sweet prince." Gary the Mew who was wearing a crown that was drawn, meowed. "Goodnight, magic pencil."

As Pit was sleeping, DoodlePit's arm went inside his house. It went up the stairs and stopped to go to the bathroom. When DoodlePit's arm arrived in Pit's room, he grabbed the Magic Pencil and began to redraw his body. Pit then woke up.

"Oh hey, Magic Pencil. What are you doing up? Drawing yourself a glass of water?" Pit laughed as DoodlePit appeared right next to his bed. Pit screamed. "DoodlePit!" He chuckled nervously. "No hard feelings, right?" DoodlePit then drew angry eyebrows on his face and threatened Pit with the pencil. "What do you think you're doing, doodle?"

"You doodle! Me Pit!"

DoodlePit then began to chase Pit around his house, erasing a part of it as he chased him downstairs. "Be careful with that thing! Who knows what will happen?" DoodlePit then erased Pit's nose. "I nose." DoodlePit then erased other parts of Pit's body, and then began to laugh at how he looked. "Very funny, doodle. Now it's my turn." Pit and DoodlePit then fought over the pencil, and it snapped in two. Pit then drew his body back with the pencil. "Well, doodle, it looks like this is a draw." DoodlePit then sharpened his end of the pencil with is mouth. "You've made your point, no matter. I was voted most artistic in high school." The pencil then flew out of his hands and broke though a window.

"Ow, Pit, you're gonna pay for that!" King Dedede yelled from outside.

"Or maybe it was most clumsy." DoodlePit continued to attack him with the pencil. Pit hid behind a bookshelf as DoodlePit moved closer to him. He then stepped on a piece of paper, and then his foot got stuck. Pit then looked through a book. "Paper! Page for Mr. Doodle!" closed a notebook on DoodlePit, and he became preserved as a drawing as he smiled. The next morning, Pit hung up the picture of DoodlePit on the wall.

"Hey, Pit. What's with all the ruckus?" Kirby asked.

"Take a look for yourself, Kirby." Pit said.

Kirby gasped. "It's the evil doodle!"

"No, no, not evil. He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional world longing for a purpose."

"So...he's a drawing?"

"Exactly! See how happy he is?"

Kirby looked at the picture again. "He still looks kind of creepy."

* * *

Pit held up the Magic Pencil, which was taped back together. "Oh, great magic pencil, your powers are too mighty for us. So I will send you back to the magic kingdom from where you came. Are you ready Kirby?"

"Ready!" Pit put the pencil in Kirby's mouth and jumped on his belly, pushing the pencil back into the sky.

 _We rejoin our artist in a creative slump._

Robin looked up and saw that his pencil was back. "Huh? What's this? My pencil!" He then began to draw again, but then the pencil broke.

 _The second most important rule for the artist in the sky: Always bring a pencil sharpener._

" **NOOOOOO!** "


	5. Shanghaied

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 5: Shanghaied

It was a beautiful morning in Smashville and Pit was enjoying a nice breakfast. "Mmm, Smash-O! With one of eight essential prizes inside!"

Suddenly, something fell right out of the sky and broke through the roof. "Oh my gosh! Mario! The sky had a baby from my cereal box! Mario!" Mario poked his head out of his window. "Mario! The sky had a baby!"

"That's not a baby. That's a giant anchor. Now go away!"

"Hey, Pit! The sky had a baby!" Kirby said.

"I know! What do you think we should name it?"

"How about..."

"Why don't you two go climb it's anchor rope. I bet it will take you somewhere far away." The anchor then crashed into Mario's house. "Now look what you've done!"

"We didn't do it, Mario. Our hands our clean." Pit and Kirby showed off their clean hands.

"Well, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this thing!"

"Wouldn't that be the top?" Pit asked. Mario started to climb up the anchor rope, and Pit and Kirby followed.

 **A few inches later...**

* * *

The three continued to climb up the anchor rope. "Ship!" Pit shouted, pointing upward.

"Pit, how long are you gonna stay in your little fantasy world?" Kirby asked.

"No, look, a giant ship!" The three looked up and saw a giant green ghost ship.

"Great! Let's go!" Mario said. "Now I can finally give this anchor dropper a piece of my mind."

"I don't know Mario. That ship has a spooky green glow around it." Pit said.

"That's probably because its good-for-nothing owner is too lazy to clean or drop his anchors in the right place." Mario then climbed onto the ship. "Alright, who owns this crate?" Mario went to the door that said "owner" on it and knocked on it. "Come on out! I wanna file a complaint!"

Pit looked around the ship. "Hey Kirby, doesn't place look familiar to you?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"I don't know. Doesn't it just kind of ring a bell?"

Kirby saw that Mario was ringing the doorbell. "Yes!"

"I know who owns this ship, I just can't place the name." Pit walked by a few crates that said "Property of Andross" on them. The door that Mario was knocking on burst open and a giant monkey head with hands appeared.

"I am Andross!"

"That's it! Mario, this ship belongs to Magolor!"

"Who be disturbing Andross in his own layer?"

"It's Mario. He wants to complain to you." Pit said.

Andross gave Mario an evil look. "I...no, I don't."

"Well, what about that stuff about him having a dirty ship and being lazy and all?"

"I never said that." Mario laughed nervously.

"Insulting a man's ship is worse than insulting his mother!"

"No, no, wait, it was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship." Andross then fired a beam of lightning at Mario.

"You're next!" Pit and Kirby screamed and jumped off the ship.

"That was a close one!" They both said as they both landed back on the ship.

"Welcome back!" Pit and Kirby screamed and jumped off the ship again.

"That was a closer one!" Pit said as they landed back on the ship again.

"Welcome back!" Pit and Kirby screamed and jumped off the ship again.

"Hey, how come when they act up, all they get is the welcome wagon? If you ask me, it's.." Andross zapped Mario again as Pit and Kirby landed back on the ship.

"So, are you gonna try that again?" Andross asked.

"Probably." Kirby said. Andross zapped Mario again.

"How 'bout now?"

"Uhh..."

"No, no, they're not." Mario interrupted. He sighed a sigh of relief, but then Andross zapped him again.

"Now listen." Andross took out a rule book. "Whoever sets foot on Andross' ship, uninvited or otherwise, shall become members of his ghostly crew forever! And, uhh, ever."

"Will we be getting business cards?" Mario asked, and Andross zapped him again.

"Silence! You're part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It'll be grueling, mind-numbing, and repetitive. Just like...daytime television."

"Now you listen here, mister. If you think I'm gonna spend more than five minutes on this dumpster, then your crazy. I mean, look at this place. It's disgusting!" Andross sighed and picked up Mario. "Oh, oh, now what? I suppose you're gonna show me..." Andross unzipped something in mid-air. "Oh, gee, that's nice. What is this, some kind of magic act?" Andross threw Mario into the hole. Mario screamed as he began to fall into an endless pit. Pit and Kirby watched in horror.

"Would anyone else like to enter the Fly of Despair?" Andross asked.

"No! We know our place now, Mr. Andross." Pit said.

"We'll do anything you say!" Kirby pleaded.

"Then for starters, you can...swab the deck!" Andross gave Pit a mop and Kirby a bucket.

"Look, Kirby! A real live ghost mop!"

"And I got this hat!"

"Listen! We're heading down to Smashville tonight for a little haunting spree, so I want this ship to look good and scary!"

Pit looked confused. "You want it to look good...and scary. Well, I think we can probably..."

"No, no, I think he wants it to look so good, it's scary." Kirby said.

"Or maybe he wants it to look so scary you forget that it doesn't looks good."

"I don't get it."

"Look, it's easy, it simply means that..."

"Never mind what it means!" Andross shouted. "I just want it to look scary! That's it! You know, mold growing on the ceilings and bugs in the sink."

"So, you don't want it to look good?" Pit asked.

"Get moving!" Pit and Kirby began to sweep with the mop and the bucket while singing.

* * *

"What a night be this! Crew, howl with me so that we might set the sky ablaze with fear!"

Andross howled like a wolf, Pit bleated like a sheep, and Kirby went "Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee." Andross then tried to howl again, but Kirby kept cutting him off with his leedles. Eventually, he stopped and there was a long and awkward silence.

"Eh, that'll do. Okay, Winged One, since Pink One's working on the navigation, it's up to you to find our first victim." Andross summoned a telescope. "Here, use this spyglass. Now hurry up! We're burning moonlight!"

"Let's see who we can find." Pit spun the spyglass and saw where it landed. "Captain, there's a guy we can scare." Andross looked and saw that the telescope was pointed to a tough guy. Andross blew on the telescope and it was now pointed to where the young boy Ness was skipping along the road.

"I had four biscuits, and I ate one. Then I only had three!" Ness said.

"Ahh, it does my heart good to see children out after dark. Pink One, take us behind those rocks." Andross commanded.

"Moving behind the rocks!" Kirby steered the ship behind the rocks, but ended up steering the ship right through them as parts of the ship started to tear off.

"Keep going! You're good! You're good! You're good...and...stop!" They got out of the rocks and the hull of the ship was completely destroyed. "Don't worry, Captain, we'll buff out those scratches."

Andross sighed. "All right, never mind. Just jump out when I give the signal." Andross appeared out from behind a rock and scared Ness. "Prepare to be burdened by the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates!" Andross pointed to a nearby bush where Pit and Kirby were hiding. Theey poked their heads out, completely confused.

"Was that the signal? Okay, sorry, sorry, just...just do it again!"

"With the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates." Andross repeated, and Pit and Kirby walked out of the bush and Pit did a little trick with his fingers.

"How does he do that?" Kirby said, trying to sound ghostly.

"Get back on the ship."

"It's still a mystery!" Pit and Kirby slowly walked back to the ship.

"Those guys are dorks." Ness said.

"Yes, but their my dorks."

Andross contiuned to fly through Smashville trying to scare other people, but kept failing. He tried to scare Rosalina by breathing fire in front of her, but was interrupted by Pit blowing bubbles. He then tried to scare Little Mac by appearing through a wall with his ghostly powers. Pit and Kirby tried to do the same thing, but they just crashed right into the wall. Then he scared Luigi by turning his head around. Pit and Kirby were also spinning around and then began to figure skate in purple tights.

* * *

Pit and Kirby were now sitting in their bunk room on the ship. "Why do you think Andross told us to wait in our bunk room?" Pit asked.

"Maybe he's gonna give us some reward!"

"Like movie passes?!"

"Or an over sized coffee mug!" Pit and Kirby began to bounce insanely while giggling. Andross then appeared in the room.

"I've been thinking. Stop bouncing!" Pit and Kirby immediately stopped bouncing. "This whole crew working for eternity thing isn't working out. And it isn't really you as it is me."

"You're setting us free?" Pit asked.

"Well, actually I'm just gonna eat you. See you at dinner!" Andross slammed the door and Pit and Kirby screamed.

"Wait, I have an idea!" Kirby said.

"Really?! What is it?"

"Let's leave."

"But the door's locked, and the only way out is through the...perfume department!" Pit pointed to a door filled with perfume and customers.

"Let's do it." Pit gulped and he and Kirby began to run through, and kept getting sprayed with perfume. They eventually made it out of there.

"I always hate going in there." Pit then heard something coming from the other side of the door. "Wait! Listen!" Pit and Kirby looked through the door and saw Andross was writing something.

"Dear Diary: I told them I'm going to eat them tomorrow. I made up some of that brown sauce my cousin showed me just for the occasion. Ahh, it's a good thing I found my dining glove again. Remember the last time I lost my dining glove, I couldn't eat for a whole week. Yes sir, sometimes I wonder how I'd survive if anything should ever happen..." Andross then looked and saw that his glove was gone. He then appeared in front of Pit and Kirby, who were running away with the glove. "Give me back my glove! Everyone knows I can't eat without it!"

"Never!" Pit shouted.

"Ok, then..." Andross fired a beam at Pit, who defended himself with the glove. Andross then grabbed the glove. "Give it to me!"

"No!" Pit wouldn't let go of the glove, and it started to rip.

"Wait, you're stretching out the elastic!"

"It would seem we have reached an impasse." Kirby said.

"Pink One's right. Tell ya what. You give me back the glove, and I will grant you three wishes."

"Make it five." Kirby said.

"Okay, four."

"Three. Take it or leave it."

"Ok...uhh, three. You get three wishes."

"Wow! Three wishes, Kirby. Isn't that great?"

"Wishes? I wish we've known that earlier." The clock then went back by ten minutes.

"Okay, you got two wishes left." Pit glared at Kirby, who gave him an embarrassed smile.

"Well, we still have two more. How exciting! I wish Mario were here to see this!"

Mario continued to fall through the Fly of Despair and eventually landed through the roof of his house. "Boy, I'm glad all that's over!" Mario then disappeared and reappeared back on the ship.

"Mario! You're back!" Pit and Kirby cheered.

"Guess what? Andross gave us three wishes! Kirby used the first one, and I guess I...just used the second one."

"Well then the last one you owe me because you got me back into this mess!" The three then started to fight over who gets the last wish.

"That's enough! Using my mystic other-worldly powers, I shall decide who get the last wish." Andross then used the eeny-meenie-minie-mo method to decide who gets the last wish. He then finished and landed on Pit.

"Now think, Pit! We're about to get eaten. What can you wish for to make it so we don't get eaten?" Mario asked.

"Don't worry, Mario. I've got it all figured out." Pit said. "He won't be able to eat us because...I wish Andross was a vegetarian!" Andross then transformed into a vegetarian and the three were transported back home.

"We're home!" Pit cheered.

"You did it, Pit! We're saved!" Kirby said.

"But why have we been turned into vegetables?" The three looked and saw that they have been transformed into vegetables. Mario was a mushroom, Pit was an eggplant, and Kirby was a tomato. They then looked and saw that they were in a salad and that Andross was about to eat them.

"Hey, I get a wish too!" The three screamed and ran away as Andross chased them around the ship, which was now a hippie-themed Volkswagen.

 **Kirby** **Ending**

* * *

Andross was finishing his eeny-meenie-minie-mo and he eventually landed on Kirby.

"That's you, Kirby. Make your wish." Pit said.

"Uhh.."

"Wait, Kirby, listen. I do not particularly feel like being trapped here for all eternity. Eternity is a very long time, understand?!" Mario said.

"Kirby, you've got to think harder than you've ever thought before." Pit said.

"Uhh..."

"That's not gonna do it! Think harder!"

"Uhh..."

"Come on! Come on, Kirby! Yeah! Put on your thinking cap!" Pit and Mario said.

"Uhh..." Inside Kirby's eyes was a toaster and it popped up some toast. "Okay! I've got it!"

"Thou wish is granted." Andross said. A flash of light appeared and Kirby was chewing on something.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Want some gum?"

Pit and Mario were shocked. "You wished for gum?

"Well, if we're gonna be here forever, we might as well have fresh breath!" Pit and Mario took a piece of gum and they then were eaten by Andross. A plate lay on a table with Mario's hat, shirt, and overalls and Pit's tunic, sandals, and laurel crown. The three then screamed, begging for Andross to let them out.

"Ahh, minty." Andross sighed with satisfaction.

 **Mario Ending**

* * *

Andross was finishing his eeny-meenie-minie-mo and he eventually landed on Mario.

"Mario, you get a wish! A great big wish!" Pit said excitedly.

"That's right! And you know what I wish?"

"No!" Kirby said.

"I wish that I never met you two thunderheads before in my entire life!"

"So be it." Andross said.

"Hi there, I don't believe we've met. My name is Pit, and this is my associate Kirby."

"Hi." Kirby said.

"That's not what I meant!"

"Well, now that introductions are out of the way, it's time for dinner!" Andross said as he then ate them.

"And what did you say your name was?" Pit asked.

"I'm Mario. I'm your neighbor."

"Oh, nice to meet you, Mario." Pit said, trying to say his name right. "We'll have plenty of time to get to know each other, I guess." Pit laughed.


	6. Wario Returns

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 6: Wario Returns

* * *

Mario was waiting patiently for his shift to end. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. I'm done with my shift! And let me just say, there will come a day when I will make something of my life and I will never have to set foot in this grease trap again!"

Mario went outside as somebody was talking to a crowd of people.

"So, I just took my private yacht across my private lake to my private heliport. It's the only way off my private island."

Mario gasped. "Oh, shoot! It's my arch rival from high school, Wario! I can't let him see me in my Smash Burger uniform." Mario took off his hat and tried to throw it away.

"On your lunch break, eh, Mario?"

"Yes...I mean no...I mean...uhh, uhh...Hey, whatcha been up to?" Mario asked nervously.

"Oh, just succeeding in everything you've failed in."

"You are no great shakes Wario." Mario scoffed. "Anyone can be a big shot in a hick town like Smashville."

"Oh, is that so? Let's hear what you've accomplished since high school, Mario."

 _Don't be intimidated, Mario. Try to imagine him in his underwear._ Mario imagined Wario in his underwear. _Oh, no, he's hot!_ "I'm, uhh, in...food service."

"Hold it, don't tell me. You're a cashier!" Wario laughed around the crowd.

 _Don't lie. Lying always makes it worse._ "I own a five star restaurant!" Mario blurted out.

Wario gasped. "Mario, I had no idea you were such a success."

"That's right."

Wario grinned. "And I would be honored if you would allow me to come to your restaurant... _tonight_."

Mario eyes widened and his face paled. "T-t-t-t-t-t-tonight?"

"In fact, we'll all come. My treat!" Everyone cheered.

* * *

Mario was at Bowser's castle to ask his arch-nemesis for help. "Please, Bowser, you got to help me! When they get there tonight, they're going to see I'm just a big phony and a loser!"

"Oh, boo-hoo! Let me play you a sad song on the world's smallest violin." Bowser rubbed his fingers together and played a song.

"This is serious."

"I know. This really is the world's smallest violin."

"Bowser! Please come to the restaurant for just one night! I really need to impress Wario." Mario begged.

"Wah-Wuh-Woah-Wario? That guy who made millions doing what you wish you could do?"

"Don't rub it in."

"Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners."

* * *

Pit and Bowser were standing in a line at the Smash Burger restaurant. Mario, who was dressed in a white tuxedo, paced back and forth. "Alright, listen up. Men, Wario will be here in twenty minutes. Therefore, we need to turn the Smash Burger into a fancy restaurant as soon as possible." Mario then noticed that Kirby was standing there, wearing an army hat. "Kirby, what are you doing here?"

"I thought the Corps would help straighten out my life, sir!"

"The Corps? What the...Kirby, this isn't the..." Mario sighed. "Beggars can't be choosers. Can you take hats in a dignified and sophisticated manner?"

"You mean like a weenie? Okay!" Kirby then started to act like a weenie. "May I take your hat, sir? May I take your hat, sir? May I..."

"Alright, I've heard enough. You've got the job." Mario then walked up to Bowser. "Bowser, didn't you once serve on the S.S. Gourmet?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Then you'll be our chef." Bowser headed to the kitchen.

"What can I do?" Pit asked.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Pit, you're going to be the waiter."

"What's that?"

"It's the guy who goes to tables and takes orders."

"Do other restaurants do that?"

"Yes, they do that! Now listen, Wario is on his way and you have less than twenty minutes to become a fancy waiter, so read this." Mario handed Pit a book.

"'How To Become a Fancy Waiter in Less Than 20 Minutes.' Don't worry Mario, I'll memorize every page, right down to the punctuation marks!"

"Alright, I've got all the positions filled. I just might pull this off!"

"Give me that hat!" Mario saw that Kirby was shaking a coat rack with a hat on it. "I said give it to me! Are you going to hand it over or not? Don't you back-sass me!" Kirby started to beat up the coat rack.

"He's just the hat-check guy, nothing essential!" Mario then heard an explosion coming from the kitchen and a bunch of green goop flew out. "What happened? What is it?"

"Peas! Made them the old-fashioned way." A can of peas were sitting on the stove on fire.

"Bowser, you gotta take them out of the..." Mario saw a pile of weird goop on the grill, with flies and others things in it. "OH MY GOSH, WHAT IS THAT?"

"That's the appetizer." Bowser answered.

"But I thought you said you were the head chef on the S.S. Gourmet."

"Did I say that? No, I cleaned the bathrooms on the Gourmet. I was the head chef on the S.S. Diarrhea."

Mario walked out of the kitchen and looked for Pit. "There you are! Pit, you gotta help me! Kirby and Bowser aren't working out, and Wario's almost here, and, and...Pit?"

Pit's face looked like a zombie. "I can't do it. I can't do it, Mario!"

"What?"

"Every sentence, every paragraph..." Pit shoved his face in the book. "Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper! Don't you understand?! My brain is full to bursting! If I have to memorize a single order, I think I'm gonna EXPLODE!"

"Pit, hold on! Let's just take a second here to relax." Pit started to relax. "Little more. Good. Now, I want you to empty your mind."

"Empty my mind?"

"Empty your mind."

"Empty my mind..."

"Empty your mind of everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining. Fine dining and breathing."

Inside Pit's head, there were mini versions of him working on computers in an office.

"Just got an order from the boss: Dump everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining!" A smaller Pit announced.

"Everything?" The other Pits asked.

"Everything!" Everyone started to get rid of everything. "Come on, let's get moving!" He then walked up to another Pit. "Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?"

"You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought." The other Pit said.

"One more crack like that and you're out of here!"

"No, please! I have three kids!"

The other Pits continued to dump everything out while the real Pit just stood there with a blank expression.

"How do you feel?" Mario asked. Pit just stood there with a blank expression. "Pit?" Mario snapped his fingers in Pit's face, but he still just stood there. "This isn't working! I gotta go tell Wario I need more time!" Mario ran out the door. "I'll just go to Wario's house and...Wario, you're here!"

"Hello, Mario! We're all ready to be dazzled by your five-star restaurant."

"Wait, Wario, I've got to explain!"

"Explain what? That you, Mario, voted most likely to suck eggs in high school, or tried to pass off a lousy burger stand at the five-star..." Wario walked inside and gulped. "...restaurant?!" The inside of the restaurant looked very fancy, with very elegant wallpaper, an orchestra, a chandelier, and other things. "Hommina, hommina, hommina, hommina..." Wario stammered, followed by Mario, and then the crowd of people.

Pit then came in with a tuxedo on. "Table for Hommina? I can seat you immediately!"

"How did you do all this?" Mario asked.

"It was easy, once I cleared my mind."

"But what about Bowser and Kirby?"

"Taken care of." Bowser and Kirby were tied up and gagged in the back. "Right this way, please." Pit sat Wario down at a table and handed him a menu. "Good evening, sir. From our menu tonight, might I recommend the Smash Newburg?" Pit gave Wario a shoulder message as he explained the food. "We take the finest cuts of aged, imported lettuce, stuff them with herbs from our garden, wrap them in parchment with our award-winning shallot tapenade, slow-roast them for six hours in our wood-fired, clay-filled oven, or kiva, and serve them with a garnish of parsley on a mahogany plank."

"Mmm...this is fantastic."

Pit gave a salute. "Thank you, sir."

"Pinch me, I must be dreaming." Pit went up to Mario and pinched him with a pin.

"If you need anything else, just call."

"Pit, I can't thank you enough for all you're doing!"

"Fine dining and breathing are all I know how to do." Pit took a deep breath and ran off.

"It worked. I can't believe it! Wario thinks I own a five-star restaurant. Time to rub it in his face." Mario went to Wario's table, where Pit was combing his mustache. "Well, Wario, I'm waiting."

"Alright, I admit it. Everything is fabulous. The food, the atmosphere! Everything's flawless!"

"In that case, I need you to read this." Mario handed Wario a card.

"Uhh, 'Mario...'"

"And I need you to wear this." Mario put a foam finger on Wario hand.

"Oh, eh, 'Mario has the fanciest...'"

"I'm sorry, one more time." Mario put a microphone in front of Wario.

"'Mario has the fanciest restaurant in Smashville...and he does not suck eggs.'" Everyone in the restaurant cheered. "Mario, I must tell you, what really won me over was your brilliant waiter. It's as if all he knows is fine dining...and breathing. I must know your name."

Pit suddenly stopped what he was doing. "My name?"

"Yes, your name, son."

"Uhh...Beef Wellington?"

Wario chuckled. "No, your name."

"Uhh...err...the fork on the left?"

"Stop joking. Tell him your name." Mario said.

"My name?" Inside Pit's head, all of the mini Pits began to search around for a name.

One Pit looked through a file cabinet. "What's his name?! What's his name?! I've got nothing on a name!"

Another Pit was trying to find the name through a computer. "Come on, baby, what's the name?!" The computer then went up in flames and all of the Pits began to frantically run around.

"WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!" All of the Pits began to panic and Pit's brain snapped in half. The real Pit just stood there for a moment, and then threw water in Wario's face and started barking.

"I am very sorry! I don't know what has gotten into that..." Mario said nervously.

"More soup for your armpit?" Pit put a bowl of hot soup in Fox's armpit as he screeched in pain. "Please enjoy the food!" Pit shoved Zelda's face into her food. "Would you like some cheese on that, sir?" Pit then picked Falco up and started to grate his butt with a cheese grater. Everyone started to scream and panic.

"No! Nooo!" Mario shouted.

Kirby ran out of the kitchen, still tied up, screaming. Bowser then came out still tied up as well.

"Run for your lives, everyone! IT'S THE APPETIZER!" The appetizer was now alive and it burst out of the kitchen, sending Bowser flying. Everyone crashed into the windows and doors trying to get out. Mario's tuxedo ripped in half into his ordinary clothes with a name tag that said "Mario, Cashier."

"We'll, Mario, I'm waiting."

Mario started to tear up. "Okay, I admit it, I'm a fraud! This was all a futile, pathetic attempt to impress you. I'm just a cashier!"

"Mario, I understand. I have a confession to make myself. I made everything up about my life. I have no yachts, jets, or anything. I was only trying to impress you. The horrible, sad truth is, I'm a cashier too!" Wario started to cry as Bowser played the violin.

"Is that true?" Mario asked.

"Of course not! I'm filthy stinking rich! Come on, everyone. Let's all take a ride in my balloon/casino!" Everyone cheered and followed Wario as the wallpaper ripped off. Mario sighed and sat on the floor. Pit then walked by, holding an ice pack on his head.

"Ugh, I got such a headache. What's going on with you?"

"Oh the usual." Bowser walked over and continued to play the violin. "Would you get out of here?!"


	7. Samus, Pit, and the Rayquaza

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 7: Samus, Pit, and the Rayquaza

* * *

It was a calm and peaceful night in Smashville. Everyone was sleeping silently in their homes. It was peaceful as peaceful could get.

Suddenly, a giant serpent flew through the quiet night. It flew around town, eating everything in sight.

The serpent then flew over a home. A home where Pit and his pet Mew was sleeping. Gary the Mew woke up to the strange noise and meowed in terror. Pit was sleeping in his bed as the monster ate his blanket, and then his pillow. Pit woke up and was horrified to see that most of his house was completely destroyed.

* * *

The next day, everyone gathered at the Smash Burger restaurant, talking about the horror that they had witnessed the previous night.

"I saw it!" Pit exclaimed. "It was big! It was all wiggly! And it ate everything!"

"That's horrible!" Kirby said, as he then gobbled an entire tray of food.

"It was a Hoenn Rayquaza!" Pit shouted.

Everyone gasped and then started to all talk at once, wondering what they were going to do.

"He ate my reflector!" Fox said.

"He ate the children's homework!" Zelda said as Toon Link and Villager gave a wink and a thumbs up.

"Do I need to say it?" King Dedede asked, as he had a huge bite taken out of his butt.

"How are we gonna protect ourselves?" Marth asked.

"I've got it!" Mario shouted as the crowd went silent. "Let's all buy a Smash Burger!" The crowd booed and threw bottles of ketchup and mustard at Mario.

"We should lock our doors!" Falco said.

"We should call an exterminator!" Lucina said.

"We should dig a moat!" Meta Knight said.

Then Kirby had a bright idea. "We should take all of Smashville, and push it somewhere else!"

The whole place went silent again, until Dark Pit spoke up. "That idea may just be crazy enough...TO GET US ALL KILLED!" Everyone started to murmur again.

"Let's get someone to go after it!" Fox said.

"There isn't anyone strong enough to take on a Hoenn Rayquaza!" Mario said. Suddenly, an awful screeching noise filled the place. Everyone cringed and covered their ears. It was Wolf, who was scratching his claws on the window. He glared at everyone as the place went silent again.

"You got a bathroom in this place?" Wolf asked.

"In the back." Mario answered, pointing towards the back.

"Thanks." Wolf rushed over the bathroom.

"I'll catch your Rayquaza for you." A voice said, and everyone turned towards its direction. The voice was Samus, who sat in the far corner of the restaurant. "That is, if you're willing to pay."

"No! You'll never get a cent out of me! Never!" Mario shouted as he defended that cash register. "I'd rather have that Rayquaza come in here right now, and eat you all alive!" Mario started to foam around his mouth, and then everyone looked at him strangely. Eventually, he calmed down. "Sorry."

Samus chuckled "Oh, shoot. I don't want your money, I was just playing up the drama of the moment is all." Mario chuckled, but it gradually turned to crying. "Nope. I'm gonna take that spineless creature down for nothing because this is personal. My power suit's gone." Everyone gasped. "Monster must've took it when I had my back turned. That coward!" Everyone started to whisper to one another. "I'm gonna take back what's mine!" Everyone started to cheer. Everyone that is, except for Pit.

"What?! Samus, you don't know what you're up against. We're talking about a Hoenn Rayquaza!"

"Well, I don't know about this Hoenn, but look here." Samus showed Pit a picture of her fighting aliens. "Back on Zebes I battled Metroids, and I battled Space Pirates. As far as I'm concerned, doing one giant just saves ammo. Now, I'm going to kick me some Rayquaza tail!" Samus headed towards the front doors while the crowd went wild.

"But Samus, you don't know!"

"Don't worry, Pit. I won't be long."

"Samus! Samus!" Pit then chased after her.

"Go get 'em, Samus! We have the utmost confidence in you!" Mario then turned to Kirby. "Now, what was that idea of yours?"

"PUSH!" All of the other Smashville residents started to push the town somewhere else.

* * *

Pit continued to chase after Samus. "Wait! Samus!"

"Hey Pit, you coming to watch?" Samus asked.

"Samus, don't go!"

"Why not?"

"Samus, I saw it. It's big, scary, and green!"

"So are Kraid's armpits, but I'm not afraid of that either."

"You'll get massacred!" Pit collapsed to the ground.

"Pit, I'm from Zebes. What you think is big and what I think is big are two totally different bigs. Besides, he's got my powser suit, I can't take that sitting down."

Pit sighed. "Okay. But what if the Rayquaza didn't take your power suit?"

"If the Rayquaza doesn't have my power suit, then who does?"

"Uh...I do."

"You do? Where?"

"Uh...in my pocket."

"Well, why didn't you say so? Give it here!" Pit nervously dug into his pocket and pulled something out. "Pit, that's a paperclip and a piece of string."

Pit shook his head. "No, it's not. This is your power suit."

"Pit!" Samus was annoyed.

"How do you know? Oh, don't go, don't go, don't go!"

"Pit, what is the matter with you? Now I'm going to give that legless monster what-for, and there's nothing you can say to stop me." Samus started to walk away.

"Oh, yeah? Well, what if I said...'blargen fedibble no-hip'?"

"Well, I gotta admit that did slow me down, but I'm still going for him!"

"You know, space suits are so overrated. Let's just forget about it and go home." Samus just continued walking. "I got ice cream! With nuts..." then appeared right in front of her wearing a fake mustache and a white captain's hat. "Samus, this is Adam Malkovich speaking, and I forbid you to go after this Rayquaza!" Samus just rolled her eyes and continued walking. "You come back here right now, young lady!"

"You're not my boss!"

Pit then stood right on front of her with boxing gloves. "Samus, if you wanna get to that Rayquaza, you're gonna have to go through me." Samus just pushed Pit aside and continued walking. Pit then grabbed her ankles and started crying. "Samus, no! I can't let you! I'm not gonna let you get killed. If you find him, you'll be eaten for sure!"

"There's no way some dumb old air worm is going to make a meal out of me. I'm just too tough!"

Pit continued to hold on to her ankles. "No, not tough enough! Not tough enough!"

"Pit, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, who's the strongest girl in all of Smashville?" Samus then pointed her paralyzer at a rock and blasted it.

"You are."

"And who came up with the Screw Attack and Morph Ball?"

"You did."

"And, who saves you winged backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?"

Pit looked and saw that his back had "Property of Samus Aran" on it. "You do."

"Right. And I can handle your little Rayquaza too, 'cause I'm the best there is! There's nothing to big or to ornery for me to catch."

Pit sighed. "Okay."

"I want you to say it."

"There isn't anything..."

"There's nothing!"

"There's nothing too big or too ornery for you to catch. But..." Pit tried to talk, but Samus kept cutting him off.

* * *

Pit and Samus continued to walk, with Samus constantly cutting Pit off. She then picked up something off the ground and sniffed it.

"Rayquaza sign." She was holding a tiny sign that said "Rayquaza" on it. "He's in that cave."

"Samus, are you sure you...?

"Course I am! I'm going in, and I'm not going out until I got myself a heaping plate of Raquaza stew." Samus then went into the cave while Pit hid behind a rock. "All right, there you are, you suit stealer!" Pit then began to hear blasts coming from the cave. Samus then poked her head out. "I'm winning, Pit!"

"Samus, that's not the...!" Samus continued to fight inside the cave. She poked her head out again.

"This shouldn't take too long!"

"Samus, that's not...!" Samus started to fight again and then peeked out once again.

"Almost done!"

"Samus!"

Samus came out riding on some pink thing. "I got him, Pit!"

"Samus...?"

"Wow, this monster put up some sort of fight. But no monster is a match for me. I even got my power suit!"

"That's not the Rayquaza."

"Excuse me?"

"That's not the Rayquaza. That's his tongue." Samus looked up and saw that the cave was the actual Rayquaza.

"Ohhh...this is the tongue and...the whole thing...is the...Rayquaza." There was a long pause.

" **RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!"** Samusscreamed. She and Pit then started to run just as the Rayquaza shut its mouth. It then roared loudly, and started to chase after the two.

"So what's the plan, Samus?" Pit asked.

"Run faster!"

"I could've thought of that. Hey, wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?!"

"Later!"

"He is too big for you, isn't he?"

"Not now, Pit!"

"I wanna hear you to say it!"

"Can't we talk about this another time?"

"Say it!"

"Pit!"

"Say it, or I'll trip you!"

"No! Get away!"

"Say it!"

"Not now!"

"Say it!"

"Alright! You were right, and I was wrong. I was wrong, wrong, wrong, worng, wrong! Are you happy now?"

"I knew it!"

The Rayquaza roared again. Pit and Samus screamed as they began to run faster. They ran up and down a sand mound, then the Rayquaza plowed right through it. They then ran past King Dedede, with his butt bandaged up. The Rayquaza then passed by and took another bite out of his butt.

"Not again!"

"Uh, Samus?"

"Yeah?

"What do we do now?"

Samus looked and saw that the Rayquaza was right behind them. She then came up with something. "I got it! Pit, do you still have that paperclip and that string?"

"I'm way ahead of you, Samus." Pit put the string around his neck and put the paperclip on it. "Look, it's a necklace! P for 'Pit', or S for 'Samus'! That way they can identify our bodies."

"No, silly! How about S for 'save our skins'?" Samus then used her plasma whip to swing her and Pit up onto the back of the Rayquaza. "We'll be nice and safe up here."

The Rayquaza then started to plow off a cliff like a runaway train. Pit and Samus screamed again as they began to run towards the end of the to safety. They eventually managed to land to safety as the Rayquaza continued to fall off the cliff.

"We did it!"

"He'll never get out of there!"

"We saved the town!"

"Yay! Let's go tell everybody!"

Pit and Samus started to walk back home, but little did they know that down below the cliff, the rest of the town was pushing towards the bottom of the cliff.

"PUSH!" Kirby yelled as the others continued to push the town. "PUSH!" They pushed the town one last time. They were all safe, but not for long.

"Hooray!" Everyone cheered, but then the Rayquaza fell from above and crash landed on the town, completely destroying it.

"Ouuuuuch!"


	8. The Grass is Always Greener

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 8: The Grass is Always Greener

* * *

Mewtwo sighed as he sat at a table in the Chum Bucket. Another attempt to steal the Smash Burger formula had failed.

"So, typical day of failure, I see, huh darling?" Mewtwo's wife, Mother Brain asked.

"Oh, can it, alien wife. Can't you see I'm exhausted? Why don't you make yourself useful and synthesize me up some grub."

"Yes, your majesty."

"What do we got here? Oh, goody. Holographic meatloaf again! When am I gonna get some real food? Mr. Mario gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's like some kind of human lightning bolt. I wish I could be successful like Mr. Mario. I wish I could somehow just switch lives with him. Just to know what it's like."

"Then why don't you use that "Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier" thing you built last Tuesday?"

Mewtwo instantly spit out his drink. "What a brilliant idea! Your parents must've been like, part brain or something." Mother Brain sighed.

* * *

"Now, let's see here." Mewtwo looked through until he saw what he was looking for. "Well, I hate to leave you, Mother Brain, but you know what they say, a rolling stone gathers no grass." Mewtwo pressed a button and then went through a hole in time and space. He then suddenly stopped for a second to take a drink, and then continued to scream. He then woke up somewhere different. "Sweet Arceus from above. What happened last night?" Mewtwo looked up and saw that he was sitting in an office. "What's this?" He picked up a name tag on the desk. "Mr. Mewtwo?" He then looked at a picture with him and Phosphora. "Who the Dialga?" He then got up and looked through the door window. "I'm in the Smash Burger...which means that the life switcher was a success! The Smash Burger is mine!" Mewtwo then looked and saw that he was dressed. "Corporate casual!"

"Order up! Two deluxe Smash Burgers!" A familiar voice called out.

"At last!"

Pit had just finished delivering the food to Luigi as Mewtwo came to the table. "There you are sir. Two deluxe...Hello there, Mr. Mewtwo."

"Er, um, hey there, uh Pit. Oh, Pit?"

"Yes, sir!"

"I'm gonna need to take one of these burgers back to my office for um, bun inspection."

"I'm afriad you can't do that, Mr. Mewtwo!"

"Why-why not?"

"Because that burger is for the customer, sir!"

"The customer? I'll boil the customer in hot oil, and I'll rip out his-" Pit glared at Mewtwo. "I mean uh, yes, of course, for the lovely...customer."

"But you can take these burgers, sir." Pit handed Mewtwo two burgers. "I made them in the off chance that you decide to instigate some bun inspection today, Mr. Mewtwo, sir!"

"Uhh...yes, uh, very nice. Um, thanks." Mewtwo rushed back to his office with the burgers. "All mine! It's finally all mine! The burgers, the wealth, the notoriety!" He looked up and saw that Pit was standing right in front of him. "Pit? What do you want?"

"Well, it's just that it's Tuesday again, sir and I was wondering if I could have my...um...weekly performance review!"

"Review?"

"Oh, yes. Please, sir, please!"

"But I've never reviewed anything...except for those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me."

"Oh please, sir! I wanna make you so happy and proud!" Pit pleaded.

"You're doing fine, now leave me with my work."

"But sir!"

"I though I sent you away, Cretin."

"But sir, there's gotta be something I've gotta improve on. ANYTHING!"

"All right, the sauce."

Pit gasped. "Wh-what?"

"The sauce." Mewtwo repeated. "I don't know. You're using too much sauce, okay? Review's over." Pit's face suddenly changed and then started making weird movements with his arms. "What's the matter with you? All I said was a little too much sauce. It's no big deal, really." Pit just continued with his strange movements. "What do you want from me, a promotion?"

"A pro-a promo-a promotion?!"

"Uh, sure, kid, you're uh...you're on register now."

"Register!" Pit bolted out the door.

"Glad that's over."

Dark Pit was standing at the register reading a magazine. He then looked and saw that Pit was right next to him.

"Pit-stain, do you remember that little talk we had about 'personal space'?"

"It's okay, Pittoo. I'm official, look!" Pit showed him the new name tag on his shirt.

Dark Pit gasped. "Co-Cashier?" He then headed to Mewtwo office.

"So, have you two known each other long?"

"You can't do this to me, Mr. Mewtwo! If you think that I should be standing out there all day listening to that idiotic Pit-stain, then you must have a needle wedged in your frontal lobe!"

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"I'd like my view to be a little less white, if you know what I mean."

Mewtwo then put Dark Pit behind the register at the grill. "Hope you like grey."

Pit poked his head out through the window. "Hey Pittoo, I can see you through this little window!" Dark Pit groaned.

"Now, no more intrusions! I'd like to begin writing the memoirs of my success story, so everyone just stay the-"

Suddenly, someone busted in through the front doors of the restaurant. It was Phosphora, who went in like a hyperactive lightning bolt. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

"Just tell Daddy what you want! He's very busy!"

"Could I please have a um...an advance on my allowance?" Phosphora asked.

"If it'll get you off my tail." Mewtwo handed Phosphora a one dollar bill. "Go crazy."

"One dollar? You hate me!" Phosphora started to cry, with her tears flying everywhere.

Mewtwo suddenly felt someone tap on his shoulder. "You!"

"Who, me?" Mewtwo turned around and saw that Falco was looking at him angrily.

"You think this is funny?"

"In a cosmic sort of way, yes."

"Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?!" Falco showed Mewtwo what looked like an ordinary burger.

"What? It's just an ordinary -OH MY GOODNESS!" Mewtwo saw that the burger had a bunch of nasty stuff in it. "Pittoo!"

"I tried, Mr. Mewtwo. I really did." Pit said with remorse.

"Oh, what now?" Mewtwo groaned.

"A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I GAVE HIM A LARGE! I'VE SOILED THE GOOD SMASH BURGER NAME! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!" Pit screamed.

"I command you to stop that. Stop that and return to your post!" Mewtwo tried to get Pit to stop, but he wouldn't. "Where's the off button on this thing?"

Phosphora then appeared right next to them. "Okay, Daddy, I've decided I'm gonna run away. Run away and find a new daddy!"

"Make it stop!" Suddenly, an alarm went off. "What, did I say the secret word?"

"No, sir. He's back."

"Who's back? What?" Mewtwo then saw something flash by. "What was that?"

"MAN YOUR STATIONS! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! TAKE COVER!" Pit yelled. Everyone screamed and ducked for cover.

"Take cover from what?!" Mewtwo was completely confused.

"He's around here somewhere." Pit saw the mysterious figure flash by again. "There he goes!"

"What? Who? Where? Somebody tell me!"

"Some say he walked out of the darkest alley in the city." Marth said.

"He's the nastiest of all the monsters." Phosphora said.

"He's the most hated person in Smashville." Pit said.

"And he's finally got a Smash Burger!" The mysterious figure laughed.

"Mario? What the Palkia is going on here?" Mewtwo asked.

"That's your arch competitor, Mario. His goal in life is to steal a Smash Burger and ruin our restaurant."

"That's terrible!"

"Yeah, but the worst part is..."

Mewtwo looked and saw that Mario was in nothing but his underwear. "Good grief! He's naked!"

"Clothe me if you can, silly nitwits!" Mario laughed.

"I'm gonna make you eat those words, Mario!" Pit then appeared with a cannon and started to fire clothes at Mario, who dodged them. "No shoes, no shirt, no service!"

Mario kept dodging the clothes until Pit finally hit him with a bra. "Aw, you got me. Well, at least it's underwire. Here's your stinking burger!"

"I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here?" Mewtwo asked.

"Knick-knack the burger's back! You did it, Mr. Mewtwo. VICTORY SCREECH!" Pit and the everybody else started to screech.

"Enjoy your victory screech Mewtwo, because someday the formula will be mine!"

"You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend!" Pit yelled.

"Oh, but I will! Even if I have to come back tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..."

"Phone call, Mr. Mewtwo." Pit put the phone near Mewtwo's ear.

"And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..." Mario continued over the phone.

Mewtwo screamed and ripped his clothes off. "It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." Mewtwo pressed a button and was now back to his normal life. "Holographic meatloaf? My favorite!"


	9. Christmas Who? Part 1

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode Nine: Christmas Who? Part 1

* * *

Pit was standing on top of a cliff, looking at Viridi's house down below. "Today, I'm gonna sneak up and get that Viridi with a super sneaky karate move." Pit started practicing karate as he approached Viridi's house. "What kind of diabolical act is she committing now?" Pit watched as Viridi was lighting up a tree. "Fire! Don't worry, Viridi, I'm coming!" Pit burst in with a bucket of water. "Stand back, Viridi, fire!" Pit looked and saw that Viridi was glaring at him. "So I guess there's no fire?"

"What in the name of Zeus is wrong with you, Pit? Haven't you ever seen a Christmas tree before?" Viridi asked angrily.

"Christmas who?"

"What?! You've never heard of Christmas?"

"Is she a friend of yours?"

Viridi laughed. "No. I can't believe you haven't heard of...Christmas."

"Tell me more about this...'Christmas'."

And so, Viridi wove the magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, she told of the one they call, Santa Claus.

* * *

At the Smash Burger restaurant, Pit was telling Mario, Kirby, and Dark Pit about Christmas. "And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake. But the best part is you can write a letter to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want and when he comes, he brings it to you."

"Just like a genie." Kirby laughed.

"I don't know about you, but any fella who's giving away free stuff, is a friend of mine." Mario said.

"That's the spirit, Mr. Mario." Pit handed him a piece of paper. "Here you go! You can get started on your letter."

"I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts." Dark Pit sighed.

"Like a genie." Kirby added.

"Pipe down, Dark Pit. I'm trying to concentrate. This thing is as good as a blank check direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus."

"Oh, brother." Dark Pit groaned.

"Okay, who's next?" Pit asked.

"Ooh, ooh, me, me!"

"Here you go, Kirby."

"There's no words on this paper."

"Not yet." Pit handed Kirby a pencil.

"Yipee! A writing stick."

"C'mon, Pittoo. Write a letter."

"Pit-stain, grow up will ya? No one's going to give me a gift just because I write them a stupid letter."

"Pit, I ripped my paper. Could I have another one?" Kirby asked.

"Sure, buddy. Here you go. Okie dokie, Pit..." Another rip was heard. "...too."

"Uhh, Pit..." Pit gave him another piece of paper. "Thanks." Kirby started writing his letter on top of the pencil. "Dear Sant..." The paper ripped again. "D'oh! Not again."

"Here, Kirby, watch me. Dear Santa, what do I want for Christmas, you may ask? All I want is for you to visit the gentle folk here in Smashville. That is my wish." After he was done, Pit put the letter in a bottle.

* * *

"Kirby, I designed this mechanism specifically to shoot bottles to the North Pole. The hopes of everyone rests on the success of it's maiden voyage. Fire in the hole!" Pit shouted as he shot the bottle from the cannon.

"Santa!" Kirby laughed as the bottle shot across the sky. "Where's Santa?"

"Santa dosen't come till Christmas Eve."

"Okay boy, my demands, uhh, I mean, my letter, is ready to go." Mario said.

"Great, Mr. Mario. What did you wish for?" Pit asked.

"A pony."

"Really?"

"With saddle bags full of money!" Pit then shot the bottle off into the distance.

"Here you go, Pit."

"What did you wish for, Kirby?" Pit asked.

"Another piece of paper."

"And what did you wish for, little girl?"

"Front teeth." Nana answered.

"I could use a new hat." Luigi said.

"I need a new hairstyle." Zelda said.

"I'd like a glass of water for my teeth." Tortimer said.

Pit continued to shoot the bottles of everyone's letters. A huge crowd had gathered around him.

"Excuse me, coming through, out of the way." Dark Pit said as he pushed through the crowd.

"Great, Pittoo, you finished. What's you wish?" Pit asked.

"My wish is that the people of Smashville will stop paying any attention to the inane dribble that is constantly streaming out of this thunderhead's mouth."

"Gee, Pittoo, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said." Dark Pit groaned and walked away. "Okay, everybody, we've got a lot to do now that we've summoned Santa Claus. We must ready ourselves for his arrival." Pit announced as everyone cheered.

* * *

 _ **Pit and Kirby: It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday.**_

 _ **Not your normal, average, everyday.**_

 _ **Dark Pit: Sounds like someone felled my old tree.**_

 _ **Pit-stain, Kirby, why'd you do this to me?**_

 _ **Pit and Kirby: The world feels like it's in loverly!**_

 _ **Dark Pit: Go away before I harm you bodily!**_

 _ **Pit and Kirby: This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!**_

 _ **There'll be shopping, decorating, and plenty of snow!**_

 _ **Pit: Hey Kirby, who's that under the mistletoe?**_

 _ **Dark Pit: What? Who, me? Would you look at the time, I should go!**_

 _ **Mewtwo: People seem a little more brotherly!**_

 _ **Mario: Here's a special something to you from me!**_

 _ **Pit and Kirby: Even all the trash on Christmas it sounds so sweetly!**_

 _ **This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!**_

 _ **Pit: (Sings incoherently)**_

 _ **Dark Pit: What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy?**_

 _ **Pit and Kirby: Step outside, we've got something for you to see!**_

 _ **Dark Pit: Pit-stain, take this stuff down immediately!**_

 _ **Pit and Kirby: Chestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree!**_

 _ **Everyone: Tonight things are as good as they seem to be!**_

 _ **Kirby: A star on top will complete all the scenery!**_

 _ **Everyone: This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!**_  
 _ **This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me!**_

* * *

 _ **To be continued in Part 2...**_


	10. Christmas Who? Part 2

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode Ten: Christmas Who? Part 2

* * *

"I hope he can read Japanese." Marth said as Pit shot another bottle out of the cannon.

"Ahh, that's the last letter." Pit then suddenly remembered something. "Wait! Pittoo hasn't written his letter yet!" Pit raced to Dark Pit's house with a pencil and paper. "Pittoo! Hurry! Pittoo, Pittoo! Hurry!"

"Pit-stain, what are you doing?"

"Don't worry, Pittoo. I'll help you get started." Pit started to write a letter. "Dear Santa Claus..."

"Pit-stain, forget it."

"Right, too formal. Hi Santa..."

"Pit, no."

"Howdy Claus?"

"I'm not writing a letter to a figment of your imagination."

"But, Pittoo, when Santa comes, you'll be the only one without a gift."

"Pit-stain, how many times do I have to say it? I don't believe in Santa Claus!"

"C'mon, Pittoo, all you have to do is write a letter. What have you got to lose?"

"My self respect. My sanity. My lunch."

"Pittoo, c'mon." Everyone tried to get Dark Pit to come out of his house.

"Santa Claus is a big phony! Pit has got you all fooled."

"C'mon, Pittoo. C'mon!"

"Those idiots are gonna be up all night while I get a full night's sleep." Dark Pit then went to sleep, only to be interrupted by the others singing outside.

"Oh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight."

"C'mon everybody! Let's sing until Santa gets here." Pit said.

Everyone continued to sing all night. By the next morning, everyone was tired from singing.

"Hey! Where's Santa?" Fox asked.

"Uh, he should be here any minute." "Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight." Everyone else got tired of it and started walking away.

"Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale! Let's go waste out time somewhere else."

"Hey, guys, where's your Christmas spirit? He's just running a little late."

"He probably just stopped for a snack! Fat guys get hungry, right?" Pit and Kirby waited for Santa to come, but he never did. "Never trust a genie." Kirby sighed as he walked away, leaving Pit all alone.

"Ahh, morning already? Oh, boy!" Dark Pit stepped outside and spoke through a megaphone. "Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. Wait." Dark Pit saw that Pit was standing all alone. "Oh, I see a great Christmas photo op." Dark Pit then took out a camera. "Could you move in a little? Say Santa Claus."

"Santa Claus." Pit said sadly as Dark Pit took the picture.

"Aww, our first Christmas." Dark Pit then started dancing and laughing at Pit. "This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas. The first Christmas is this Christmas. Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me."

"You were right, Pittoo. This is a stupid holiday." Pit took out a present. "I still want you to have this."

"What? What's this?" Dark Pit asked.

"A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when...Santa came!" Pit then started crying and walked away.

"Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I..."

"You're welcome."

"Pit? He made me a present? It's probably just a Metroid net, or an old Smash Burger, or...his favorite underpants." Dark Pit opened the present and saw that it was a staff. "Why, it looks like a staff. It smells like one too. It's even got my name on it. Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. Oh, I feel like a...I feel like a...I feel like a...big jerk. What have I done to poor Pit. Uh, hey, Pit? I...?"

"I guess I won't be needing this." Pit began to take the decorations off his house. "That's better."

"Poor little guy. All he wanted was to spread a little joy."

"I better get this stuff off of Pittoo's house."

"Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!"

"Huh? Hello? Who's there? Huh? Hello?"

"Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!" Dark Pit was standing on top of his roof, dressed up as Santa Claus.

"Hello? Yes. Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself. Yoo-hoo. Hello? Who is it? Huh?"

"Up here you dunce! I mean, uh, Merry Christmas little boy."

Pit looked up and gasped. "Could it be?"

"Yes, it is I, Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho..." Dark Pit slipped off the roof and tumbled to the ground right in front of Pit.

"Hey, you're S-S-S-S-S-S-San...S-S-S-S-S-S-San...S-S-S-S-S-S-San..."

"Hey, uh, kid, take it easy."

"S-S-S-S-S-S-Santa..." Pit stammered, and then he fainted.

"Pit? Pit? Pit?"

"S-S-S-S-S-S-San..." Pit stammered again, until Dark Pit put his hand over his mouth.

"Don't do that again."

"Oh, I knew you'd make it, Santa. Hey, Santa, where's your big round belly?"

"Oh, that's because I'm on a diet this year."

"And what about your reindeer? And your flying machine?"

"Uhh, I loaned them to the Easter Bunny."

"Santa! This is the greatest you could've given me. Thank you for bringing Christmas to Smashville."

"I didn't bring Christmas to Smashville, Pit, you did."

"I did?!" Pit then fainted again.

"Merry Christmas, Pit. Merry Christmas!" Dark Pit sighed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad that's over."

"Do you have a present for me, Santa?" Nana asked.

"Oh, well, uhh, see I'm not really..."

Pit laughed. "Go ahead, Santa Claus. See, he is real. He made my Christmas wish come true, he won't let you down."

"Uhh, right, just a second." Dark Pit went inside his house, looking for something to give. "C'mon, let's see. What do little girls like? A book of matches? Or a shaving kit? A copy of my birth certificate? There's got to be something around here. Think. Think. Think. Ha! Perfect!" Dark Pit came out and gave Nana a wrench.

"Thanks, Santa."

"That almost felt good." Dark Pit turned around and saw that there was a line of people waiting to recieve gifts.

"Hey, Santa, where's my present?" Falco asked.

"And mine!" Tortimer added.

"And what about me?" Peach asked.

"Let's see what Santa has for all you good people." Dark Pit went back inside his house. "Think fast, Santa. Gifts for good people. A-ha! A bowl of mashed potatoes for you." Dark Pit handed a bowl of mashed potatoes to Zelda.

"Thank you, Santa. This is just what I wanted." Zelda dumped the mashed potatoes on her head. "A new hairstyle."

"Here you go, Kirby." Dark Pit said, giving Kirby a clock.

"Wow." Kirby punched a hole through the clock. "A wrist watch."

Dark Pit continued to give all of his things to everyone. By the time everyone was gone, he had nothing left in his house.

"What was I thinking? I gave away all my stuff just 'cause Pit-stain wouldn't be sad. Am I insane?" There was then a knock on the door. "You might as well take the door. It's all that's left." Dark Pit opened the door and saw that Pit was standing there, waving his arms excitedly.

"Pittoo! You missed him! He was here just like I said! He gave us all presents. He was jolly and he had a beard. His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks. He was friendly and kind." Dark Pit turned Pit around and pushed him back towards his house.

"Well, at least it's over." Dark Pit then noticed a piece of paper on his front steps. "Huh? What's this?"

 _Dear Dark Pit,_

 _Thanks for all your help! You've been a real good boy this year._

 _Warm regards,_

 _Santa Claus_

Dark Pit looked up and saw that Santa was flying through the sky in his sled. "Yep, I'm insane." He grumbled as he walked back inside.


	11. Welcome to the Chum Bucket

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode Eleven: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

* * *

"Come on Pit, it's quittin' time. I've got a card game tonight." Mario called as he put the closed sign on the front door to the Smash Burger restaurant.

"Who're you playing cards with, Mr. Mario?" Pit asked.

"I'm going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Mewtwo."

Pit gasped. "Mewtwo! But Mr. Mario, he's your arch-enemy. He's been trying to steal the Smash Burger formula for years. Why would you play cards with him?"

"Between you and me, Mewtwo is the worst card player in Smashville! Why, I've been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! I never lose!" Pit and Mario then walked home laughing.

* * *

The next morning, Mario arrived at the restauraunt crying, while Pit came still laughing.

"Taking him to the cleaners, that's a hot one! How'd your card game go last night, Mr. Mario?"

"I lost." Mario answered sadly.

"How much money did you lose?"

"I didn't lose any money. I lost..."

"Don't tell me you lost the Smash Burger!"

"I lost..."

"Mr. Mario, please tell me you didn't lose the Smash Burger secret formula!"

"I lost...you!"

"What?"

"I bet your contract and I lost."

Pit laughed. "Good one, Mr. Mario. Well, I got to go make those burgers." He walked towards the restaurant, but Mario stopped him.

"I'm afraid you don't work here anymore."

"Please tell me this isn't a joke." Dark Pit said as he ran out the door.

"Go on, Mr. Mario. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke."

"As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. You work for me now, Pit! Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet." Mewtwo went and put the Chum Bucket helmet on Pit's head. He screamed and ran up to Mario.

"But Mr, Mario! I don't want to work for him! I want to work for you here at the Smash Burger!"

"I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!"

"What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? I would!" Mewtwo took out a crowbar and used it to pry Pit off of Mario.

"Pit!"

"Mr. Mario!" Pit yelled as he was flung into a cage.

"This is your greatest blunder, Mario! For 15 years, I've been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up! I may not have the precious Smash Burger formula but I've got the next big thing: the guy who makes 'em! I'm gonna run you out of business, Mario!"

A propeller emerged from the cage and piloted Pit into the Chum Bucket. "Mr. Mario!"

"Pit!" Mario screamed as he started to sob.

* * *

A spotlight shone over a dark area, and Pit was then dropped into it.

"What is this place?" Pit looked around and saw various gizmos all over the place. He gasped in horror at what was around him.

"Ok, I'm ready for my Smash Burger!"

"Actually, uh, Mr. Mewtwo, sir, I haven't, uhh..."

"Perhaps you don't understand. You work for me now and as your new boss, I command you to make me a burger this instant, or I'll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! So get cooking." Mewtwo said as he left the room.

Pit sighed as he walked over to a weird looking stove. "The sign say kitchen, but my heart says Jail." He sighed again and then started to sing.

 _Pit: A stove is a stove, no matter where you go._

 _Mario: A burger is a burger, that's what I say._

 _Pit: A grill is a grill, this is surely so,_

 _Mario: And fries should be fries, either way._

 _Pit: But this grill is not a home. This is not the stove I know._

 _Mario: I would trade it all away, if you'd come back to stay._

 _Both: This kitchen's not the same without you._

 _Mario: It's just a grill, it's true._

 _Pit: It's just a greasy spoon..._

 _Both: ...without you._

"What is he doing? All these tears...and the showtunes...Why isn't he making the burgers? Forget it. I'm going with plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef."

"You know that never works! The answer is obvious: to get the Pit, you must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give you what you want." Mother Brain said.

"Will you be quiet? I'm thinking!" Mewtwo thought for a moment. "I've got it! To get the Pit, I'll show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want."

(Line Break)

Pit was still struggling with one of the strange cooking machines until Mewtwo appeared.

"Hi!"

Pit let out a yelp in surprise. "I'm sorry Mewtwo, I've tried my best. I'm not used to cooking this way! Please don't take my brain out!"

"Hold it, Pit, I'm capable of compassion and understanding."

"Really?! Then I would like to go back to the Smash Burger."

"Let's not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?"

"Well, I usually cook on a grill."

"You got it!" Mewtwo brought a grill into the Chum Bucket. "Well it wasn't easy, but here it is! One frying grill. How about we try it out?"

Pit gasped. "Uh, it's just that I'm used to the grill facing that way."

"Say no more, I'll take care of everything." Mewtwo started to push the grill. "How about here?"

"A little more to the left."

"How's this, Pit?"

"Move it over a little more."

"Here?"

"Keep going."

"Here?"

"Almost! That's it, just a little more...perfect! Right there!" Mewtwo had pushed the grill exactly where it was before. "I don't know, it still doesn't feel right."

* * *

"Just a few more steps, Pit." Mewtwo guided Pit to a room, where he was blindfolded "Ok, go ahead, take it off!" He took off the blindfold. "It's an exact replica of the Smash Burger kitchen!"

"It is an exact replica! Here's the sink, the greasy fryers, the squeaky floorboards, and that thing! One Smash Burger coming up, Mr. Mario!" Pit's face changed and he started to cry. "Oh...Mr. Mario!"

"Don't cry, Pit! I'll show you it's much better working for me! Is there anything that old skinflint Mario wouldn't let you have?"

"Well...there is one thing I've always wanted..."

* * *

"Wow!" Pit gasped as he was now wearing some fancy vibrating shoes.

"So now do you have everything you need to make some burgers?"

"Well..."

* * *

Pit was now in a bubble bath, eating some ice cream.

"You ready to make some burger?" Mewtwo asked.

"Wait till I finish my ice cream!"

* * *

Pit was now riding a toy car, with Mewtwo pushing him.

"How about those burgers?"

"Faster! Faster!"

* * *

Mewtwo was now reading Pit a book. "And then the littlest elf said..." He looked and saw that Pit was asleep. "Huh? Steady, Mewtwo! It's all gonna pay off soon enough. Hey there, sleepy head, what do you say?"

"All this preparation is making me hungry."

"Me too. You know what would really hit the spot? Why don't you whip us up a couple of burgers?"

"Mmmm...I'm kind of in the mood for tacos."

Mewtwo laughed. "Good one, Pit. But really, why don't you go ahead and make us a burger?"

Pit yawned. "No, I don't really feel like it!"

"But I don't understand. You have the grill, and the spatula, and the comfy chair. I rubbed your putrid feet!"

"Tell you what, kitty: why don't you ask me later!"

"I command you to make me a burger this instant!" Mewtwo growled.

Pit crossed his arms in refusal. "No!"

"Don't back sass me!"

"Do ba da ma!" Pit mocked.

"What?! That's it, mister! You just lost your brain privileges."

* * *

"Finished! Pit, come in here! Or should I say Pit bot... I put his brain in the robot you know. You shouldn't have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want, and I want you to make me a Smash Burger!"

"Dee dee, doodle dee di do. Response: Why don't you ask me later?" The robot beeped.

"What? What?!"

"Get welded."

"Wait! I command you to make me a Smash Burger!"

"I don't wanna." The robot said as it was reading comic books. Mewtwo screamed out of pure madness.

* * *

"Well, old girl, this looks like our final chapter." Mario sighed as he put an 'Out of Business' sign on the front window of his restaurant. He then looked and saw Mewtwo standing out front crying.

"I can't take it anymore. You've gotta take that winged nightmare back! It's not worth it. I'm better off stealing a Smash Burger fair and square."

"Um...Well...a deal's a deal, Mewtwo. He's your headache now."

"Oh, please, have mercy, Mario! I'll do anything! I beg of you!" Mewtwo begged.

"How 'bout...you give me fifty bucks, and I'll take him off your hands."

"It's a deal! I cheated anyway."

"Now, be gone with you, you pest!"

"Thank you!" Mewtwo yelled as he was launched back into the Chum Bucket. "Ouch."

"My brain and I are glad to be back, Mr. Mario."

"Glad to have you back, lad. Now get to those burgers! The lunch rush is a-comin'!"

Pit yawned. "I don't feel like it! Why don't you ask me later?" Mario glared at Pit. "I mean...I'll work all day for free! My treat!"

"That's what I thought you said."


	12. Dark Angel on Strike

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode Twelve: Dark Angel on Strike

* * *

"Counting my money, money sweeter than honey, money, money, this, money, money, that, profit will make my wallet fat!" Mario sang as he counted his money, and then gasped as he looked at the ticker tape. "What?! Profit's down three dollars from last month! I got to start running a tighter ship around here!"

"Thank you for choosing the Smash Burger. Here's your change." Dark Pit said as he gave Zelda her change.

"Mr. Dark Pit!"

"What?"

"What's with all this 'change' nonsense?"

Pit then walked over, trying to adjust his scarf. "Over and under, grab the end, put it through here, up and around, round the horn, bring it back home."

"Hmm? Pit! I ain't paying you to play dress up!" In response, Dark Pit let out a breath of exasperation. "Breath on your own time. I don't pay you to breath."

"You hardly pay us at all."

"Oh, that reminds me. I got something for you." Mario handed Pit and Dark Pit envelopes.

"Ah, yes! Our meager restitution." Dark Pit sniffed the envelope and sighed. "Ah, the sweet smell of pay day." He opened the envelope and saw that it had a pair of underwear inside. "Huh?"

"Oh, sorry, that's my dry cleaning. Here's your check. And here's yours, Pit."

"I can't accept your money, Mr. Mario. Grilling is my passion!"

"What is this?!" Dark Pit asked incredulously. "You're making me pay you to stand at the cash register? What is the meaning of this? Have you gone off the deep end?"

"There's going to be a few changes around here. Each time I catch you two goofing off, I'm gonna charge you for it."

"18...19...and...20. Here you go, Mr. M. I think this should cover all my nonsense. Oh, and here's and extra fifty cents for when I was tying my shoe." Mario drooled over the money that Pit had given him. Dark Pit then pulled Pit towards him.

"Uh, Pit-stain? What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm just giving Mr. Mario the money I owe him."

"Well I'm not paying that cheapstake Mario one cent, and I suggest you do the same."

"Why?"

"We've got to unite as workers and demand the respect we deserve from the boss! In fact, you and I should go on strike!"

"Wow! You and me go on strike?"

"Sure! After all, you like your job, right?"

"Right!"

"And you want to keep working here, right?"

"Right!"

"And while you work here, you expect to be treated fairly, right?"

"Right!"

"Then let's go on strike!"

"Yay! A strike!" Pit cheered, and then started to sing. "We're going on strike! We're going on strike! I still don't know what a strike means, but we're going on strike!" Pit then went up to Mario and kicked him in the butt. "Hey, guess what, Mr. Mario? Me and Pittoo are gonna go on strike!"

"A strike?"

"Yeah."

"You mean you're going to make picket signs?"

"Yeah."

"And you're going to make protest speeches?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"And you're gonna demand me respect?"

"Yeah!"

* * *

Pit stood outside the Smash Burger sobbing. "No! Pittoo, you didn't tell me I was gonna get fired! Without the Smash Burger, I-I-I...Oh, Pittoo, could you hold me? I think I'm going to be sick."

"Pit-stain! News flash, Pit-stain! I got fired too!" Dark Pit pulled Pit away from the door, only for him to latch back onto it. "This is exactly why we need to go on strike. He can't treat us like this anymore! He owes us for all the precious, irretrievable moments we've wasted in this trash heap." Dark Pit looked inside the Smash Burger and saw Mario putting up a 'Help Wanted' sign. "Soon, he'll realize he needs us more than we need him. We are workers united!" He then looked and saw Pit holding his hand. "Ahem."

"Sorry."

"Just do exactly as I say, Pit-stain, and in no time you'll have your job back and more."

"And more?"

* * *

"Alright Pit-stain, now listen up. I'm going to teach you how to strike. First, we must get rid of our uniforms, they are a symbol of our oppression. I want you to throw your hat on the ground like so. Now, stomp it into the dust! Your turn, Pit-stain." Pit slowly took his hat off his head. "That's the idea. Now throw it on the ground."

Pit tried to throw his hat on the ground, but was unable to let go of it, despite not even holding on to it. "I can't do it, Pittoo. This hat is my friend! It never oppressed me."

"Pit-stain, you're pathetic. Look, I threw my hat on the ground."

Suddenly, Fox walked over and gave Dark Pit a ticket. "Aha! A confession! Next time, think before you litter."

* * *

"Okay, pay attention, Pit-stain. Now we're going to make picket signs. This is a very important part of striking."

"Like this, Pittoo?" Pit asked as he held up a picket fence on a stick.

"Not a picket fence, you ding-dong! Picket sign!"

"How's this?" Pit then held up a sign showing a finger picking a nose.

"...No. This is a picket sign: Smash Burger unfair. Short, sweet, and to the point."

"How's this, Pittoo?"

Dark Pit facepalmed. "Pit-stain, it's 'unfair' not 'funfair'!"

"A funfair? Where?" Olimar asked. "I could go for some fun."

"At the Smash Burger."

"Hey, everybody! Let's go to the funfair!" Suddenly, a huge crowd of people rushed to the restauraunt, trampling over Dark Pit in the process.

* * *

"Smash Burger is unfair! Mr. Mario is in there! Standing at the consession! Plotting his oppression!" Pit chanted.

"What the heck does that mean?" Shulk asked.

"I don't know. Pittoo told me to yell it at people."

"Then you must be Pit!"

"Yep!"

"Dude, you are like a fry cook legend! Will you sign my spatula?"

"Anything for an aspiring fry cook. So, did you come down to help out the cause?"

"No, I came to take your job." Pit's eyes widdened upon realizing what he had just done. "Hey, thanks dude!"

" **Attention, Pit-stain!** _ **You are a terrible striker!**_ " Dark Pit yelled into a megaphone right in Pit's face. "You just let your replacement cross our picket line without so much as a single threat."

"I'm sorry, Pittoo. How about I try the signs again?"

" _ **Forget the signs!**_ I've got something for you to do. Go stand over there."

"Like this, Pittoo?"

"Almost. A little more to the right. And...perfect." Pit stood behind a pole while Dark Pit started to speak through the megaphone. "Attention, people of Smashville! You have been cheated and lied to!"

"I knew it!" Zelda muttered as she slapped Link.

"The gentle laborer shall no longer suffer from the noxious greed of Mr. Mario!"

"Hey, what's that guy talking about?" Falco asked.

"I don't know, but he's got a megaphone." Marth replied.

"We will dismantle oppression board by board! We'll saw the foundation of big business in half, even if it take _**an eternity!**_ " The crowd started to cheer.

"Gee, I don't know what Pittoo's talking about, but he sure sounds convincing."

"With your support, we will send the hammer of the people's will crashing through the windows of Mr. Mario's _**house of servitude!**_ " The crowed cheered again.

"Wow, all of this support is making me hungry." Rosalina said.

"Hey, everybody! Let's go get a Smash Burger." Olimar said. Everyone cheered and then trampled over Dark Pit again as they headed towards the restauraunt.

"Nobody gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification."

"That was a great speech, Pittoo. You practically had them eating out of your hands."

"But they didn't, did they, Mr. Dark Pit? 'Cause they were too busy eating out of mine. I wish you two had gone on strike earlier. Thanks for attracting all these paying customers with all your signage and sloganeering!"

"Alright, Mr. Mario. You've gone too far this time. You can pick on me, but Pittoo is a great leader. We are workers united! We're tired of your smelly greed! And we're gonna saw all your tables, and we're gonna smash stuff with the people's hammer. And we're gonna...we're gonna...Pittoo, what was that other part?"

"Dismantle your oppressive establishment?"

"Yeah, that too!" Mario pretended to yawn and walked away. "And me and Pittoo are gonna stay on strike until we get what we deserve. Even if it takes forever!"

The word "forever" continued to echo in Dark Pit's mind for the rest of the day. He then lay in his bed, eyes completely bloodshot.

"On strike with Pit-stain...forever?" Dark Pit then imagined himself as an old man standing in front of the restauraunt still on strike. An old Pit then walked up to him with a cane.

"Hey, Pittoo. I bet old man Mario is going to break any day. Nyeh, Pittoo? Nyeh, Pittoo? Nyeh, Pittoo? Nyeh, Pittoo? Nyeh, Pittoo? Nyeh, Pittoo?"

Dark Pit then sat up on his bed screaming. "I gotta beg Mr. Mario for my job back and put an end to this nightmare!" He rushed downstairs where Mario was at the front door.

"Oh! Uh, evening, Mr. Dark Pit. Uh...I was in the neighborhood and I uh...thought I'd drop by to...beg you to come back to work! The Smash Burger is a wreck! I'm ruined without you and your little light twin. The teenagers I hired are ruining the place! And the worst part is, they won't leave me alone!"

"All right, Mr. Mario!" Shulk, Diddy Kong, and Roy said as they gave him a thumbs up.

"See what I mean? Dark Pit, please, you got to come back." Mario begged.

"You'll give us anything we want?"

"Yes, anything. So what do you say, Mr. Dark Pit?"

"Your story breaks my heart, Mr. Mario. Why don't we take a little walk and, us...discuss my terms."

"I got a bad feeling in the pit of my wallet."

* * *

Pit sat on his bed as a record was playing a song. "Gee, being on strike with Pittoo sure is a kick. Pittoo's words are still buzzing around in my head like an angry Metroid. Pittoo was right! I can't just sit here, it's time for action!"

* * *

Pit burst into the Smash Burger restaurant. "I will restore the working man to his rightful glory. I willl desmantle this oppressive establishment board by board! I will saw the tables of tyranny in half! Gnaw at the ankles of big business! Pittoo will be so proud!"

* * *

"Well, Dark Pit, those were intense negotiations." Mario said as he and Dark Pit were heading towards the Smash Burger at dawn.

"I'm glad you saw it our way, Mr. Mario."

"Now I can fire those teenagers and get my two golden boys back. Well, see you at work!" Mario then headed to the front door of the restaurant. Dark Pit screamed as he saw the restaurant completely destroyed. However, Mario didn't even seem to notice as he unlocked the front door.

"P-Pit-stain! W-W-What have you done?"

"I did exactly as you said, Pittoo. I dismantled the establishment! Now we'll get our jobs back for sure."

Mario walked inside the restaurant and into his office where he saw the place completely demolished. "Dark Pit! Pit!"

"Yes, Mr. Mario?" Both angels asked, Dark Pit nervously and Pit excitedly.

"Here it comes!"

"In order to pay off the damages, you two are gonna work for me forever!"

"Ya-hoo! The strike worked, Pittoo! We got out jobs back! Forever!" The word "forever" continued to echo through Dark Pit's mind once again. They were going to work at the Smash Burger forever.


	13. Can You Spare a Dime

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 13: Can You Spare a Dime?

* * *

 _Closing time at the Smash Burger._

"Mr. Mario, can we please go now?" Dark Pit asked.

"Perhaps, one of our more loyal workers can enlighten you on company policy."

"The Smash Burger Employee Manual; 2nd Revised Edition; Page 35; Section 19; Clause 3a, states: All staff must remain on the premises until the days receipts are fully accounted for." Pit said.

"But that's not fair!"

"Clause 3b: The provider reserves the right to be unfair."

"Teacher's pet." Dark Pit muttered.

"Let's see...5, 10, 25, blue, applesauce. Everything looks to be in order, except..." Mario gasped. "Where is it?"

"What?"

"My dime! My special dime! The first dime I ever made! I always keep it in the back of the register for luck!"

"Well. I've never seen it."

Mario looked at Dark Pit suspicously. "Hmmm, are you prepared to say that with your hand on top of a stack of interpretive dance quarterlies?"

"Of course I'm...what are you saying?"

"Me? I didn't say anything that would matter to anyone who would be able to take a lie detector test!"

"You're saying something!"

"Heavens to Betsy, no. It's just that my lucky dime's gone missing, and you've been working the register all day!"

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"Well, the way I see it there are three possibillities: One, you stole it. Two, you stole it. Or three, you stole it!"

"I didn't take your precious dime!" Dark Pit yelled angrily.

"Show me your hands."

"What?!"

"I wanna see them empty."

Dark Pit shoved his hands into Mario's face. "Here! Here! Here! See 'em?!"

"You-you can't do this to me! I'm your boss!"

"Well, not anymore, Mr. Mario. I quit!" Dark Pit angrily threw his hat on the ground.

Pit gasped. "No!" He jumped and grabbed the hat before it hit the ground.

"I'm out of here!"

"Pittoo, you're making a big mistake!"

"Mistake? Ha! The only mistake I ever made was wasting my life at the Smash Burger!"

"But a visit to the Smash Burger makes everyone happy. And what could be better than serving up smiles?"

"Being dead, or anything else!

"I never knew you felt so strongly about it."

"Where have you been?"

"Well, I guess I can't stop you, but Pittoo, it's a cold, cold world out there. No one's going to serve you happiness on a silver platter."

Just then, Rosalina walked by with a silver platter. "Free sample?"

"Cookies!"

"Can I have one?"

"Anyways, I just want you to know, if you ever get in trouble come find me. I'll take care of you. 'Cause you and me, we're like brothers, only closer." Pit lifted up his shirt to show that their hearts were beating in unison. Dark Pit screamed and then backed away.

"Pit-stain, I don't need your help. I am ready to unlock my potential. I could be anything I set my mind to. I could be a football player, or a king, or a spaceman."

"Or a football playing king in space...with a mustache."

"Yeah...uh-huh. Ya know, that reminds me, there's been something I've been wanting to say to you since the first day we met...Goodbye. Next time you see me, this town will be eating out of the palm of my hands!"

* * *

"Spare change? Spare change, ma'am?" Dark Pit was sitting in a box in the middle of the streets, asking people for change as they walked by.

"Pittoo? Pittoo, is that you?"

"Uh, I, uh..."

"It's me, Pit. We used to work together."

"Pit-stain?"

"There ya go. So, where you living these days?"

"Uh...no-where."

"That's great. And have you been doing with yourself? No wait, let me guess...Hmmm...I see you've been working on that mustache, the tattered clothes, the awful smell...you're a football player?"

"No."

"A spaceman."

"No."

"A football playing king in spa-"

"Don't you get it? I'm a loser!" Dark Pit started to sob. "I lost my job, my home, everything!"

"Even your paintings?"

"Nobody would take them. So I had to eat them."

"There, there. You can come live with me."

* * *

"Here you go, Pittoo. You can sleep in my bed."

"Ok, but just until I get a job. One day...two days tops."

"Nonsense. You can stay as long as you need to." Pit kissed Dark Pit forehead. "Goodnight, my little angel."

 _The next morning..._

"Breakfast is ready! You're gonna need to build up your strength again so I laid out a big buffet for you."

"And in bed, too? Aw, thanks Pit. Pit, I..."

"Ahh! Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Here comes the plane."

"It's really nice of you to help me in my time of need. I'll try not to be a burden."

"It's no trouble. Is there anything else I can do for you, Winner?" Pit asked with a wink.

"No, no, no. You've already...well..."

 _Later that night..._

"Oh, wow. Nurturing a broken spirit sure is a lot of work. I'm bushed. still, it feels nice to do good. Goodnight, Mew."

"Pit, can I get a glass of water?" Pit marched right up the stairs. "Thank you."

"Good night." Pit marched down the stairs.

"Pit, could I get some more blankets?" Pit marched up the stairs again.

"Here you go."

"Thank you." Pit marched downstairs again. "Pit-stain, you forgot to turn out the light!"

"Goodnight." Pit tumbled all the way down the stairs. "Mew! Pittoo is not a freeloader and he would never take advantage of me."

 **Three weeks later...**

"He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back."

 **Many months later...**

"I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough."

 **So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one...**

Pit dragged himself into the living room where Mew meowed again.

"I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!"

"Pit-stain, where's my lemonade?"

"Coming, Pittoo!"

"Pit-stain?! Pit-stain?! And why aren't you in uniform?" Pit stepped out of the room and then stepped back in wearing a maid outfit. "It's about time you got here!"

"Here you go, Your Majesty."

"I can't drink that."

"Why not?"

"Are you blind? Just look at it."

Pit looked at the glass of lemonade in his hand. "What about it?"

"That lemon has 3 seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered."

"Fine, I'll just take it out."

"No! No! It's already contaminated by a bad lemon! It won't work!"

"Hmmm, that's two things in this house that won't work."

"Then go fix them."

Pit got so angry that the glass in his hand shattered. "Two things that won't work!"

"I've changed my mind. I want soup instead."

"Ok. Don't move." Pit walked out for a moment, and then came back in with a bowl of soup. "Here you go. It's alphabet soup. I made it special."

Dark Pit looked and saw that the words "Get a Job" were spelled out in the soup. "Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Now you've ruined my appetite! Go fetch me something to read!"

"Oh, Ok. How about this?" Pit asked, shoving a newspaper in Dark Pit's face.

Dark Pit gasped. "Get that away from me! You know I'm allergic to newsprint!"

Pit chuckled. "Ya know, when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands, it reminded me of something a friend of mine did...AT HIS JOB!" Suddenly, the alarm clock went off, sending Pit flying.

"4 o'clock. Time for my stories. Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around."

Pit walked into the room with a TV and on the TV were two puppets.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"To my job."

"You have a job?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day."

"Say, where can I get one of these...jobs?"

"Oh, they're everywhere. Especially if you're dark and have black wings."

"Thanks. I'm gonna go look for one so I can stop mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!"

"This isn't my show. Pit-stain, the remote control's broken! Get over here and fix it!"

"I got a better idea. Why don't I get someone who's _job_ it is to fix it. You know why? Because when I want a _job_ done I get someone with a _job_ to do that _job_!"

Dark Pit was silent for a moment, and then glared at Pit. "What are you saying?"

That was the final straw. Pit ran out of his house, screaming as he headed to the Smash Burger were Mario was talking on the phone.

"Donate to the children's fund? Why? What have children ever done for me?"

Pit burst into Mario's office. "You want your dime back? Take it! Now Pittoo can come back right?"

Mario looked at the dime through a telescope. "Wrong. That's not my first dime."

"Then have some more dimes! I've got plenty of 'em!"

"You can't put a price on my first dime! And I can't forgive that thieving bilge rat Dark Pit, for stealing it!"

Finally having enough, Pit grabbed Mario by the throat. "Listen you mustached cheapskate! Pittoo's been living in my house driving me crazy! AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA HIRE HIM BACK ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID DIME?!" Suddenly, a prehistoric dime fell out of Mario's pants. "What's that?"

Mario gasped. "My first dime. Oh, dimey, I'll never loose you again."

"This is a dime?"

"I've been in business for a long time, boy."

"So, if Pittoo never stole the dime, he can come back to work right?"

"Aye, lad, just let the dime and me have some privacy."

Upon hearing that, Pit yelled in excitement.

* * *

"Well, Mr. Dark Pit, it's good to have ya back."

"Well, it's kind of good to be back, sir."

"It's all water under the bridge now."

"I agree, sir."

"After all I'm sure ya didn't mean to misplace my dime."

"What the...? What are you saying?"

"Well, it's obvious that ya put the dime in my pants. Dimes just don't fly into peoples' pants."

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"Well, the way I see it there are three possibillities: One, you put the dime in my pants. Two, you put the dime in my pants. And three, you put the dime in my pants."

Upon hearing that, Pit put his maid outfit back on.


	14. Krusty Love

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 14: Krusty Love

* * *

Mario was happilly stitching a cusion on money, when suddenly he sensed something. "What's that smell?" Mario headed over to the register. "The register! $49.0...8?! That's a penny short!" Mario then started to sob.

"Oh, no, not a penny. Help, somebody help us." Dark Pit muttered sarcastically as he walked by.

Pit then walked up to Mario. "It's just a penny, sir. It dosen't matter."

"Dosen't matter? It's money that makes the world go round. It's money that keeps you in shape. It's money that keeps Dark Pit in frilly soap."

Dark Pit sniffed his armpit and sighed. "Lilac."

"It's money that paid for all of thoses renovations we did! Oh, nothing in the whole wide world could matter more. Not even that...beautiful little cutie."

"I see her, Mr. Mario. A Smash Burger with cheese. The classic."

"Not the sandwich, boy! The beautiful little cutie holding the sandwich!" Pit payed closer attention to the person who was holding the sandwich.

"Hey, that's my driving teacher, Lady Palutena!"

"Lady Palutena? Is she married?"

"Oh, no, Mr. Mario. She's single."

"Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a lass like that on my hands."

"Hey, I know! Why don't I take you over and introduce you?"

"Oh, no, no, no, I...I'm too old for love. Besides, I'm not properly dressed."

"Oh, come on, Mr. Mario! You look great!" Pit insisted, even though Mario's clothes were all dirty. "You wait here while I go break the ice!"

"Pit, no, wait! I'm too nervous!"

"Hi, Lady Palutena."

Palutena suddenly screamed. "Hit the breaks, Pit! Watch that tree! Left! Left!"

"Wait, Lady Palutena! We're not driving."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Pit. I didn't expect to see you here."

"I work here, Lady Palutena. Wanna meet my boss?"

"Well, I'm not..."

"Don't move!" Palutena tried to leave, but Pit came back too soon.

"Lady Palutena, I'd like to introduce you to Mr.-" Mario suddenly fell to the floor, and Pit picked him back up. "Lady Palutena, I'd like to introduce you to my boss, Mr. Mario."

"Um...hello."

"Psst, Mr. Mario, say hello." Mario suddenly made a weird noise. "No, no, Mr. Mario, just say hello." Mario then made a noise that sounded like choking and gasping.

"Hmm, perhaps another time would be..."

"No!" Mario shouted.

"Wait, he's trying to tell you something!"

"What is it, Mr. Mario?" Mario just continued speaking jibberish. "I don't understand."

"Oh, uh, I think Mr. Mario is saying that he'd like to...hit you with a rake!"

"Goodness!"

Pit tried to guess what Mario was trying to say. "Try to guess your weight!"

"Well!" Palutena said, feeling somewhat offended.

"No, wait! He wants to take you...on a date!" Mario gasped happily and fell over.

"Is that true, Mr. Mario? Do you want to take me on a date?"

Mario sighed. "What do you say?"

"What do I say?" Palutena laughed. "I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Mario."

Mario chuckled. "I still got it."

* * *

"Are you ready for your date, Mr. Mario?" Pit asked as they were at Mario's house.

"I'm always ready when it comes to dating, lad!"

"Breath spray?"

"Check"!

"Lucky hankie?"

"Check!"

"Giant rusty anchor?"

"Ye...anchor? Anchor! I can't find my giant rusty anchor!"

Pit laughed. "Relax, Mr. Mario. Just a little joke. Good luck with you know who." Pit made a symbol in the air with his hands.

"Who's that?"

"Lady Palutena."

"Oh, yeah. Well, wish me luck, lad!"

* * *

"Oh, Mr. Mario, this dinner has been so wonderful. The pasta was cooked to perfection. I don't think I could eat another bite."

"Oh, I doubt that."

Palutena laughed. "You're spoiling me, Mr. Mario. I mean, foot rubs between courses, caricatures, imported music."

"Nothing's too good for you, Lady Palutena."

"Uh, what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Mario, is..."

"Sir? Your fancy pantsy limousine is here." The waiter Marth told Mario.

"Wonderful! Lady Palutena, your chariot awaits!" Palutena screamed as two men took her away. "You'll never have to walk again!" Mario sighed as Marth walked over to him.

"Your bill, sir."

"What? $100?! Well, this can't possibly be correct!"

"Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out." Marth handed Mario a different bill. "This is your bill." Upon seeing the bill, Mario screamed so loud that the windows completely shattered.

* * *

"I don't understand, Mr. Mario." Pit said as he watched Mario sob on the floor. "How could you possibly spend $100,000 in one night?"

"Oh, Pit! I couldn't help but spend every cent I had on her! I couldn't control myself!"

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, boy! I've got another date tommorrow! I'm caught in the middle of my two great loves! Sweet Lady Palutena, and the rest of my money!"

"I wish there was some way I coud help."

"Perhaps there is, boy!" Mario gave Pit his wallet. "I'm putting you in charge of my money!"

"I don't get it, Mr. Mario."

"You come with me on the date and don't let me spend any money!"

* * *

"Now remember, we keep it cheap by going to the park. And no matter how much I ask you, you don't give me any of my money. Now, give me a dollar."

"Nope."

"Good boy! You'll do fine!" Mario knocked on the door to Palutena's house.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, my sweet love!"

"Just a minute!"

"Flowers! Flowers, boy! Go get flowers!"

"But you said..."

"Pit, you can't call on a classy lady like Palutena empty-handed! We're not talking about this...or this...we're talking about this!"

"Almost ready!"

"Hurry, boy! Get the flowers!" Pit left to get the flowers just as Palutena stepped out.

"Lady Palutena, you're as beautiful as ever."

Palutena chuckled. "That's funny, I thought I heard Pit's voice."

"Uh...you did. He'll be right back. He's our personal assistant for the day."

"Oh, e-excuse me. I have to call my insurance agent."

"Of course, my beautiful." Palutena walked back inside just as Pit came back with the flowers.

"Mr. Mario, I got the flowers you wanted me to buy."

"What's that?"

"I got the flowers. For Lady Palutena."

"We had an agreement, boy! You're not supposed to spend any of my money!"

"But you said..."

"Here I come!" Palutena came back outside, and once again Mario became hypnotized by his love.

"For you, Lady Palutena!"

"Oh, flowers! Oh, how thoughtful!"

"And here's a box of chocolates!" Mario then held out an empty hand. "Pit, where's the chocolates?"

"Mr. Mario, the budget doesn't allow for..."

"Pit, you can't go to Lady Palutena's house without chocolates! Hurry! Hurry!" Pit left and came back a second later with a box of chocolates.

"I bought the biggest box they had!"

"Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend! Is that all you can think about?!"

"Oh, Mario!"

"Here's those chocolates I bought for you. What are we doing today, Lady Palutena? Dinner? Dancing? A trip to the moon?"

"Psst, Mr. Mario, we're just going to the park, remember?"

"Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect. It's a beautiful day. I'll just need to get a sun hat and..."

"Lady Palutena needs a sun hat, Pit!"

"Well, I think she..."

"The sun's beating down on poor Lady Palutena's head!"

"As your financial advisor, I suggest that..."

"There's no time for suggestions! Go buy the hat!"

"But..."

"Today! Don't worry, Lady Palutena! I'll save you!" Mario then put a bucket on Palutena's head. "Pit, hurry!"

"One shady hat."

"Good job, lad." Mario then put the hat on Palutena.

"Oh, well thank you. But you didn't need to buy one. I have a hat in the closet."

"Didn't need to buy one?" Mario turned to Pit. "You hear that, boy? We didn't need to buy a hat. Aren't you supposed to be saving my money?!"

"I'm trying, Mr. Mario! But you keep telling me to buy more things for Lady Palutena! It's all really confusing."

"Pit, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'm not thinking clearly. I'm making a plumber's promise, boy. From this moment on, I won't ask you to buy anything for Lady Palutena!"

 **A few moments later...**

"Pit! Lady Palutena needs a new fur coat!" Pit went and got a coat, but Mario became angry. "You're spending all my money!" Mario then was happy again. "Palutena needs a new pair of shoes. You're breaking me, boy! She needs fine jewerly! Not that fine!" Pit continued to buy completely expensive things as Mario yelled his name over and over again. After a while, he became completely exhausted. "Pit! I'm glad I caught you. I want you to buy Lady Palutena..."

"Wait! Don't tell me. You want me to run back to the store to buy Lady Palutena something she doesn't need! Then you want me to run back over here just do you can say 'Arrgh, Pit! You're spending all my money!' And then I'll say, 'But, Mr. Mario, I'm only doing what you said!' And then you'll say 'We're not talking about this, or this, we're talking about this!'"

"But lad, this time's different! Lady Palutena needs this!"

"Are we going to the park soon?"

"Please lad, I'm begging you! I'm a lonely old plumber who's found love! Don't let me lose her!" Mario then started to sob.

"Mr. Mario, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Mario! Come on. Ok, I...I'm going to get it, see?" Pit then walked away and came back a second later with a washing machine. "Cheer up, Mr. Mario! Here's that washing machine you wanted!"

"Cheer up? How can I cheer up...when you're spending all my hard-earned cash!"

"See?! You just did it again!"

"Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money. Do you think Lady Palutena will need a dryer with that?"

Pit stared at Mario blankly. "Well, Mr. Mario. Do you wanna know what I think?" Pit then proceeded to yell unintelligible gibberish at Mario. While he was ranting, Palutena looked up the words Pit was saying in a dictionary, and the gasped and blushed a bright red. Once Pit was finally done, he walked away still muttering to himself. Palutena then walked over to Mario, who stood there mouth completely wide.

"I didn't know Pit had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say too, Mr. Mario." Palutena then proceeded to take off all of the items Mario bought for her. "I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. I'd rather go Dutch, if you don't mind."

"Uh, OK."

"You're a very sweet man, Mr. Mario." Palutena then kissed him, causing him to gasp in awe.


	15. The Bully

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 15: The Bully

* * *

It was a slow day at Lady Palutena's Driving School. Everyone sat at their desks completely bored exept for Pit, who was too busy arranging the pencils on his desk.

"Excuse me, miss?"

"I don't want to have to report you again." Lucina sighed.

Pit laughed. "I was just wondering, is it the homework pencil on the left side of the paper next to the quiz pencil, or over on the right all by itself? Or..."

"I think it goes stuck inside your-"

"Wait, I got it! The quiz pencil goes right over here next to the essay pencil and the essay pencil gets turned sideways toward the notepad just in case I have to write an essay."

Palutena then walked into the room. "Good morning, class. Sorry I'm late. I got caught in traffic on the way in here when that whole 'I'm-going-to-be-doing-this-for-the-rest-of-my-life' thing reared its ugly head and I..." The class just stared at her blankly. "Anyway, we have a new student starting today, so let's all put on a happy face for Bowser Jr." The class started clapping with masks on their faces. "Tell the class something about yourself, Junior."

"Well, I like to kick people's butts."

Palutena laughed. "What a card! Now Junior, it's time to pick your seat. Just go ahead and sit anywhere you'd like." The entire class moved away from the middle of the room except for Pit, where there was an empty desk next to him. Bowser Jr. took his seat right next to Pit and then Palutena started talking. "Okay class, as you remember last week..."

"Hi, I'm Pit!" Pit whispered to Bowser Jr.

"Hi, Pit. I'm gonna kick your butt."

Pit gasped and then laughed. "That joke was almost funnier the second time."

"No. I mean it."

"That time it almost seemed like..." Bowser Jr. glared at Pit and held up a sign that said 'I mean it'. "...you did mean it. Um, Lady Palutena?"

"Yes, Pit?"

"Can I be excused for the rest of my life?"

Palutena chuckled. "Why no, Pit. I'm in the middle of a coffee-fueled sermon right now. You can't afford to miss this information."

"Yes, Lady Palutena." Pit lowered his hand. "Sorry, Lady Palutena."

"Now, can I please have a volunteer to come up to the board? How about you, Junior? Please draw for us a diagram of a basic four-way intersection, Junior." Bowser Jr. started to draw something on the blackboard. "Please turn and show the class what you drew, honey." He turned around to show that he drew pictures of Pit being beat up. Pit yelped in horror. "My, how very creative! We have an artist in the class." Everyone applauded except for Pit, who just hid under his desk.

* * *

Pit sat in a trash can in the back of the school. "I don't get it. Why does Junior want to kick my butt? I haven't said two words to that guy!" Pit then remembered the first thing he said to him. "Oh no, that's three! What am I going to do?" Pit then heard the sound of footsteps. "What was that? Someone's coming. They're getting closer. I've just gotta act natural." Pit pretended to play dead in the trash can as Shulk opened it.

"Oh that's real nice." Shulk muttered as he walked away.

"Phew, I thought for sure that was gonna be...Junior!" Pit chuckled nervously. "Uh, hello, sir. Kick any good butts lately? Yeah, I remember last week, I was kicking this guy's butt real good. And he leans over and says, 'Hey, you know, life's like a bucket of wood shavings. Except for when the shavings are in a pail, then it's like a pail of wood shavings!"

"Hey, that story really speaks to me."

"Really? What's it say?"

"It says now, I'm gonna kick your butt twice as hard." Pit lowered the lid of the trash can on his head.

* * *

Pit walked anxiously down the hallway. "...and I leave Mew's water bowl to Mew, and my curtains to... oh Zeus, I just can't do this." Suddenly, the phone in the hallway rang. "Death row, next in line speaking."

"Hi, I'd like to place an order for delivery."

"Kirby? Is that you?"

"Yeah, hey Luigi. Let me get a large double olive, double-"

"Kirby, listen! It's me, Pit! I need your help!"

"Your working at Pizza Castle now?"

"What? No, listen! I'm in big trouble. There's a new guy at school here and he wants to kick my butt! Listen, you're big and strong, do you think you could come down here and maybe rough him a bit? Just to get him off my back? Please, Kirby, I'm so scared, it feels like I'm gonna throw up."

"No, they're not closed. I know, you want olives."

"Kirby, you there?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Pit. I was just talking to my old community college buddy, Junior." Pit's eyes widened upon hearing that name. "I bumped into him at the soda store, isn't that funny? It must have been years since we've seen each other. Well, let me get going. He's got to go back to school soon. He says he's got to kick somebody's butt." Pit dropped the phone and ran down the hallways screaming. "Hello? Is this Pizza Castle?"

Pit continued running until he ran right into Palutena's door. "Come in, Pit."

The door opened and Pit collapsed to the floor. "Lady Palutena, can I be in a different class?"

"But why?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why ever not?"

"I just can't, Lady Palutena. My physical being is at stake, let's just leave it at that."

"Pit, you can tell me anything. You've got to believe that."

"Well, okay. But only if you promise to keep it between us."

"Of course."

"Junior says he's going to kick my butt!"

"What? There shall be no butt-kicking in any classroom of mine! This is an adult program. Pit, just leave it to me."

"Aw, thanks Lady Palutena. I knew I could count on you."

* * *

Some time later, Pit walked back inside the school as the bell rang.

"Have a nice lunch, Pit?"

"Yes, Lady Palutena."

"Psst. Pit, I talked to Junior for you. I used your name. It was all a big misunderstanding."

"You what?!"

Palutena just smiled. "He was never gonna kick your butt at all. You see Pit, Junior is from a town where kicking someone's butt means he just wants to be your friend. And maybe play some sports with you on weekends."

"I've got diarrhea!" Pit ran until he bumped right into a car where Bowser was sitting in. "Huh? Are you Junior's dad?"

"Why, yes I am."

"Okay see, I don't know where else to turn! Kirby couldn't help me, and Lady Palutena only made it worse. I sit next to your son Junior in school and he is a fine boy and all, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way but, he wants to kick my butt."

"Dad, what're you doing?"

"Uhh, nothing son."

"What did I tell you about talking to strangers?"

"Now he's gonna kick my butt!"

Pit ran through town screaming. "Out of my way! Out of my way! Can't you see he's gonna kick my butt?!" Everyone turned around to see that Pit was pointing to Tortimer.

"Hi there, young people. Nice day today."

"So, you like kicking butts, do ya?" Falco asked. "Well, we'll show you old man!" Everyone started to beat up Tortimer as Pit hid in a trash can in an alleyway.

"Okay, okay, I got to skip town, start a new life, live under an assumed name! "Tip". Yeah, that's good. Grow a beard, and then shave it off, and live happily ever after."

"Yeah, except you forgot the part where I kick your butt!" Pit looked and saw that Bowser Jr. was right next to him in his Clown Car. Pit gasped three times and then ran as he chased after him. Suddenly, a banana peel fell out of the trash can and Bowser Jr. ran right over it, causing him to crash.

* * *

"Hey Junior, you feeling better?"

"What? Where am I?"

"Why you're in the hospital." Dr. Mario said. "This young boy saved your life. He performed CPR for five hours straight."

"Yeah. They said you'd be okay after the first few minutes, but I just wanted to be sure."

"Wow, I'm touched. I'll have to remember that when I'm kicking your butt." Pit's eyes widened in shock. "Hey, are those flowers for me?"

"HE'S STILL GONNA KICK MY BUTT!" Pit screamed as he ran out of the hospital.

"How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man!?"

"I love the young people." Tortimer replied as everyone started walking up to him.

* * *

Pit kept running until he reached his house, where he ran inside and locked the door. "Oh Mew, I'm too young to have my butt kicked! There's so many things in life I haven't gotten to do!" Suddenly, there was knock on the door. "Who is it?" The door blew down and Bowser Jr. appeared on the other side. "Junior!"

"It's butt-kicking time!"

"Mew, there's something I want you to know, but I'm too scared to remember what it is."

"Let's do it!"

"Go away, Mew. I don't want you to see this. It'll be ugly." Mew then left the room and came back with a camera.

"Are you ready?"

"Hold on." Pit put on a blindfold. "Okay, I'm ready." Junior then punched Pit, but nothing happened. "I said I'm ready." He punched him again, but nothing happened again. "Didn't you hear me? I said I'm ready." Junior was at a loss as to why his punches weren't effecting Pit. "Mew, he's hitting me, but I don't feel anything! Do you know what this means? I get to go to work tomorrow!"

* * *

Junior continued punching Pit as he went on with his day at work and school. The next morning, Junior became too tired from trying to punch Pit too much, and then collapsed to the ground.

"Junior, are you okay?" Everyone in the classroom cheered. "Do not cheer me, my fellow adult classmates. Junior was the real victim here. A victim of a society that's riding down a violent road to nowhere; a road I call...'violence road'." Pit said as he raised his fist.

Right at that moment, Palutena walked into the room. "Sorry I'm late, class, I..." She gasped as she saw Pit with his fist raised and Junior on the floor. "Pit! I can't believe you would beat up a new student! I'm going to kick your butt!"


	16. Dying For Pie

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 16: Dying For Pie

* * *

Dark Pit was dressed up in island clothes and was happily playing the piano on an island. That is, until he suddenly hit a sour note. He kept pressing the note and it slowly turned into the sound of Pit ringing a bell.

"Order up, Pittoo!" Dark Pit woke up from his dream as his alarm clock went off.

* * *

Dark Pit drove over to the Smash Burger looking rather bleary. He walked through the front windows while Pit followed him from inside smiling.

"Hey, hey Pittoo, did you see me?" Dark Pit ignored him and walked inside. "Okay, see you later, Pitinator."

"Good morning, Mr. Dark Pit." Mario raised his eyebrow as Dark Pit stuck his tongue out. "So, are you ready?"

"To go home?"

"No, to exchange gifts for Employee Brotherhood Day."

"Mr. Mario, you pay me to stand behind this register and take orders and give change. But you could never pay me enough to act brotherly towards...that guy." Dark Pit pointed to Pit, who was washing a table with a buffer.

"That attitude of yours is why we're having this little shenanigan. Now pay attention, the lad's got a surprise for you."

"Pittoo, in honor of employee brotherhood, I present to you a gift." Pit presented Dark Pit with a sweater with his face on it. "Ta-dah."

"I heart you..."

"Try it on, Mr. Dark Pit! It's got you written all over it." Mario laughed.

"I wasn't sure how big to make the hole for the head, so I used a watermelon for size. Do you love it?"

"It's a little itchy. What's this thing made out of?"

"Eyelashes!" Dark Pit threw the sweater at Pit, and then he started to whimper.

"Now may I resume to my minimum-wage duties?"

"After you present your brotherhood gift."

"I'll buy the little twerp a gum ball."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, lad. You know the rules; you have to make the gift."

"The only I'm making is for the exit." Dark Pit headed for the front door, but was stopped by Pit, who was holding a sweater made out of a clear liquid.

"Is this better, Pittoo? I made this one with my tears." Dark Pit sighed and headed towards the kitchen.

"I knew you's come around, boy. Make something nice."

"Why can't I just buy something for the little weirdo?"

"Heave-ho!" Dark Pit then saw a bunch of pirates carrying a large bag of what looked to be pies. "If you drop one slice of me booty, I'll have...your booty!"

"Hi, there. Those homemade pies sure look good."

"Oh, these aren't homemade. They were made in a factory...a bomb factory. They're bombs."

"Oh, well, that's too bad. I thought they were pies and I wanted to buy one."

"Wait!" The pirate captain jumped down from the ship. "We were just kidding about all that bomb stuff. That'll be 25 bucks, please."

"So, what flavor is it?"

"Cherry. Apple. Raspberry." The pirates said all at once.

"Well, it it'll get old man Mr. Mario off my back." Dark Pit then went back inside and placed the pie on Mario's desk. "Okay, here it is, Mr. Mario, fresh from the oven. I'll be returning to my life now."

"Not yet. I got to make sure you did it right." Mario was about to eat a piece of the pie, but then stopped. "Wait a second...this would go great with some milk!" While heading to the milk, Mario tripped on a book, and the piece of pie fell to the floor, causing an explosion, sending him and Dark Pit outside the restaurant. "So, you tried to kill me over a new aged management, eh?"

"But, Mr. Mario, I had no idea. I can explain!"

Pit then walked into Mario's office. "Mario, are you okay? I heard a...wow! A pie! It's from Pittoo. 'To Pit-stain...Well, here you go'."

"And that's what happened."

"25 dollars? A bomb?"

"In the Smash Burger?!" Dark Pit and Mario ran back inside, only to find that the pie was gone.

"That's where you left it."

"It's not there."

"Hey guys." Pit licked his fingers and rubbed his belly. "Thanks for the pie, Pittoo." He then walked out of the room, singing a little tune to himself.

"You had to kill him. The boy cries you a sweater of tears and you kill him. How are you gonna live with yourself?"

"Kill him?" Dark Pit then had a vision of Pit exploding into a million pieces. "No, no! What we got...we got to call the hospital!"

"Won't do any good. I've seen this before. When that pie goes up to bat, I mean, hits his lower intestine...boom!"

"You've seen this before?!"

"Eleven times as a matter of fact."

Dark Pit dialed a number on the phone. "Yes, hello, doctor? Hospital? It won't do any good? Eleven times? Oh, he's a goner. How do we tell him?"

"Don't tell him. That'll only make him feel worse. The way I see it, he's only got till sunset. Why ruin his last day on earth? The lad deserves to enjoy his final hours."

Dark Pit started to tear up. "You're right, Mr. Mario! I'm gonna make Pit-stain's final hours the best he's ever had. And this time there's going to be love...so much, he's going to drown it it." Dark Pit walked outside the door and smiled. "Drown in it!"

"Note to self: Watch out for Dark Pit."

* * *

Dark Pit walked over to Pit, who was busy cleaning a table. "Uh, Pit-stain?"

"Yes?" Pit asked in a sing-songy tone.

"I forgot to tell you, there's a part two to your gift."

"Part two? Part two, part two, part two, part two..." Pit started jumping up and down until Dark Pit stopped him.

"Please don't do that."

"What's the part two?"

"Well, what's the most fun thing you can think of?"

"Actually, I keep a list of the fun things I like to do. I call it my friendship list."

"Great. Uh, let me see it."

"The things that are extra fun, I've written in red."

"Everything's in red."

"Yeah, I know."

"We'd better start now if we want to get through the list before you die...of anticipation."

"Then let's roll! Bye, Mr. Mario." Mario started sobbing and put up a 'Help Wanted' sign. "Heads up, Pittoo-looks like they're gonna replace you."

"Uh, yeah. Let's take a look at that list."

"Well, the first thing I want to do is show my best friend Pittoo to everybody in town."

(Line Break)

"Hi, there, this my best friend, Pittoo." Pit said to Falco.

"Hey, kids, check it out! This is my best friend, Pittoo." Pit said to a group of kids as Villager threw a rock at Dark Pit's head.

"Hi, I want to show you my best friend, Pittoo."

"Hey, Cloud."

* * *

"Glad that's over."

"Good, cause we're onto our next activity."

"Which is..."

"I'm going to show my best friend Pittoo to everybody in town wearing a chicken suit."

"You're going to be wearing a chicken suit?"

Pit laughed. "That's a good one, Pittoo." Pit then showed Dark Pit to the kids again with him in a chicken suit, and this time all of them threw rocks at him. "Next. Knock-knock jokes! Hey Pittoo, knock-knock."

"Who's there?"

"I am!" Pit laughed.

"Oh, yeah..." Dark Pit laughed nervously.

Pit and Dark Pit were walking backwards as Pit imitated the beeping of a back up alarm. "Look out, everyone, friends in reverse!"

Dark Pit was now walking with Pit in front of his face. "Turn left, and...stop. See, that's what it would be like if you had me for a face."

"I can't breath." Pit checked off another thing on the list and was now performing open heart surgery on Dark Pit. "Are you sure you should be poking it like that?"

"Who's the doctor here?" Suddenly, Dark Pit's heart started quirting out blood. Pit continued to check off more items from the list until he got to the last item. "The last thing on the list is..."

"Does it involve more dismemberment?"

"Watch the sunset with Pittoo."

"Sunset?" Dark Pit thought about what Mario had said earlier.

"The way I see it, the lad's got until sunset before that bomb hits his lower intestine."

"Hey, it's Mr. Mario! Hi, Mr Mario." Mario started sobbing and walked out of the thought bubble. "Okay, see you later."

"C'mon buddy, you want a sunset, you'll get a sunset."

* * *

"Ah, sunsets sure are beautiful. Eh, Pittoo?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, this is great, just the three of us. You, me, and this brick wall that you built between us."

"Yeah." Dark Pit chuckled nervously.

"Sunsets always remind me of bowls of fruit. What do they make you think of, Pittoo?"

Dark Pit had another vision of Pit exploding. "Explosions...I mean, erosion."

"You know, if I were to die right now in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well, that would just be okay." Dark Pit started to tear up, when suddenly Pit burped. "Wow, it feels like something just dropped into my lower intestine. Hey, smells like cherry. Or maybe grape. Blueberry? Here it is, the sunset! I always love to count it down. Five...You do the rest buddy."

"Four...three...two...one..." Dark Pit braced himself for an explosion, but nothing happened.

"I guess we started too early. Let's start again."

"Five...four...three..." An explosion came from the other side of the wall. "two...o-o-o-one..." Dark Pit started to sob. "Well, at least I was able to make his last few hours meaningful. I am such a good person." Another explosion came from behind the wall, and this time it fell right on top of Dark Pit as Pit was blowing bomb shaped bubbles.

"Hey, Pittoo, check this out!" Dark Pit got up and started muttering. "Pittoo, we already played babble like an idiot."

"Why are you still here?"

"Well, since we finished everything on the list, I thought I'd make up a new one. I already filled up this book of ideas. We should be able to finish by January."

"Forget the book!" Dark Pit yelled, slapping the book out of Pit hand. "I spent the whole day with you, doing all kinds of ridiculous things, because you were supposed to explode!"

"You want me to explode?"

"Yes! That's what I've been waiting for!"

"Um, okay, I'll try." Pit grunted, and then yelled. "MEW! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!" Pit laughed. "Now it's your turn."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU IDIOT!" Dark Pit yelled.

"Oh, good one."

"No! You were supposed to explode into a million pieces!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because the pie you ate was a bomb!"

"What pie?"

"The one that I left sitting on the counter this morning that I bought from pirates for 25 bucks and I didn't know it was a bomb, and you ate it...th... _that pie!_ "

"Pie...pie...Oh, you mean _this_ pie!" Pit took out the pie from earlier. "I was saving it in my pocket for us to share. Let's eat!" Pit then tripped on a rock, as the pie flew into Dark Pit's face, causing an explosion the size of an atomic bomb, blowing up all of Smashville.

"Ouch."


	17. Employee of the Month

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 17: Employee of the Month

* * *

"Hey Pittoo. Hey Pittoo. Hey Pittoo. Hey Pittoo. Hey Pittoo."

"Alright, I'll bite. What is it, Pit-stain?"

"Do you know what today is?"

"Annoy Pittoo Day?"

Pit laughed. "No, silly! That's on the 15th! Today is the beginning of the judging for Employee of the Month."

"Pit-stain, don't you know that award's a scam?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mr. Mario gives you that award so you'll work harder for no extra money."

"That is not true, Pittoo. He gives it to me because I work harder. You could win it too, if you worked harder."

"Oh, for what? To get my face on the Wall of Shame?"

"Pittoo, you've got it all wrong. Having pride in your work is nothing to be ashamed of, why it's the only thing that makes it worthwhile."

"Thattaboy, Pit! This is going to be a tough one though! There's no clear cut winner! Watch out, Pit. Dark Pit appears to be on the verge of a breakout." Mario whispered. "There might be a new face on the wall this month."

"Huh?" Pit looked over at an empty picture frame for the current month.

"That's right, Pit-stain. I might sneak up on you." Dark Pit and Mario laughed as Pit walked over to the wall of pictures and imagined Dark Pit laughing at him in the picture.

"No! How could I have let the quality of my work slip so much!" Pit cried as the picture continued to laugh.

* * *

Pit was busy flipping burger on the grill, but then came across a burger that wouldn't flip. He tried as hard as he could, but it eventually landed on the ceiling. Pit then went up and tried to get it down.

"Need some help?" Dark Pit asked as Pit screamed. "What are you doing?"

"Making...Smash Burgers?"

"You're losing it! Don't you know that award is a load of..." Pit managed to get the burger off the ceiling, but it flew right into a fan, causing Dark Pit to get covered in meat. "...garbage."

"Please don't tell Mr. Mario about this! I'll hurt my chances of winning the award!"

"I already told you, that award is a bunch of..." Dark Pit got sprayed with meat again. "...baloney!"

"That is not true, Pittoo. Like this hat, that award is a symbol of..."

"It's a symbol that you're a chump!" Dark Pit grabbed Pit's hat off his head.

"No, Pittoo!"

"And this is a symbol of what I think of the 'Employee of the Month' award!" Dark Pit lifted his foot to stomp on the hat, but then hit something under the had and screamed in pain.

"An experienced employee of the month always keeps a brick of lead in his hat."

"I'm telling you for the last time, that award is nothing but a joke!" Dark Pit then walked away but was sprayed with meat one last time.

* * *

Pit was now looking at his award photos. "What if Pittoo's right? What if the award is a phony? Does this mean my whole body of work is meaningless?"

"Stop that kind of talk, soldier!" Pit looked up and saw that all of the pictures now had army hats on. "This is war now, private! That's exactly what he wants you to think! This is no time to go lily-livered on us!"

"But, sir..."

"There's no room for 'buts' in war, soldier! He wants you to crack! He's trying to trick you, get inside your mind! You will stop at nothing, and I mean nothing to defeat him! Have I made myself clear, private?"

"Crystal, sir!"

"Good! Now move out!"

* * *

Pit looked through his window just as Dark Pit was getting ready for bed. "I won't let Pittoo win! He can't go to work if he dosen't wake up. Target sighted."

Pit sneaked up to Dark Pit's house and slowly entered through a window, but then fell to the ground. Dark Pit heard the noise from outside as he was brushing his teeth. He went to see what it was and Pit hid beind a plant by the door. Dark Pit then closed the door and Pit sneaked up to his bed where the alarm clock was. He was about to grab it when he heard the doorknob jiggle, so he went and hid into a pillow. Dark Pit then came in and got into bed. Just as he layed his head down, Pit's hand reached out for the alarm clock. Dark Pit saw this, and freaked out.

"Pit-stain? What are you doing here?"

"You can't win that award if you don't get up for work!" Pit grabbed the alarm clock and destroyed it. However, Dark Pit had another one and was setting it. Pit went and grabbed that clock and destroyed it as well, but Dark Pit then opened up a closet full of alarm clocks. Pit then started to destroy the alarm clocks one by one.

"Stop it, Pit-stain! If I really wanted that award, I could win it with my arms tied!"

"That can be arranged."

"You're a lunatic, Pit-stain!"

"Maybe so, but I did win 'Employee of the Month' 26 months in a row."

"Are you trying to say that you are better than me?!"

"I've been better than you 26 months and it'll be 27 tomorrow."

"Oh, that's it, Pit-for-brains! That's it! I'm going to show you how easy it is to win that award. I'm going to be the new Employee of the Month! I will prove to you that I am far more competent than you!"

"Well, I'm going in early to wax the floors!"

"Don't bother; I'll have done it already by the time you get there!"

"Well, you'll have to get up pretty early to get there before me!"

"I don't need to sleep! Loser!"

"Well, me neither! ...26-time-loser!" Pit and Dark Pit then watched each other through their windows. "Look at him. Watchin' me."

"I'm watching you, Pit-stain. You're not leaving before me."

"Hey Pittoo, getting sleepy huh?"

"No, how about you?"

"Nope!" Dark Pit then took out his clarinet and played a lullaby. Pit tried his hardest to keep himself awake. "Nighty Night." Pit then fell asleep while Dark Pit sneaked out of his house, but then fell into a deep hole right in front of his door.

"Pit-stain!"

"Hey Pittoo! Going somewhere?"

"I'm going to wring you dry when I get out of here! Now get me out of here!"

"All right, Pittoo, I'll stop by after work!"

"Pit-stain! Pit-stain!" Dark Pit screamed as Pit went back to bed.

"Now to get some rest. Don't want to look tired for my Employee of the Month photo!" Pit then fell asleep as Dark Pit got out of the hole and nailed boards onto his door. "Pittoo!"

"That oughta hold him!" Pit sawed around the door and pushed it on Dark Pit and ran away, only for a cage to enclose on him. Dark Pit laughed, but then walked into a bottle and was trapped. "Pit-stain! Why you little...!" Pit then wrote 'loser' on the bottle with his finger and ran away. He then saw a burger lying on the ground.

"Hmmm, a Smash Burger!" The top bun opened up and a claw came out and grabbed Pit's nose. "Ow! Pittoo!"

"So long, Angel loser!" The two continued to set up various traps to stop each other from getting to the restauraunt first.

* * *

Later, Pit was dragging an anchor and Dark Pit was dragging a flaming boat. "Pit-stain? Truce?"

"Truce."

"Pit-stain, I can't take it anymore. If we keep this up, neither of us will win the award!"

"You're right. We should save our energy for work where we really need it."

"Ok, let's have a good clean fight."

"And my the better man win." The two then shook each other's hands, but what they were thinking was different. _'He's nothing but a lying, boneless, dark-winged phony!'_

 _'Look at that stupid, corn-fed smile. You can't trust him as far as you can throw him.'_

 _'As soon as he stops shaking my hand...'_

 _'...I'm gonna make a run for it.'_

The two then stopped shaking hands, laughed nervously, and then hastily ran for the Smash Burger where Mario was opening up.

"Money, money, gonna make some money!" Mario then saw Pit and Dark Pit running. "Ah, it warms my wallet to see my employees coming in so early. Boys, you're early!" Mario then realized that the two angels weren't stopping. "Wait!" They both pushed him out of the way and started doing nice stuff.

"Look, Mr. Mario! Clean floors!"

"Clean tables, Mr. Mario!" Dark Pit pressed too hard on the table he was cleaning and broke it in half.

"Clean dishes, Mr. Mario!"

"What's going on here?!"

Pit then dropped the dishes on the floor and mopped them. "It's much more efficient to clean dishes this way, Mr. Mario!"

"No!"

"Flowers and chocolate for you, Mr. Mario!"

"Look, I'm putting my own money in the register, Mr. Mario!" Pit put his money in the register and went into the kitchen. "Two spatulas to increase productivity, Mr. Mario! Faster, Pit, faster!"

"There's nothing to this burger flipping, Mr. Mario! I'll easily double your output, Pit-Hog!"

"Boys, boys, boys!" The two angels then made many burgers which started to overflow the kitchen. "Help! Help!" There were so many burgers filling up the restaurant that it eventually exploded. Many customers gathered as the burgers started to fall.

"Hey, free Smash Burgers!" Sonic said.

"Wait, you've got to pay for those! Wait, wait, wait! Boys, the burgers! Boys, wait!" Pit and Dark Pit then came through the picture frame that Mario was in, asking him who was the winner while he was arguing about the burgers.


	18. Mario Borg

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 18: Mario Borg

* * *

"We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of _Night of the Robot_."

Pit was sitting in front of the TV, watching a movie where a man was being chased by a giant robot.

"Hurry, Mew, the scary robot movie's on."

"Meow."

"What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out."

Later, Pit was in his bed shivering. "What if Mom is a robot? What if Mew is a robot? Mew? Psst, Mew?" Pit poked Mew in the nose, causing him to wake up.

"Meow."

"Mew, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?"

"Meow."

"Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep." Pit then went to sleep and had a dream about him being chased by the robot from the movie.

* * *

The next day, Pit was at the Smash Burger panting. "Robot! Oh my gosh!" The robot turned out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket. "Huh?" He chuckled nervously.

Mario was sitting in his office, holding his money on his desk. "How about a little music to count my money to?" He turned on the radio that was right next to him.

"And now for the #1 song in Smashville: _"Electric Zoo"_." The radio DJ said as a techno beat played.

"Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music."

Pit was still in the kitchen when a buzzer went off. "I surrender! Oh."

"Pit-stain!" Pit screamed and his hat landed on Dark Pit's nose.

"Pittoo, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?"

"I'm not wearing your hat on my nose, I'm waiting for #17's order!"

"#17-Smash Burger and a medium beverage. Course. Sorry Pittoo, I'm not really feeling myself today. I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where robots take over the world. I even asked Mew if he was a robot! Pretty funny, huh?"

"Hilarious. Just deliver the food."

Pit went and delivered the food to Yoshi. "There you go! Enjoy your...Say, you're not a robot, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere. Back to work!"

"I feel completely recharged!" Pit heard Mario say from his office.

"That sounds like Mr. Mario." Pit peeked into the window where he saw Mario talking to his radio.

"Come on, little buddy, play it again. Please? One more time, for me."

"That was strange. Mr. Mario was talking to his radio, and he said he feels 'recharged.'" Pit laughed. "If I didn't know better, I'd say he was...a robot. Nah."

Mario called the radio station. "Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again."

"Hmmm...which one, man?" The DJ asked on the phone.

"The one that goes 'bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep'."

"No, man. You're thinking of 'bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop'."

"Bee-boo-boo-boo-boo-bop, bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bee-bop? Not bee-boo-boo-beep? Bop? Beep? Boo-boo-bop?"

Pit screamed. "Oh my gosh. Why was Mr. Mario making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's...a robot? Nah." Pit peeked into the window again to see Mario doing a strange robot dance on his desk. He then jumped into Dark Pit's arms. "Oh, Pittoo, it's terrible! Mr. Mario...taking to radio...beeping sounds...strange dancing...robot!"

"That's great, Pit-stain. Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen?" Dark Pit threw Pit into the kitchen and laughed for a moment, until he suddenly appeared right back next to him.

"I'm serious, Pittoo! Mr. Mario is a robot. And I can prove it, too."

"How did you...?"

"Let's see, in the movie the robots didn't have any sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Mr. Mario!"

Mario rushed over to the counter. "What is it, boy?"

"Pittoo just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it."

"Is it true, Dark Pit? Is it hilarious?"

"Umm...yeah, sure."

"Well, let's hear it, lad."

"Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Pittoo?"

Dark Pit chuckled nervously. "Uhh, it went, ummm, uhh, let's see, uhh...why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?"

"Why?"

"It was rated 'R'." Dark Pit laughed. "Arr! Because it's...about...pirates."

"I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Dark Pit! Now get back to work!"

Pit gasped. "Not even a chuckle. See, Pittoo? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's...a robot."

"There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, Pit-stain. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Mario is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you..."

"Hey, Mr. Mario!"

Mario ran up to the counter again. "What? What is it, boy?"

"Pittoo's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad?" Pit pretended to cry.

"Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Dark Pit can hug himself during his break! Now get back to work!"

"Just like the robot in the movie. He couldn't cry either."

"Pit-stain, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much!"

"That's the final test, Pittoo. The love test. Robots can't love."

"No, wait, Pit!"

"Hey, Mr. Mario!"

"What is it, Pit?!"

"I just wanted to tell you that Pittoo loves you!"

Mario stared at Dark Pit with a blank expression. "Get back to work, Mr. Dark Pit."

Pit gulped. "Pittoo?"

Mario was writing something on his desk until his radio suddenly died. "Aw, my radio died! Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Phosphora for Christmas." He put the batteries in his pocket just as a bell rang. "My hard-boiled egg is ready! I can already taste it. Come to Papa." Mario took the egg out of the pot with tongs. "Got ya! And what good is a hot-boiled egg without a little salt?"

"Mr. Mario!"

Mario broke the egg and accidentally tossed the entire salt shaker into his eyes. "Ahhh! Oh, my eyes!"

"Mr..."

"Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie looks like?"

"Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries."

"Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Mario look anything like that?"

Mario suddenly barged out of his office screaming, his eyes piercing red, his metal tongs snipping, and batteries placed in his pocket. Both angels screamed as he ran into the bathroom.

"I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy!"

Pit ran over to the phone. "Hello, Operator? Get me the Navy!"

"Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service."

"Pittoo, the robots are running the Navy!"

"Not the Navy!" Dark Pit then spoke over the loudspeaker. "Attention everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!" Everyone was silent for a moment. "Our world!" The customer then ran outside screaming. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know. Hey, a nickel!"

"Pit-stain."

"Sorry."

Mario walked out of the bathroom, his eyes back to normal. "Ah, that's better." He continued making beeping sounds as he walked back to his office.

"We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Mario, but how?"

"Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot."

"They poop on the robot?"

"Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information."

"I never thought I'd say this, but Pit-stain, let's get that poop!" The two angels grabbed some equipment and went into Mario's office.

"Oh, hello, boys." Pit and Dark Pit were at the door with angry expressions on their faces. "What can I do for you?" They then turned around and locked the door. "Heh-heh, why did you lock the door? Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?" They then proceeded to tie Mario to a chair. "Pit! Dark Pit! What's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant!"

"Shut up!" Dark Pit snapped as he slapped him.

"Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?!"

"I said shut up, you bucket of bolts!" Dark Pit then slapped him again.

"I can't take it!" Pit then ran off crying.

"Pit, are you okay?"

"Oh, Pittoo, seeing you slap Mr. Mario like that is just too horrible to watch!"

"No, that's not Mr. Mario. That's Robot Mario."

"Oh, yeah."

"And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know."

"Right." Pit ran up to Mario and slapped him.

"Pit-stain, you got to ask him a question first."

"Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear?" Pit then slapped Mario again.

"Pit-stain, let me handle this." Dark Pit turned a light on Mario. "Where's Mr. Mario?"

"What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Mario."

Dark Pit slapped him again. "We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Mario?"

"I'm Mr. Mario."

"Where's Mr. Mario?" Pit asked.

"I'm Mr. Mario."

"Where's Mr. Mario?" Dark Pit asked again.

"I am Mr. Mario! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!"

"This is one stubborn robot." Pit commented.

"WHAT?!" Mario yelled, knocking over the lamp and Pit. "You think I'm a ROBOT?!"

"We don't think; we know."

"That's the silliest thing I've ever heard! I am Mr. Mario!"

Dark Pit walked over to Pit. "He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way."

"I got an idea. Keep an eye on him, Pittoo. Don't fall for any of his robot tricks." Pit ran out of the room and came back in a minute later. "If Robot Mario won't tell us where Mr. Mario is, maybe one of his robot friends will."

"Pit-stain, uhh, that's a blender."

"Yeah, but I saw Mr. Mario talking with his radio before. He called it his 'little buddy'."

"Oh, really? Put it on the table, Pit."

"You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy."

"We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows." Dark Pit said as he held up a bat.

"No, wait! What are you going to do with my blender?! That cost me money!"

"Where's Mr. Mario?" Dark Pit asked the blender. "Not talking, eh?" He then smashed it with the bat.

"No! That cost me $24.95!"

"I guess it didn't know anything."

"Go get the toaster." Pit then got the toaster and put it on Mario's desk.

"No, not my toaster. That cost me $32.50!" Dark Pit smashed the toaster and then a food processor. "$62.67!" Pit then put a coffee maker on the desk. "Four...well, actually, that one was a gift." Dark Pit then smashed the coffee maker as well. "Nooo!"

"This is the last robot, Pittoo." Pit said as he tried to carry the cash register to the desk.

"No, not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator. No!" Mario then started to sob.

"I thought you said robots can't cry."

"I also said they couldn't love."

"I loved it like it was my own." Mario sobbed.

"Uh, at least he's not laughing."

"Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share!"

"Pit-stain uhh, how did that movie of yours end?"

"The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just their...imagination." Pit chuckled nervously as he checked his watch. "Hey, it's time to feed Mew." He then ran out as Dark Pit smiled nervously at Mario, grabbing a broom to sweep the broken pieces off the floor. Mario, who was beyond infuriated, let out an earth-shattering yell.

" **Dark** **Pit!** "


	19. Hall Monitor

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 19: Hall Monitor

* * *

Lady Palutena's Driving School. Where diligent students learn the rules of the road.

"Everyone, put down your books, because it's time to pick out the hall monitor of the day!" Palutena announced. Pit squeezed his pencil so hard it shot up into the air. "Let's see here. This week's hall monitor will be Marth, Sonic, no, no, Lucina, Roy, mm..." Palutena gasped. "...Pit." Pit moved his desk between two rows. "It's Sonic! Sonic's the hall monitor."

"Lady Palutena, I've done it already!"

"Ohhh...Shulk?"

"No way, Lady Palutena."

"Uhh, Lucina, you're the hall monitor."

"Hey, I've done it three times already!"

"P...uh...Peach!"

"She graduated!"

"Olimar? Zelda? Corrin?" Pit was poking Palutena with his desk as she sighed. "Alright, I guess I have no choice." Palutena gulped. "The hall monitor of the day is...Pit."

"Yahoo! Hall monitor Pit reporting for duty, Lady Palutena! I am ready to assume my position...in the hall! I will protect all that are weak...in the hall! All rules will be enforced...in the hall!"

"Okay! Just take the hat and belt."

"I can't accept that yet, Lady Palutena. First I have to make my speech."

"You can't make this easy, can you?"

"CLASSMATES! Who am I to deserve such a great honor? Why, I would be nothing without Lady Palutena."

"Give me a break."

"And to my public, all I can say is I'm touched. And furthermore, I will carry out my duties..." Pit continued his speech for several hours. "...crime and punishment, punishment and crime in the hall! Which reminds me of an extremely long speech written by the greatest hall monitor of all time. 'Friends, students, juvenile delinquents, lend me your ears'." Eventually, eveyone including Palutena was asleep. "In conclusion, and without a moment to spare, I will put on this uniform and assume my duties as...hall monitor! Wish me luck, Lady Palutena!" Pit headed towards the door, but then stopped and turned around. "Oh, and here I will be re-" The bell rang as everyone ran over Pit.

"Pit, are you okay?"

"I overdid the speech again, didn't I?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Aww, tartar sauce. I guess I won't be needing this. I hardly knew ya." Pit gave Palutena the uniform and walked away sadly.

"Uhh...Pit?"

"Yes, Lady Palutena?"

"I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow."

"A-hoo! Thanks, Lady Palutena!"

"What are the consequences of what I've just done?"

* * *

Pit was walking down the street until he noticed some traffic. "Broken traffic light! Who's to say my monitor duties should end just because the bell rang? I can be helpful anywhere! This looks like a job for the hall monitor!"

Pit then began to direct the traffic with a whistle, making all sorts of hand gestures to try to get the cars to their destination, but only ended up causing a wreck in the end.

"What would this town do without you, Pit?"

"My leg! My leg."

"On patrol. I'm on patrol. Uh-oh, an open window." Pit peeked into the window where a Toad couple was eating.

"More pasta salad, dear?" The Toadette asked.

"The fools. They've let themselves susceptible to danger. I must show them the error of their ways through example." Pit jumped in through the window wearing a ski mask screaming. "I'm the open window maniac!" The two Toads ran out of their house screaming. "I hope you learned a valuable lesson!"

* * *

"On patrol. I'm on patrol. I'm on patrol..." Pit gasped when he saw a puddle of pink goo on the ground. "Vandals! Another crime." Pit tasted some of the pink goo on his finger. "Strawberry! I must act!" More of the pink goo landed on Pit's head, and he looked up to see Kirby eating an ice cream. "Kirby...Kirby...Kirby..."

"My ice cream! It's alive!" Kirby screamed as he threw the ice cream away.

"Kirby! Down here!"

"Oh, Pit, it's you."

"Kirby. Come down here."

Kirby jumped and landed on top of Pit. "Pit? Pit?"

"I'm down here."

"Hehe, you look funny! Hi, Pit."

"That's hall monitor to you!"

"Sorry, officer."

"Sorry's not good enough, Kirby. You've committed a crime, and I'm taking you in."

"What crime?" Pit pointed to the ice cream that was on the ground. "I'm a bad person!"

"Extra! Extra! Maniac strikes Smashville! City paralyzed with fear!" Villager shouted, before handing Pit and Kirby a newspaper. "Take it, friends. Arm yourselves with knowledge. Extra! Extra! Maniac strikes Smashville!"

"Manic. Smashville? Car wreck? Break-in? Who better to bring this maniac to justice than me, the hall monitor! But I can't handle this case alone. Kirby, are you ready to give up your life of crime?"

"I wanna be good!"

"Hmmm...now you just need a symbol of authority." Kirby then put the ice cream cone on his head. "Perfect! It is our duty to catch this maniac and bring him to justice! But how to proceed? Listen deputy, you're an ex-criminal. What would you do?"

"Hmmm...I'd get an ice cream!" Pit and Kirby then walked out of an ice cream store with some ice cream.

"Okay, now what?"

"Hmmm..." Pit and Kirby walked out of the ice cream store again.

"This isn't working. We've got to do something else. Something with walkie-talkies! And now, duty calls! Alright deputy, I'll go that way, you go some different way! Run em out!" Pit then ran off, making a sound similar to a siren as a police car approached Kirby.

"Afternoon, son." Falco greeted.

"Hello, brothers." Kirby saluted to the officers, and then pointed to the cone on his head.

"Son, we're looking for the maniac."

"Have you seen this man?!" Fox asked, showing Kirby a poster with Pit's sprite on it.

Kirby screamed. "It's the maniac! Take him away! Take him away!"

"Calm down, son. It's just a sprite, not the real thing. Now we're gonna show you this picture again, and you tell us if you've seen this guy, understand?"

"Yeah, uh-huh." Fox then showed Kirby the poster again as he screamed. "Horrible!" Fox and Falco then looked at each other and grinned. Fox then began to repeatedly take away and show the poster to Kirby who screamed every time.

"Stay indoors, son."

"And, uhh, take that cone off your head." Fox and Falco laughed as they drove away.

Kirby took out his walkie-talkie. "Pit? Come in, Pit. Answer."

"Pit here, Kirby. Report."

"I don't wanna be a policeman anymore! I'm scared!"

"Get a hold of yourself, deputy."

"I wanna go home!"

"Poor rookie. Alright, I'm on my way back."

"Hurry Pit, I think it's getting..." The sky suddenly became dark. "...dark."

"Just put on your siren and I'll be right there."

"Wee-woo. Wee-woo. Wee-woo. Wee-woo." Kirby picked up a poster and saw a dark figure down the road. "Wee-woo! Wee-woo! Wee-woo! Pit! I see him!"

"Where is he, Kirby?"

"At the intersection of Brawl and Melee."

Pit turned his head to see that he was on the same intersection. "That's where I am. He's right on top of me, but I can't see him! What's he doing?"

"Uhh, he's just standing there...menacingly! GET OUT OF THERE, PIT!" Kirby yelled as Pit screamed. "That's his maniac shriek. He's going to attack!" Pit started crying and running around in circles. "He's acting all crazy! Run! Hide behind that building! No, he's behind that building! Oh, quick, hide behind the street sign! No wait! The maniac just went by that sign! Quick! Get under the street light! No wait, he's there too! Run for your life!"

Pit then hid in a mailbox as the radio was cutting out. "Say again, deputy?"

"The maniac's in the mailbox!"

Pit screamed as his arms and legs broke out of the mailbox, and began to run through several building until he eventually ran through a fence and a poster landed on his face.

"Huh, this guy's not half-bad-looking for a maniac. Wait a minute, Kirby, _I'm_ the maniac!" Kirby screamed as Pit was surrounded by police cars.

"We'll take that as a confession." Falco said, when Palutena appeared.

"Pit, there you are! I turn my back on you for one second and you destroy half the city! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"You know this guy?" Fox asked.

"Of course I do. I'm the one who gave him the uniform in the first place. He's my responsibility." The police then glared at Palutena. "Uh-oh..."

* * *

"And in conclusion, students: red means stop, green means go. And Pit..."

"Yes, Lady Palutena?" Pit frowned nervously.

"I'd like to see you after class. Six months from now."


	20. Big Pink Loser

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 20: Big Pink Loser

* * *

Welcome to Smashville, where can be found some of the finest speciments of intelligent life. Well, you know.

Kirby was sleeping next to his house when the mailman walked by and put a box in his open mouth. As he was waking up, he opened the box to find that there was a trophy inside.

"An award? I never got an award before! Eeeee! Look house, I got an award. Metroids, I got an award. Moon, I got an awar..." Kirby ran out of oxygen as he fell towards earth. "I gotta show Pit."

Pit was building a house of cards that resembled Mew. "Hold still, Mew."

"Meow."

"Almost done." Pit was about to place the last card when Kirby bursted in.

"Hey, Pit, guess what? I got an award."

"That's great, Kirby. What's it for?"

"See for yourself."

"'For Outstanding Achievement in Achievement: Pit?'"

"Pit? That's a funny way to spell my name."

"Kirby, I think the award is for me. You must've got it by mistake."

"But, it's shiny."

"Yeah, but you know what else is shiny?"

"Ice cream!"

"Exactly!"

"I can find it. Is it in here?"

"No, don't! That's my..." Kirby opened the door and several trophies fell out. "...award closet."

"I want an award." Kirby then started to cry.

"Aww, Kirby, don't cry. You'll get an award one day."

"I'm never gonna get an award because I haven't done anything."

"But you're Kirby...Star. You can do anything you want."

"That's easy for you to say. You're Pit."

"Kirby, if you wanna win an award, you have to so something."

"Hmmm...I wanna defeat the giant monkeyman and save the 9th dimension!"

"Me too! But that sounds a little hard. Why don't we start smaller?"

"I wanna defeat the little monkeyman and save the 8th dimension!"

"Smaller."

"Doctor?"

"Smaller."

"Fireman?"

"The smallest you can think of."

"A job at the Smash Burger?"

"Yeah! I do things at work all the time."

"Then let's go."

* * *

"Boy, it sure was nice of Mr. Mario to give me a job."

"And at 50 dollars an hour, too. When I started working here, I had to pay Mr. Mario 100 dollars an hour. Hey, Pittoo, guess who just got a job?"

"Guess who just quit?" Dark Pit put his hat on Kirby and walked away.

"Do I get my award yet?"

"You have to work for it, remember?"

"Tartar sauce."

* * *

"Pick up order!" Pit placed a food tray on the window, and Kirby went up and ate the food.

"Do I get my award, now?"

"No, you have to take the tray to the customer."

"Ok." Kirby took the tray to the table, but there was no food on it.

"Almost. Try again and this time make sure the food gets to the table."

Kirby took the food tray to the table, but ate the food just as he sat down. "Like that?"

"Nope."

"Dang it!"

"Let's try something different. All you have to do is answer the phone."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Kirby whistled as the phone rang.

"Is this the Smash Burger?"

"No, this is Kirby." Kirby put down the phone and then it rang again.

"Is this the Smash Burger?"

"No! This is Kirby!" The phone the rang once more.

"Is this the Smash Burger?"

"NO! THIS IS KIRBY!" Kirby slammed the phone down. "I'm not a Smash Burger."

"Uhh, Kirby, that's the name of the restaurant."

"Huh? Oh, fishpaste!"

* * *

"It looks a little dusty around Table 3. How about you sweep it out?"

"What's the point? I can't do anything right."

"You'll do fine."

Pit handed Kirby a broom. He started to sweep the floor using the top of the broom when Falco walked by.

"Hey pal. You just blow in from Stupidtown?"

"Keep trying, Kirby."

Suddenly, a delivery man came in. "I've got a load of awards for Pit."

"Why can't I do anything right?!" Kirby banged the bottom of the broom on the floor, causing dust to rise everywhere.

"Kitchen!" Pit dragged Kirby into the kitchen.

"I'm never gonna get an award, now."

"Don't give up, Kirby. This time I've got something I know you can do. We're gonna open a jar." Pit took out a jar and opened it. "Easy. Now you try. First get a jar." Kirby took out a pickle. "Kirby, that's a pickle."

"Yes."

"You need a jar." Kirby held up a spatula. "No." He then picked up Pit. "No. Try..this! Now take the lid off the jar." Kirby put the jar in his mouth. "Just relax. Lift your hand. Great! We're almost there. Now put it on the lid. No, the lid." Kirby kept moving his hand on different places as Pit kept telling him to put it on the lid. "Freeze! Almost there. Now head for the lid. Cold. Warmer. Warmer. Wamer. You're hot. You're on fire!"

"Ow, it burns!"

"Ok, ok. Wait, wait. Do exactly as I do." Pit took the lid off the jar. "Exactly as I do. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly."

"Exactly as you do." Kirby then took the lid off his jar. "Oh, no, I broke it!"

"No, no , Kirby, you did it!"

"I did?" Pit and Kirby then started to celebrate. "Touchdown! I'm jarmaster!"

* * *

"That was great, Kirby! You really got the hang of it."

"Yeah. Remember when I put my hand up? And I put it on the lid?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Then I took the lid off and I thought I broke it."

Pit laughed. "Yeah."

"But I didn't. I opened the jar with my hand. And it was all because you showed me how to do it. I'm never gonna forget this."

"Kirby, you do exactly what I do and you'll have an award in no time."

* * *

The next morning, Pit walked out of house to go to work.

"I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready."

"Good morning, Pit." Pit noticed that Kirby had wings and a laurel crown.

"Wow. It's amazing how a simple change of clothes can make a guy look...just...like...me."

"Yup. If I'm gonna be an award winner, I've gotta dress like one."

"That's creepy...but flattering! I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready..." Pit noticed that Kirby was copying him, and stopped. "Huh?"

"Well, back to the ol' grind."

"Well, back to the ol' grind." Kirby repeated.

"Forgot my hat."

"Uh, me, too."

Pit mopped the floor and then put the mop up. Kirby also mopped the floor, leaving the floor wet. Pit came out with a handful of plates and slipped, breaking them all. Kirby did the same thing. They both were then at the grill, frying burgers, as they stopped and wiped their foreheads.

"Whew!"

Pit laughed. "Dropped my spatula."

"Uhh, me too." Pit took off his hat, and Kirby took off his. They then put their hands on the grill, and Kirby's burned after a few seconds. "Ow!"

"Aha! You're copying me!"

"Yes."

"Why are you doing that?"

"So I can win an award like you."

"Well, it's annoying, so stop it!"

"Stop it."

"Say, you're good."

"Thanks."

"Ha! Darn." Pit and Kirby looked at each other with suspicion. "Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as...pickled fish lips!" They both covered their mouths. "Sky weavle. Gorgy smorgy."

 _'At least I'm safe inside my mind.'_ Pit though.

 _'At least I'm safe inside my mind.'_ Pit and Kirby screamed and ran out of the Smash Burger.

"Stop copying me!"

"There's no award for that."

Dark Pit was standing outside, reading a newspaper as the two ran by. "Well, I guess it's safe to go in now."

"Kirby, how long are you gonna keep this up?"

"Until I have as many awards as you."

"We'll see about that!"

"No, we won't"

"I'm the jump-rope champion of Smashville."

"Me too."

"Oh, yeah? I call this one the Slice N' Dice." Pit crossed his arms and jumped rope while Kirby tried to imitate him, but ended up tying himself up. "Ha! Not a scratch on me."

"Oh, no you don't!"

Pit and Kirby were now hitting hammers over their heads. "Not much fun being me, now, huh Kirby?"

"Are you kidding? I used to do this way before I started copying you." Kirby continued hitting himself with the hammer, getting himself dizzy. Pit then ran into Kirby's house, which was painted to look just like Pit's. "My turn!"

Pit ran into his house. "I wish I had the old Kirby back, but he just wants to be like me." Pit then put on pink clothes and red shoes. "Hi, I'm Kirby Star. I'm the laziest, pinkest puffball in Smashville and I wish I were me and not Pit."

"What's so great about being a Big Pink Loser? Exactly. I was never closer to an award then the minute I started copying you."

"But, Kirby..."

"Kirby's not here!"

"Trophy delivery!"

"Another trophy?"

"Oh, great! What's it for THIS time?"

"'For Doing Absolutely Nothing Longer Than Anyone Else'. Kirby! This trophy's for you!"

"Yay!" Kirby put the trophy on his head. "Eee!"

"So, what are you gonna do now?"

"I'm gonna protect my title." Kirby then fell asleep again by his house.

So you thought I was kidding, huh? No, in Smashville, excellence can be found, even in an ordinary house.


	21. Mega Man and Proto Man

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 21: Mega Man and Proto Man

* * *

"Mega Man: Fleet and forceful. With the ability to assemble and charge the powers of the robots. Mega Man, with his associate Proto Man, fight for all creatures who live in the world, against the forces of evil. Mega Man! Champion of the world."

"Yay! Champion of the world! Woo!" Pit and Kirby cheered as they were dressed as Mega Man and Proto Man respectively.

"Come, Proto Man. There's evil afoot."

"Leaping lampreys, Mega Man. I'm right behind you."

"Mega Man and Proto Man spot their arch enemy, Ra Thor, up to no good."

"Pit-stain."

"You know what this means."

"Donuts."

"Ooohh. Mega Man and Proto Man, unite!"

"Creatures of the world, assemble!" Pit and Kirby went into deep thinking. "Think...harder...Proto Man." A Metroid flew by. "Here they come." Dark Pit just blew the Metroid away. "Blast, Ra Thor has become too powerful."

Dark Pit looked up to find himself under a tent. "What the? Ohh!"

"If Ra Thor is cut off from sunlight, he becomes weak."

"Sizzling circuits, Mega Man. He's destroying the shield!"

"Quick, Proto Man, back to the bot cave."

"Right, Mega Man."

Dark Pit ran and knocked on Pit's door hard. "Pit-stain! Pit-stain, open up!"

"Ra Thor has found our secret lab."

"What would the real Mega Man do?"

"Why don't you go ask him yourself?"

"Elaborate, you vile fiend."

"He and Proto Man live in the retirement home on the other side of town."

"Hmm, they must be working undercover."

"Yeah...now please leave me alone."

"Mega Man and Proto Man, reunite!"

* * *

Pit and Kirby were now at the retirement home where Mega Man and Proto Man reside. "Excuse me, I know that Mega Man is working undercover on an important case, but you think we can see him?"

"Undercover? Yeah...well, I'll see if they can take time from their busy schedule to see you." Dr. Mario led Pit and Kirby to a room where Mega Man and Proto Man were watching TV. "There they are. Right over there." Pit and Kirby gasped. "Try not to surprise them."

"Kirby! Can you believe it?"

"Mega Man and Proto Man in the flesh!" Pit and Kirby rushed over right in front of the TV.

"Hey, who are those guys?" Proto Man asked.

"Uhh, are they here to fix the TV?"

"What do you want?"

"Are you Mega Man and Proto Man?"

"Well, we used to be. But now we're retired."

Pit gasped. "But you can't retire! There's evil afoot."

"Wha? Evil! EEEEEEVILLLLLL!" Mega Man screamed as he held onto a plant. "Proto Man! Don't forget there's evil!"

"All I said was there's evil afoot."

"EEEVILLL! EEEVILLL! EEEE..."

"Will you please stop saying that?"

"Evil! Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil!" Mega Man hung onto a water fountain and water sprayed all over his face. "Disgraaaace!" Dr. Mario then came and threw Pit and Kirby out of the retirement home.

"Wow, Mega Man and Proto Man."

"It's too bad they're old."

"What do you mean, Kirby? Old people are the greatest. They're full of wisdom and experience. The world needs Mega Man and Proto Man. Someone, somewhere, is in trouble, and I won't rest until Mega Man and Proto Man are out of retirement." Pit said as fireworks appeared in the sky.

"Ooh! Pretty lights!"

* * *

Mega Man and Proto Man were in the cafeteria of the retirement home. "To the meatloaf! To the broccoli! Make sure you give extra broccoli to my brother. The boy needs his vitamins."

"Here you go, son." The cafeteria lady laughed.

"To the table, away!"

"Careful! Don't run!"

Pit came over to the table. "Hey, Mega Man."

"Uh, here comes the TV repairman."

"What do you want from us?"

"Hold on. Just let me look at ya."

"Stay alert, brother. He...he's up to something."

"Will you cut...will you stop calling me brother?"

"Do you remember the time that comet crashed into the city? And those lion men came and started turning everyone into humanoid lions. But then the evil Dr. Wily made a deal with the leader of the lion men. And he starts reprogramming all the robots."

"What's your point, kid?" Proto Man asked.

"You guys are the greatest heroes of all time, and I think you should come out of retirement."

"Listen up, you villains. I wanna eat my meatloaf. If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

Dr. Mario then burst in. "What is going on in here?"

"You may kiss the bride!" Pit was kicked out of the retirement home again and rolled all the way back home.

"Did you reunite our heroes?"

"No, but I'm married."

* * *

Mega Man and Proto Man were outside sitting in rocking chairs. "Up, up, and away. Up, up, and away."

Pit then walked by dressed up as a lady. "Oh, my. This purse is so big and heavy."

Then Kirby came in dressed as a robber. "Hold it right there, ma'am. I'll be taking that." Kirby took the purse and Pit screamed.

"Hay-lp! Hay-lp! Hay-lp!"

"It's working."

Proto Man walked over to Pit. "Why, are you here to rescue little ol' me?"

"Pipe down! You could wake Mega Man and he's ornery when his nap is disturbed."

"Ever alert, Mega Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open."

"Confound it, get away from him!"

"Stop shoutin'! I'm nappin'!"

"It's not me, you ol' coot!"

"Yes."

"That's me."

"I'm over here."

"Excuse me, Mega Man."

"What do you want?"

"This better be good."

"This'll cheer you up. We're almost done painting your invisible botmobile."

"Gah! It's supposed to be invisible! That's it! We gotta end our life of leisure. It's time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot."

"EVIL! Where is it?"

"There it is!" Proto Man pointed to Pit and Kirby. "You know what this means?"

"Donuts!"

"Oh, brother." Mega Man and Proto Man put the rings on their fingers and put them together, but it didn't work. They tried it again, but it didn't work. "Say the oath."

"Mega Man and Proto Man, unite!" They put their fists together, and this time it worked. "Use your Proto Buster on 'em!"

"Proto Buster! Proto Buster!" Pit and Kirby chanted. Proto Man fired a shot from his Proto Buster, but the projectile stopped in midair.

"Mumbling motors. It's not working, Mega Man."

"He-he's-he's immune to it like some kind of evil Robot Master!"

"Use a special weapon!"

"It's the Air Shooter!" Pit and Kirby cheered as they were sucked into a tornado.

"Those fiends. They're actually enjoying it."

"Do it again! Do it again! Do it again!"

"Now what, Mega Man? We need help!"

"Earth creatures, unite!" Mega Man and Proto Man summoned the earth creatures, but they were all retired and they walked out slowly.

"Hmm, the creature of the world seem to have lost some of their luster."

"Earth creatures, attack!"

"Pinch me, I must be dreaming. Mission accomplished, Kirby."

"Yeah, we did it." The retired people picked up Pit and Kirby and threw them out.

"I did it. I feel five years younger. Oh, it's good to be back!"

"We did it, you ol' coot."

"Who are you?"

* * *

"The New Adventures of Mega Man and Proto Man! We join our heroes locked in a battle of wits."

Mega Man and Proto Man were playing a rather intense game of checkers. Mega Man placed a black checker on the board.

 _POW!_

Proto Man responded by placing a red checker on the board.

 _CLACK!_

Mega Man sweated for a moment and then placed a black checker to the end of the board.

 _KING ME!_

Suddenly, the phone rang. "It's the Megaphone!" Mega Man went over and picked up the phone. "What is it, Dr. Light? Uhh, hello? Hello? Hello?" He then hung up.

 _HANG UP!_

"The phone is still broken. Remind me to g-get that fixed." Mega Man then sat back down.

 _SIT!_

"Remind you of what?"

"Remind me of what?"

"Will our heroes ever get their phone fixed? Tune in next week and find out."

"Wow. That was even better than the old show."

"All thanks to you." Kirby said, and Pit responded with a wink.

 _WINK!_


	22. Mega Man and Proto Man II

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 22: Mega Man and Proto Man II

* * *

Ah, Saturday morning in Smashville. Pit is watching his favorite Saturday morning show: The Adventures of Mega Man and Proto Man. Enjoying a bowl of Mega Man and Proto Man Bran Cereal, and wearing the official Mega Man and Proto Man breakfast biters.

"Mega Man...fleet and forceful! Aided by his young ward...Aided by his young ward..." Proto Man suddenly fell down hanging from a rope. "...protecting the world with feats of strength and agillity." Mega Man and Proto Man both tried to flex their muscles, but ended up breaking their backs.

"To the chiropractor! Away!"

"Fighting a rouge gallery of Robot Masters like Elec Man, Heat Man, and the dreaded Metal Man! Mega Man and Proto Man unite! Hey, kids, are you ready to hear the winner of this week's contest?"

"I'm ready! I'm ready!"

"Our winner will recieve a special secret collector's item from The Adventures of Mega Man and Proto Man! And the winner is...Tip."

"Aw. I worked forever on those life-sized Smash Burger mannequins of Mega Man and Proto Man."

"...for these life-sized Smash Burger mannequins of Mega Man and Proto Man."

"Hey! Tip stole my idea!"

"What's that? Oh. It appears I've made a slight error in pronounciation. The real name of the winner is...Pit!"

"Wahoo! Oh, I wonder when my prize will...get here..." Pit saw that the mailman was right next to him, holding a package. "My prize! Can it be? It is. The Mega Horn. From The Adventures of Mega Man and Proto Man. As seen on TV. I wonder if it still works." Pit ran over to a window and blew into the Mega Horn.

Mega Man and Proto Man were sitting on the couch in their retirement home, when the sound of the Mega Horn woke Mega Man up. "The Mega Horn! To the Invisible Botmobile!"

An underground passage way suddenly appeared right by the couch, and Mega Man and Proto Man were sent down a slide. They then fell downwards, but suddenly stopped in middair.

"Uh, Mega Man?"

"Yes, Proto Man?"

"We're not in the Invisible Botmobile, are we?"

"Uh, nope." The two then fell to the ground. They then got up to search for the Invisible Botmobile.

"I told you making the Botmobile invisible was a stupid idea."

"Botmobile! Come out, come out...where ever you are."

"It's gotta be here somewhere." Proto Man suddenly hit something. "Ow! Oh, Mega Man, I think I..."

"Found it!" The Botmobile turned on and the back end burned Proto Man. "C'mon, get a move on, son."

"Ignition...on."

"Throttle on." The Invisible Botmobile then headed out of the retirement home and onto the streets.

"Hmm. Maybe the Mega Horn doesn't work anymore."

"Activate torpedo mode! Fire!" Mega Man then crashed right through the wall. "Mega Man..."

"And Proto..." Proto Man crashed through the door, which ended up falling to the ground with his head still in it.

"I can't believe it, Mew. Mega Man and Proto Man in our home. Excuse me, I'm..."

Mega Man pointed to Pit. "Oh, my! He's been horribly disfigured! Oh, blast us! We're too late!"

"Oh, please. He's not disfigured. He's-he's that Pit kid again."

"Oh, yeah. Good to see you, lad. Say, Proto Man, we gotta find out where that Mega Horn came from."

"Oh, that was me. I blew the Mega Horn, sir."

"Alright. Where's the danger, son? Bring it on. Bring it on!"

"Don't worry. There's no danger."

"No danger?" Mega Man and Proto Man asked.

"Look, there has to be danger. You blew the Mega Horn. When you blow the...where'd you get that thing anyway?"

"I won it in a contest."

"Contest?"

"They don't tell us anything anymore."

"Look, Pity, that ain't no toy."

"That's right. The Mega Horn is an awesome responsibillity. We're duty-bound to help whenever it sounds."

"But you only blow it when there's trouble, or there'll _be_ trouble. You got that?"

"Yes, sirs!"

"Good boy."

"Come on, come on, come on. They're serving meatloaf today."

"Oh, goody."

"Don't worry, Mega Man. You won't be hearing from me for just anything. Only for the big emergencies."

* * *

Proto Man was banging on the door to the bathroom of the retirement home. "Will you hurry up in there? And save me some hot wat..."

Mega Man suddenly kicked down the door upon hearing the sound. "The Mega Horn! Come, young ward!"

"Coming!"

Mega Man and Proto Man rushed over to Pit's house, where he was lying on the floor as if dead.

"Oh...youth! Cut down in its prime! Oh, speak to me, son."

"Help...Can't...open mayonnaise."

"What? I come down in my underwear to open a jar of mayonnaise?!"

"But..."

"But nothing! We can't go around socializing. We have to be prepared for, uh, emergencies."

"Proto Man, think about it. Emergencies don't come around as often as they used to."

"Alright, okay. You can blow the Mega Horn every once in a while. Just give us something to do when we show up."

"Yay!" Pit and Mega Man cheered.

* * *

Proto Man was now in the cafeteria in the retirement home, when the sound of the Mega Horn went off and Mega Man grabbed his arm.

"Danger!"

Pit continued to blow the Mega Horn just to have Mega Man and Proto Man do ridiculous things, such as fixing his sink, shining his shoes, and reading him a bedtime story. Eventually, Proto Man had enough and took the Mega Horn away from Pit.

"That's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged."

"Must...must answer clarion call!" Mega Man gasped as he collapsed to the ground.

"We're exhausted."

Pit started to tear up. "I'm sorry, Proto Man. I didn't mean it. I...just wanted to spend time with you. You're my heroes!"

"It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy the thing with my...Proto Buster!" Proto Man tried to destroy the horn with his buster, but failed several times. "I'll destroy it when I get back to the, uh, Megalair. Uh, and as for you..."

"Proto Man, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow. Or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero." Mega Man chuckled.

"You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot."

"Maybe the Mega Horn is too much responsibility. But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?"

"What?"

"To the Invisible Botmobile!"

* * *

"Oh...Jingle bells, Mega Man smells, Proto Man laid an egg, the Invisible Botmobile lost a wheel and..." Pit and Mega Man sang.

"Hey can I drive?"

"Drive? What do you know about driving the Invisible mobile?"

"Tons. Like the windshield wipers are right here."

"Don't touch that button, that's the..." The car suddenly folded the three of them into a small paper crane. "...Origami button."

* * *

Mega Man and Proto Man were standing on top of a building. "When you patrol the city, you'll always have to be vigilante. On your toes. Constantly alert. Always expect the unexpected."

"Hey!" Pit suddenly appeared right next to Mega Man and Proto Man, causing them to fall off the building. "I've got the donuts!"

* * *

"...and Proto Man laid an egg. Hey-hey!" Pit and Mega Man sang again.

"Oh, that fellow over there used to be Heat Man. I know that he dosen't look like much, but he could go back to crime...just like that." Mega Man and Proto Man laughed.

"Help! Help! Help somebody here."

"You're under arrest, Heat Man."

"Stop, kid. Stop! Let him go."

"You said he could snap...just like that."

"What?! Get off of me! If I weren't retired, I'd, I'd, I'd..." Heat Man suddenly fired a stream of fire from his mouth. Mega Man ducked just in time, causing Proto Man to get burned in the face. "...do that. Out of my way, punk."

* * *

Pit, Mega Man, and Proto Man were now sitting in a diner. "I can't believe it: I rode in the Invisible Botmobile, met a Robot Master, and learned to treat third-degree burns, all in one day. So, what are we going to do tomorrow?"

"Uh, uh, say, kid, why don't you take this nickle and go up there and see if our theme song is on the jukebox?" Proto Man asked.

"Okay."

"You know, for a pain in the neck, he's a pretty nice kid."

"Let's ditch him."

"I'm right behind you."

"It dosen't seem to be here."

"Oh, it's there all right."

"Keep looking. Diligence. Diligence."

"Aye, aye, sir." Pit continued looking as Mega Man and Proto Man headed outside.

"Dagnabbit."

"What's the matter?"

"Were did we park the Invisible Botmobile?"

"Aw, that's the 15th time I've looked. But I can't let my heroes down."

"Botmobile, where are you? Proto Man, I found it." Mega Man turned on the car, causing Proto Man to get burned again.

"Still getting burned on that tail pipe, huh, Proto Man?" A familiar voice laughed.

"It's the Yellow Devil!"

"In all his yellow roundness!"

"Oh, no!"

Pit burst out of the diner. "I found it and it's the special dance mix!"

"Help! Help! Help!" Mega Man and Proto Man screamed as they were trapped inside a yellow blob creature.

"Holy Smash Burger! Mega Man and Proto Man's arch nemesis: The Yellow Devil! I can't believe it!"

"You cannot save them, Angel of Misery! They are trapped by my awesome surface tension!"

"You don't understand! You're my favorite super villain. Can I get your autograph?" Pit took out a notepad and a pencil with the point of the pencil pointing forward.

"Oh no! Oh no, you fool stay back the point. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Watch the point now!" Pit then poked the Yellow Devil in the eye with the pencil, instantly defeating it.

"Aha! You saved us, son."

"Yeah, you're a hero."

"I am?"

"Are you up for another ride in the Invisible mobile?"

"Oh...Jingle bells, Mega Man smells, Proto Man laid and egg..." Proto Man then joined in on their singing. "The Yellow Devil popped and Mega Man and Proto Man and Pit got away! Hooray!"

"Watch out!"


	23. Mega Man and Proto Man III

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 23: Mega Man and Proto Man III

* * *

The New Adventures of Mega Man and Proto Man! We join Smashville's noblest, boldest, oldest superheroes as they bravely prepare for vacation. But wait! While our heroes relax at leisure village, who will watch the Megalair?

"Mega Pit..."

"...and Proto Kirby"

"Reporting for duty."

"Yeah, yeah, follow me." Proto Man lead Pit and Kirby into the Megalair.

"Up, up and away!"

"Evil!" Mega Man shouted.

"Now, we want you boys to keep an eye on the place. Water the plants, and make sure that..."

"Oh my gosh, Kirby. This is the greatest wall of superhero super gadgetry ever! I'm going to play with the Spark Shock."

"I'll get the Hard Knuckle."

"Hold on there, boys! You cannot play with this stuff."

"What about the Orb of Confusion?"

"No, no! Prolonged exposure from the Orb of Confusion will give you...uh...confusion!"

"What about the Invisible Botmobile?" Kirby asked.

"Especially not the Invisible Botmobile. When we say don't touch anything, we mean don't touch anything. Do you understand?"

"Loud and clear trusted boy companion!"

"Well, great. Here are the keys. We'll see you in a week."

"Up, up, and away."

"Come Kirby. While our heroes are away, we will keep evil at bay." Pit and Kirby then jumped around the Megalair making karate noises, until Kirby noticed something.

"Huh? BUH-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BA..."

"What is it, trusty sidekick?"

"BUH-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BA! BUH-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BA!" Pit then joined Kirby. "BUH-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BA! BUH-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BUH-BA-BUH-BA! Bass!" Pit and Kirby screamed and hid.

"Hey Pit, how come he's not chasing us?"

"I think he's frozen or something."

"FRUH-FRUH-FRUH-FRO-FRUH-FRUH-FRO-FRUH-FRO!"

"It appears to be some sort of prision chamber...made out of frozen tarter sauce. This is incredible. Next to the Yellow Devil, Bass is the all-time greatest rival of Mega Man and Proto Man. I have so many questions to ask him." Kirby pulled the lever down to unfreeze. "Kirby, what are you doing? We're not supposed to touch anything!"

"But you said you had a question."

"We could get in trouble."

"Well, that's not a question."

"He said not to touch anything and that includes unfreezing a rival!"

"I'm free! Hahaha!"

"Uh, actually, Mr. Bass, sir, only your head is free."

"By the supreme authority of wickedness, I, Bass command you to release me from this frozen prison at once."

"Well, uhh, Mr. Bass sir, we can't do that."

"Why... **Not?!** "

"Because you're evil!"

"You mean, if I was good then you'd let me go?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

"Then, uh, in that case...I am good."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Really, really?"

"Yes, yes, really, really."

"Really, really, really?"

"Yes, yes already! I'm good! I'm good! Now let me out of here or you'll suffer dire consequences."

"Well, that's good enough for me."

"You fools, prepare to be eradicated." Bass jumped at Pit and Kirby, but suddenly stopped and fell to the ground laughing. "What's wrong with me? What is this...infernal contraption?!"

"Don't play dumb, Bass! You know that's the tickle belt Mega Man used on you in episode #17."

 _As seen is episode 17!_

"Oh, I love that episode."

"Oh, me too, me too."

"I'll never get out of here wearing this belt." Bass chuckled. "I...I need and evil plan that will trick them to take it off me. Time for those acting lessions to pay off."

"Remember that part Mega Man and Proto..."

"Oh, sob! Oh, cry. Oh, woe is me. You don't know what it's like being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be...good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency."

Pit and Kirby gasped. "We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go."

"Ahh, that would be fantastic!" Bass chuckled again. "I'll fake my way through just like I did in high school."

* * *

"Okay, Bass. Are you ready for first day of goodness school?" Bass put an apple on his desk. "Kirby, get your wallet out. Okay, Goodness Lesson #1: You see somebody drop their wallet. Kirby, drop the wallet. Now, what would you do?"

"Excuse me sir, but I do believe you dropped your wallet."

"Doesn't look familiar to me."

"What? I just saw you drop it. Here."

"Nope, it's not mine."

"It is yours. I am trying to be a good person and return it to you."

"Return what to who?"

Bass facepalmed and then showed Kirby his ID. "Aren't you Kirby Star?"

"Yup."

"And this is your ID."

"Yup."

"Well, I found this ID in this wallet. And if that's the case then this must be...your wallet."

"That makes sense to me."

"Then take it."

"It's not my wallet."

Bass completely lost his patience at that moment. " **You dim bulb! You better take back the wallet or I'll blast your face off!** "

"Nuh. Wrong." Pit pressed the button to the tickle belt. "Good people don't blast other people's faces off!"

* * *

"Okay, Goodness Lesson #2: You see someone struggle with a heavy package. What do you do?"

"Hello, friend. I noticed you were struggling with that package. Would you like some help?" Kirby dropped the package on Bass' foot. "Ow!"

"Oops, sorry. Can I start over?"

"I noticed that...Ow!"

"Oops. Gotta start again."

"Could, Ow!"

"Oops!"

"You butter-fingered pink thing! What's in that box anyhow?"

"My wallets."

"Arghh!" Bass grabbed Kirby and started to slam him into the ground.

"No! Pit, tickle him!"

"It tickles but it's worth it."

* * *

"Alright, Goodness Lesson #3. Uhh, let's see."

Kirby grabbed the remote from Pit. "I've got one. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?"

"Umm...62?" Bass guessed.

"Wrong!" Kirby pushed the button.

"Haha. Stop."

"Hey, Kirby, that's got nothing to do with being good."

"Let go of it, Pit."

"Kirby, we've got to use it only when he's bad."

"Let go!"

"No, you let go!"

"Let go!" The remote broke, causing the belt to go haywire.

"Frequency rising. Bel- Belt out of control. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Belt on too hard. It's tickling my circuits. Make it stop! Haha. Please!"

"Did you hear that, Kirby? He said the P word."

"Peanuts?"

"No. Please."

"Well, that's good enough for me. I guess he's reconstituted."

"Rehabilitated."

"Gesundheit."

"It's graduation day, Bass. This is the key to your future." Pit unlocked the belt off of Bass. "Just look at him, Kirby. The picture of goodness." Bass started to take things off the wall of weapons. "Umm, we're not supposed to touch that stuff. We're not supposed to touch it that way, either. We are really not supposed to touch those, sir. Good people have no use for weapons such as...Thooooose!"

"The only thing I'm got at is being evil. So long, suckers."

"What's that smell, Pit?"

"That, Kirby, is the smell of defeat."

"Good, I thought it was my skin."

"Forget about your skin, Kirby. Bass is still bad and someone has to stop him. This is a job for Mega Man..."

"...and Proto Man!"

"To the Invisible Botmobile."

"Ignition, on!"

"Wait! I don't have a license."

"Well, this is an invisible car, right? So, you need and invisible license."

"You're the best sidekick ever, Proto Man." The car drove right through the wall and into a street light.

"Thank goodness for invisible seat belts."

"Out of my way, fools. You no longer have control of me. And now this town belongs to, Bass!"

"Not so fast, Bass. We still have to Orb of Confusion. Take this!" Pit turned on the Orb of Confusion and they both got confused.

"Well, that was easy." Bass then ran into a bank. "All right, people! Everybody stand right where you are." Everyone in the back gasped. "I want you to, uh..." Bass suddenly started laughing, and everyone in the bank started laughing too. "No! No! Stop giggling or I'll have to..." Bass started laughing again, and everyone else continued laughing. "Stop laughing, you fools."

"What can I do for you, sir?"

"Well, I'll tell you what you can do. Gimme all your..." Bass then started laughing again. "G-gimme, gimme all of your..." Bass couldn't stop laughing until he realized what was happening. "Ahh! The belt is gone but I still feel it's tickle. The urge to do bad is gone. I guess I'll just open a checking account."

Bass went over to Pit and Kirby and turned the Orb of Confusion off and Pit gasped. "Bass!"

"No need to be alarmed, Pit. Your teachings have transformed me. Besides, I have checks...with little poodles on them!" Bass then took off his helmet and handed it to Pit. "I won't be needing this anymore. Farewell, fellow do-gooder."

"Bye, Bass! Wow. We did it! Just like the real Mega Man and Proto Man. We saved the day. Isn't it incredible, Kirby! Kirby?"

"Uhh..."

"Kirby, you know that thing's turned off, right? Kirby? Yoo-hoo? Kirby?!"


	24. Mega Man and Proto Man IV

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 24: Mega Man and Proto Man IV

* * *

Ahh, the Smash Burger. Through these doors pass all the many kinds of intelligent life.

"Through the double doors! Away!" Mega Man shouted as he burst through the front doors.

And also these guys.

"I told you I'm not hungry, Mega Man!"

"N-nonsense, Proto Man, we've got to keep up our strength for the fight against evil!"

"What a dive."

"To the register! Away!"

"Can I help you?" Dark Pit asked.

"A double Smash Burger and fries for me, and a silly meal for the lad."

"It's not for the toy, I just...I've gotta fit in the boots, y'know?"

"Whatever. Five dollars, please."

"You got it, bucky." Mega Man then took out a metal nut. "Will this cover it?"

"No."

"Listen clone, this guy has been saving your butt since before you were born. Don't you got a living legend discount or something?"

"This is a restaurant, not a lending library. And who are you calling clone, clone?"

"Well next time danger threatens, don't expect any help from us!"

"I'm shaken. Heh. Mega Man and Proto Man."

Suddenly, Pit burst in through the wall. "Mega Man and Proto Man? Must...get..autograph!" He took out a pen and paper and ran over to Mega Man and Proto Man's table.

"If you wanna grow up strong like me..." Mega Man said as he took off his helmet. "You gotta leave room for seconds. Here comes our waiter!"

Pit ran over to the table like a mad man. "Autograph!"

"Holy cow, it's that Pit-kid!"

"Quick lad, to the Invisible Botmobile! Away!"

"Where'd we park?"

"Uhh..."

"Can I have your autograph can I have your autograph can I...they're gone!" Pit gasped. "Mega Man's helmet!"

"Wait! We'll find it with the invisible car alarm!" Mega Man pressed an invisible button, and the car briefly flickered. "There she is!" Mega Man and Proto Man jumped into the car, but Proto Man hit the seat divider.

"Eee-ow! I told you we shoulda got the automatic!"

"Hey guys! Wait up! I've got something for you..."

"Floor it!"

"You forgot your helmet! You forgot-" Mega Man and Proto Man drove away. "Mega Man's helmet! The emblem of submersible justice! For 65 years, this helmet has helped prevent the fall of nations. I can't believe I'm actually holding it in my hands! Well, I guess I should return it." Pit put on the helmet and snuck into the kitchen. "Or not! I could just hang onto it till after work...all alone with Mega Man's helmet. I wonder what this button does!" Pit pushed a button and the helmet shrunk a barrel. "Whoa! The small ray!"

"Here's your shake, sir." Dark Pit was interrupted by the sound of Pit giggling from the kitchen, as several flashes of light came from there.

Pit handed a tiny burger to a cockroach. "There you go. Come again, sir."

"Pit-stain, what's going on in here? Huh?" Dark Pit looked and saw that everything in the kitchen was tiny, and that a cockroach was eating a small burger. "Why's everything all tiny?"

"I don't know."

"What do you got there?"

"Nothing."

"No, really?"

"Nothing."

"You've got something alright, let's see it!"

"No, no!"

Dark Pit gasped "Is that Mega Man's helmet?"

"Yes."

"Wow! I can't believe he'd lend it to you!"

"Me, uh, either."

Dark Pit gasped again. "He didn't lend it to you, did he?"

"Please don't tell!"

"You stole it!"

"Please don't tell!"

"Oh, I'm telling."

"Pittoo, if Mega Man finds out, he'll kick me out of his fan club for sure! Please don't tell!"

"Uh-oh! There's the phone."

"Don't!"

"I'm walking towards the phone!"

"No!" Pit sobbed.

"I'm getting closer to the phone!"

"Don't!"

"And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for."

"I'm begging you!"

"Hello. I'd like to speak to Mega..." Pit then shrunk Dark Pit, causing him to land on the table. "What the? What?" The phone hit him on the head. "Ow!"

"Hello? Hello?" Mega Man's voice asked over the phone.

"What did you do to me?!"

"I'm sorry, Pittoo, but you made me do it!"

"Pit-stain, if you don't return me to normal size right now, you're gonna be in really big trouble!"

"Uh...uh, okay, uh..."

"I said now!"

"Uh...Uh..."

"Do you hear me?!" Pit changed Dark Pit to have multiple eyes with snakes in them. "Holy cow! Get it off me! Get it off me!" Dark Pit took the eyes off him and panted in fear. "Don't you know how to work that thing?!"

"Uhh, I can do it!" Pit then changed Dark Pit into many horrifying things, such as being burned, having no skin, and being cut in half with scissors.

"Stop! I've got an idea. Let's call Mega Man and-"

"No! I can't let you do that! But there must be someone else who can help! Someone smart and wise, with years of life experience." Pit rushed over to Kirby's house and pounded on the door. "Kirby! Kirby! Kirby!"

"Ehh? Huh? Oh. Hi, Pit."

"Kirby, I was at work and Mega Man and Proto Man came, and I got this helmet, and look." Pit showed Kirby the shrunken Dark Pit.

"A Pittoo action figure! Let me play with him!"

"No, Kirby!"

"Fighter pilot!" Kirby imitated jet plane driving, machine gun fire, and explosion noises. "Dive bomb!"

"Kirby!"

"And then comes a giant fist!"

"Kirby, no! That's not an action figure! That's the real Pittoo! I shrunk him by accident."

"Oh...and then comes a giant fist!"

"Kirby, you don't understand! This is serious! I don't know how to unshrink him! He could be stuck like this for the rest of his life."

"Oh, don't worry about it. He'll find love one day."

"You think so?"

"Well, sure. But it'll be someone his own size. Like this pickle! See? They like each other!"

"N-n-n-n-no." Dark Pit muttered in disgust as Kirby pushed him and the pickle together as if they were kissing.

"Oh, if only I knew how to work this thing!"

"Let me take a look at it. Hmmm. You know what the problem is?"

"What?"

"You got is set to 'M' for Mini, when it should be set to 'W' for Wumbo."

"Kirby, I don't think Wumbo is a real word."

"Come on! You know...I wumbo, you wumbo, he she me...wumbo? Wumbo, wumboing..."

"I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me." Dark Pit muttered to himself.

"Wumbology, the study of wumbo? It's first grade, Pit!"

"Kirby, I'm sorry I doubted you."

"Well alright then, Let 'er rip!" Pit then shrunk Kirby. "It worked!"

"Oh no!"

"Look, Pit's giant! Can I be giant next?"

"Kirby, I'm not giant, you shrunk too!"

"You're kidding! Good thing I still got this pickle!"

"Hey! Now will you take us to Mega Man?!"

"No! He can never find out! But I'll think of something. I promise. Until then, you'll be safe in this jar."

"You know what's funny? My pickle started out in a jar, and now it's in one again! Heh. It's like a pun or something."

"It's only two people no big deal, nobody else saw it."

"Hey, Pit!"

"Viridi!" Pit gasped as he suddenly turned around and shrunk her.

"What did you do? For cryin' out. What did y'all do to me?"

"I'm sorry Viridi! Mega Man came in and..."

"Hey Pit!" Pit gasped again and shrunk Captain Falcon.

"Hey, Pit, I-" Pit then shrunk Falco.

"Hi, Pit." Pit shrunk Lucina and made a run for it.

"Hello, Pit." Pit then shrunk Palutena.

"Pit-dude!" Pit continued to shrink people that he came across, until there was no room left in the jar.

"Whoo! I'm gonna have to get a bigger jar."

"Pit-stain, will you just face facts? You've shrunken everybody in Smashville! You've got to go to Mega Man!"

"Oh Pittoo, he'll be so disappointed."

"Well, you can't leave us small forever!" Viridi snapped.

"You don't understand!"

"Pit. You need to admit your mistakes." Pit's mother Amber (My Kid Icarus OC) told him calmly.

"Mom?"

"You're mother's right, son. Mega Man will understand."

"You're Mega Man, you old coot!"

"Oh yeah."

"Mega Man? I'm so sorry, it's just that I'm such a big fan, and your helmet, and..."

"Aww, don't worry son. I understand! Why, I remember back when I first used the helmet, the year was 20XX, why I believe the president-"

"Just tell him how to unshrink us!" Everyone shouted.

"Oh, yes. The unshrink ray. Let's see, uh, uh...Did you set it to Wumbo?"

"What?!" Everyone burst out of the jar and started to climb up Pit's body. "Get Pit!"

"Now I have to drive five miles to go to the bathroom...in my own home!" Dark Pit growled as he kicked Pit's stomach.

"And I need an elevator to climb one stair!" Viridi snapped as she kicked Pit's leg.

"We've been shrinking for years!"

"But this is ridiculous!" Mega Man and Proto Man then kicked Pit's eyes.

"Everything's too big!"

"I've got it!" Pit then went and shrunk Smashville. "Ta-da! Since I couldn't make you big, I made the city small! And now, only one more thing to shrink. Cheese!" Pit then shrunk himself along with the rest of the others.

"I guess this is okay."

"Yeah, what's the difference?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Good idea, Pit." Lucina said. Everyone started to cheer just as a bus stopped in front of the shrunken city and Mewtwo stepped out of it.

"Well, it's great to be back! Huh?"


	25. Mega Man and Proto Man V

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 25: Mega Man and Proto Man V

* * *

The New Adventure of Mega Man and Proto Man. In a familiar restaurant, in a familiar part of town, a call goes out in frustration.

"Will you hurry up?" Fox asked impatiently.

A call that would normally be answered by Smashville's semi-retired champions. _If_ they weren't the ones causing the problem.

"Let's see...I wanna, no. I wanna, uh, no, uh, hmmm..."

"Sir, will you please order already? You're holding up the line!"

Pit whispered in Mega Man's ear. "Psst. Hey, Mega Man, get a Smash Burger."

"I've made my decision."

"Horray!" The long line cheered.

"One Smash Burger for me and a Pipsqueak Burger for my brother."

"Now, wait just a darn minute."

"Aww!"

"I don't want a Pipsqueak Burger. I want an adult size Smash Burger."

"The Smash burger is too big for you. You'll never finish it."

"Don't you see what you're doing. You're treating me like a child."

"The boy's eyes are bigger than his stomach." Mario laughed.

"And that's another thing, I'm not a boy! I was created before you!"

"One Pipsqueak Burger and your bib and highchair." Dark Pit snickered.

"I'm 68 years old and I want a Smash Burger!"

"Your Pipsqueak is getting cold. Shall I feed you?"

"Feed this, old man!"

"Oooooooh." Everyone except Mega Man and Proto Man gasped.

"I'm tired of playing second banana to a robot who wears tights! From now on, I want to be the Proto Man that I am! And, I'm through protecting citizens that don't respect me!"

"I respect you, Proto Man." Pit said.

"Ohh...forget it people. If you're not going to give me the respect I want as a hero, then maybe you'll give me the respect as a villain. A villain who is...evil."

"Evil?" Pit asked.

"Evil?" Mario, Kirby, Viridi, and Dark Pit asked as well.

Mega Man just stood there smiling, until Mario slapped him. "EVIL!"

"I am crossing over...to the dark side!" Proto Man pointed to the dark side of the restaurant.

"Why should I waste money lighting the whole store?"

Two figures approached from the darkness. "Did someone say evil?"

"Holy oil spill! It's two of Mega Man and Proto Man's arch enemies: Guts Man and Cut Man!" Pit exclaimed.

"Nighty-night, you old goat!"

"Nighty-night! Will you tuck me in?" Mega Man asked Dark Pit.

"We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives for this news report. Guts Man, Cut Man, and now playing for the dark side Proto Man, have been committing a series of crimes throughout Smashville." The three robots proceeded to cause all sorts of havoc around town, such as ding-dong ditching.

"I'll get you crazy kids!"

"These three have named their new alliance: Every Villain Is Lemons, otherwise known as E.V.I.L.! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the evil? Why am I asking _you_ all these questions? Mega Man, where are you?"

Mega Man just stood there, until Mario slapped him again. "I'm right here! Don't worry, good citizens! Nothing will stop me from deafeating the E.V.I.L! Nothing!" He ran out of the Smash Burger. "Ice cream? I love ice cream? A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles." The people in the truck gave Mega Man an ice cream cone, which was actually a bomb, and it exploded. "It goes right through me every time."

"You might as well give up, Mega Man, because there are three of us and only one of you. You don't stand a chance." Proto Man said as they drove off.

Pit ran over to Mega Man. "Are you okay, Mega Man? Oh, how are you gonna beat those three guys all by yourself?"

"You're right. I give up."

"You can't give up. What if we help you?"

"No, no, that's a terrible idea. But what if you help me?"

"Okay!"

"Who wants to save the world?"

"I do!"

"I do!" Kirby added.

"I do!" Viridi added as well.

"I don't."

"Oh, yes, you do! No world means no money! Now, go save the world, or you're fired!"

"Then it's settled! To the Megalair!"

* * *

"Wow! The Megalair!" Pit exclaimed.

"These costumes belonged to the original International Justice League of Super Acquaintances!"

"Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were the most heroic heroes ever! And you had the best lunch box, too."

"Once you put on these costumes, their fantastic powers will become yours."

"Wow! I didn't think super powers worked that way." Viridi commented.

"Sure! Power's all in the costume! Why else would we run around in colored undies?"

"I can think of three good reasons." Dark Pit muttered.

Quick Man...with the ability to run really...quick!

"Want to see me run to that mountain and back?" Pit asked as he pointed to the mountain. "You wanna see me do it again?"

Fire Man...get him angry and he's bound to erupt!

"Krakatoa!" Dark Pit yelled as fire shot out of his head.

Spring Man...able to stretch his body into fantastic shapes and forms!"

"I can finally touch my toes!" Kirby exclaimed as he moved his feet over his head and to his hands.

And Invisible Woman...now you see her...now you don't.

"Does this outfit make me look fat?"

The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Capcom.

"So, it's settled then. We'll get one cheese pizza, one with pepperoni and mushrooms, and one with olives."

"Super Acquaintances, we need your help."

"Holy halibut! It's Dr. Light!"

"Thank you for the introduction, Quick Man, but we all know who I am! More importantly, we've found information on the whereabouts of E.V.I.L."

"Those whos abouts of what?" Kirby asked.

"You just tell us where they are, Dr. Light, and we'll hog-tie 'em faster than you can say Salsa Verde."

"Our sources last found E.V.I.L. harrassing teenagers up at "Make Out Bay" You know, Make Out Bay?"

"Sizzling circuits, Mega Man, Make-Out Bay!"

"Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!"

"Ah, Make-Out Bay. Good times, good times." Dark Pit sighed.

"To Make-Out Bay, away!"

"Does this mean we're not getting pizza?" Kirby asked.

* * *

"Stop, please!"

"Shulk and Lucina, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Oh! Shine the flashlight in that car, Guts Man!"

"Haha, with pleasure!" Guts Man shined the flashlight in a car where Link was kissing a pillow.

"Hey man, that's not cool."

"Leave those young lovers alone!"

"Well, if it isn't Milk Maid Man! You've saved us the trouble of tracking you down!"

"You fiends can't win! You're outnumbered!"

"You senile bag of bolts! There are three of us and only one of you!"

Pit then ran beside Mega Man. "Make that two!"

"Quick Man!"

Dark Pit then blasted up like a rocket and landed next to the two. "Three!"

"Fire Man!"

Kirby then stretched his body far from behind. "Four!"

"Spring Man!"

Viridi then suddenly appeared right next to them. "Five!"

"I-Invisible Woman?!"

"And me makes ten, I think."

"Uh-oh."

"I don't have a good feeling about this."

"Oh, there goes our toy deal." Proto Man muttered.

"Super Acquaintances, attack!"

"Oh no, please, mercy!" Proto Man begged.

"Krakatoa!" Dark Pit yelled as he fired a beam of fire, only for it to hit Pit.

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Get it off! Get it off!" Pit screamed as he started to run around in circles. "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"

"I'll save you, Quick Man!" Kirby stretched his arms out to try to save Pit, only to get caught, sending him flying with his arms overstretched.

"I'll cool you off, Quick Man, with my Ice Slasher!"

"Huh?! No, no, no, I'm not Quick Man! I'm Fire...Man..." Dark Pit coughed as he was frozen.

"Well, I guess it's up to me! I'll sneak over...unseen...and catch them by surprise." Viridi suddenly got hit by a car and was sent falling over a cliff.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Pit finally stopped running when he was nothing but boots. "Whew...I'm glad that's over!"

Proto Man, Guts Man, and Cut Man looked over at the fallen heroes, and then at Mega Man, who just fell to the ground.

"We did it. We won! This day belongs to E.V.I.L.! You've lost Mega Man, and the superhero and super-villain rules say you have to give in to my demands."

"Okay, what do you want?"

"World domination! Tell him we want world domination!"

"And make him eat dirt!" Cut Man laughed until Guts Man glared at him. "In addition to the...domination thing."

"Number one, I want to be treated like a superhero, not a sidekick. And number two..."

"Come on, world domination!"

"I want an adult-sized Smash Burger."

"Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt?"

"Need a hand, superpal?" Proto Man helped Mega Man get onto his feet, and then they embraced.

"Good to have you back on the side of justice, Kyle. Let's go get you that Smash Burger!"

"What was that? Oh, that's sickening."

"Oh, this reminds me of the time I went to Cancun with Elec Man. Oh, they had these papaya drinks..."

"Oh, please, shut up!" Guts Man groaned.

* * *

"How is that adult-sized Smash Burger treating you, Proto Man?" Mega Man asked as they were sitting at the restaurant.

"Actually, it's pretty big. I'm not sure if I can finish the whole thing." Proto Man replied, and then everyone laughed, including Pit, Kirby, Viridi, and Dark Pit who were still injured.


	26. Pickles

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 26: Pickles

* * *

"Welcome to the Smash Burger. My name is Dark Pit. May I take your order?"

Link thought for a moment. "Hmmm...uhh...oh, I'll have a...no. Maybe...no. Hmmm...I'll have...no. Or maybe..."

"Are you planning on ordering today, sir?"

"I'll have a Smash Burger."

"How original."

"And with extra onions."

"Daring today, aren't we?" Dark Pit took the order to the back window to Pit. "One Smash Burger, extra onions."

"One cryin' Johnny comin' up! First bun, then burger, followed by ketchup, mustard, pickles, extra onions, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, and bun, in that order. One cryin' Johnny! Up!"

"Whatever." Dark Pit took another order and then repeated it through the window. "Twelve Smash Burgers on wheat buns!"

"Bun, burger, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, burger, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, burger, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, burger, ketchup, tomato, bun, bun, burger, ketchup, tomato, bun. One dozen cryin' cows on the farm! Up!"

"Thanks, Farmer Brown. It's been a thrill serving you."

"Can I get some extra salt?" Marth asked.

"We're all out."

"Could you check?"

"No." Marth glared at Dark Pit and walked away as a rather big customer stepped up. "Let me guess, Tiny, a small salad?"

"I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim."

"We serve _food_ here, sir."

"I got it already, Pittoo." Pit gasped. "Thanatos."

Thanatos pushed Dark Pit out of the way. "Pit. I hear talk you make a mean Smash Burger."

"Yep. I hear talk you're kinda picky."

"Yep."

"Well then...here ya go!" Pit gave Thanatos a burger and he took a bite. "Well, Thanatos, whaddaya think?"

"This is pretty good. Only one thing. You forgot the pickles!"

"No."

"The best there is? I don't think so. You lose!" Thanatos laughed.

"But, the pickles should be right where they always are. I know I put them on!" Pit started to tear apart the burger. "Where are those pickles? Pickles? Pickles? Pickles?"

Thanatos walked over to Mario and threw Dark Pit out of the way again. "I believe you owe me two bucks."

"Two bucks?!"

"Your guarantee." Thanatos pointed to the menu where in small writing was the words "Money Back Guarantee".

"Oh. That. Well, can't we talk about this?"

"No."

"How about a discount on restroom tokens?"

"Afraid not."

"How about a free glass of water? A dozen free glasses of water! I'll even put ice in it!" Thanatos walked out of the restaurant with the money. "No! Come back! Two dollars! Two dollars, no! No!"

"Mr. Mario, I know I put the pickles in that Smash Burger."

"That two bucks is comin' out of your paycheck!"

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Mario grabbed Pit and threw him into the kitchen.

"Get back to work, we got orders waitin'!"

"I need a Smash Burger." Dark Pit said.

"Okay, I am not gonna blow it this time. Let's see. Bun down. Then ketchup, then mustard, then pickles? No! That's not right! Bun down. Mustard, then ketchup, lettuce, then the pickles? No! Mustard down, bun stuff down d'oh, where's the burger go? Pickles, ketchup, wait! Think! Think! I'm losin' it! Bun down, shoe, mustard, pan, bun...no! Mr. Mario, I am so confused. I can't remember how to do anything."

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off?"

"Oh, no, Mr. Mario. Who will make the Smash Burgers?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. We've got Dark Pit."

"Huh?"

"Mr. Mario is right. I need to get my head straight. Now is it bun, patty, ketchup..." Pit looked up to see that the door wasn't there. "The door! The door! Mr. Mario, the front door is missing!" Mario opened the door a couple feet away. "Oh. Sorry about that, Mr. Mario. This pickle thing has got my head all messed up. I better go on home and rest my brain. Uhh, which way do I live?" Mario pointed down the path. "Of course."

* * *

"No, no! Was it bun, burger, bun...Let's see, tomatoes, pickles, bun? No. Bun? No. Bun? No. Shoe? I am so confused! Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get my head on straight."

Later that night, Pit headed over to bed. "Oh...was it mattress, mattress, sheets, pillow, then Pit? Or...D'oh...think, Pit! Oh yeah! It was mattress, Pit, mattress, then sheets, pillow." He then lay down between the two mattresses. "Good night, Mew."

"Meow."

"Aw, this isn't right." Pit then stood up upside down on the bed. "Good night, Mew."

"Meow."

"Wait, this isn't right either." Pit continued to do wrong things all through the night until morning, when the alarm clock rang. "Aww, I almost had it! Alarm clock. D'oh, how do I turn this thing off? Think, think, think, think!"

"Meow."

"Mew!" Pit then took Mew and placed him on top of the alarm clock.

* * *

Back at the Smash Burger, black smoke came from the kitchen as Dark Pit put it out with a fire extinguisher. "Burgers are done." Mario looked over at the burnt burgers and groaned in irritation.

"Hey, he burnt my Smash Burger." Falco said.

"He burnt my fries." Zelda added.

"He burnt my shake." Sonic said as the customers started to walk out.

"No! Come back! No! No! Urrgh...I gotta get Pit back!"

* * *

"Pit? Pit?" Mario headed inside Pit's house to see that everything was completely out of place. Even the background music was playing in reverse.

Pit then walked in with a pair of underwear on his head. "Mr. Mario, hello. Do you how do?"

"Why you talkin' funny, lad?"

"I anything can't do right since because pickles."

"Nonsense, you'll be back makin' Smash Burgers like your old self in no time!"

"I think don't ready back to go to work, Mr. Mario."

"But you're fine, my boy!" Pit walked right through the kitchen door. "Ohh...uhh, well...maybe not. All we need to do is get your confidence back. So, you can make me more money! I-I-I mean, burgers."

"I how do that?"

"It's like riding a bike. You never forget!" Mario then saw that a bike was being cooked in a pan. "Uhh...I'm gonna help ya!"

* * *

"If you learn to make a Smash Burger again, your life will be back in order." Mario said as he placed a mat with ingredients on the floor.

"Mr. Mario, I don't know if I..."

"Take your time." Pit thought for a moment and then picked up a bun, but then put it back down.

"No, no, no, no, no." Pit continued thinking for several days and nights, until something finally came to him. "I got it! I got it! It's all very clear to me now, Mr. Mario!"

"It is?"

"Yes! I finally realize that I can't do it! I can't do it, Mr. Mario! I'm a failure!"

"Don't talk like that!"

"Don't you get it, you cheapskate? I can't make a Double Smash Burger with the works! I can't put a burger on a bun, with lettuce, cheese, onions, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, pickles, and top bun together in that order!" Pit looked in his hand and saw that he had done exactly what he said.

"It's time."

Pit and Mario headed back to the Smash Burger. Pit pushed Dark Pit out of the kitchen and put out the burning flames.

"Hey, Pit's back!" A crowd of customers gathered around the restaurant, and rushed inside.

"I hear Pit is back!"

Pit stepped out of the kitchen. "I'm right here, Thanatos."

"I thought I ran you out of town."

"This is where I belong!" Thanatos then gave some kind of growl. "Rawr." The crowd gasped as the two of them glared at each other.

"Give me the regular. And this time, don't forget the pickles.

Pit rushed into the kitchen and came back with a burger in an instant. "I didn't."

Thanatos took the burger and took a bite. "Hmm...Still no pickles! See?" He stuck out his tounge to show the chewed up burger, and everyone groaned in disgust. "You failed again, Pit the Loser!"

"Wait a minute!" Pit grabbed Thanatos's tounge and pulled it out. "Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!"

"And there's the pickles from last time too!"

"And there's my car keys!" Zelda added.

"And...there's my ride!" Thanatos then ran out of the restaurant.

"Three cheers for the return of our master fry cook, Pit! Hip hip..."

"Hooray!" Everyone cheered except for Dark Pit, who sounded less enthusiastic.

"Hip hip..."

"Whoop-de-doo."

"Hip hip..."

"Oh, boy."

"And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place when I was gone: Pittoo! Hip hip..."

"Boo!"

"Hip hip..."

"Boo!

"Hip hip..."

"Boo!"

"Hip hip..."

"BOO! YOU STINK!"


	27. Artist Unknown

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 27: Artist Unknown

* * *

"Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Mr. Dark Pit, Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Smashville. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image and I'll go down in history, someday. And there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world."

"Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down." The janitor Snake groaned.

"Uncultured trash. 9 a.m. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer." Dark Pit went over and opened the front doors. "Welcome to art class!"

"Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry." Link muttered as everyone walked away, except for one person.

"Hi, Pittoo! Are you taking this art class, too?"

"Pit-stain? In art class? Wait! This is cooking! Come back! You gotta be kidding."

Pit laughed. "This is great! You and me in school together. So, where's the teacher?"

"You're looking at him."

"You are the teacher? To my pupil? This isn't art class, it's Heaven."

"Yeah. Grab a little piece of Heaven and let's get with it."

"I'm ready, Mr. Pittoo."

"So, you wanna be an artist, eh, Pit?"

"Yes, please."

"Well, art is not all fun and games. It's a lot of hard..." Dark Pit dropped a huge stack of books in front of Pit's desk. "...work. Ok. First, repeat after me: I have no talent."

"I have no talent."

"Mr. Dark Pit has all the talent."

"Mr. Pittoo has all the talent."

"If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Dark Pit's talent will rub off on me."

"If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his feathers on my art."

"Whatever. Ok. Since you're telling me you have no prior training, we'll have to start from square one. Or should I say circle one." Dark Pit drew a crooked circle and laughed. "Am I going to fast for you, Pit?"

"How's this, Pittoo?"

"What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process."

"Well, first I draw this head. Then I erase some of the more detailed features, and one, two, three. A circle, uhh, thingy."

"Gimme that. Forget the circles." Dark Pit took the paper and crumpled it up.

"Ooh, nice one Pittoo. Let me try. Looky, Pittoo. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom."

"Gimme that." Dark Pit took the paper and ripped it. "There is nothing artistic about leapfrog. What are you doing now?"

"I call it: Rippy Bits. You take a bunch of old ripped up paper, and make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time."

"Do you want to learn art or not?"

"I'm sorry, Pittoo, I'll listen."

"Alright, Pit, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within." Dark Pit hit the marble with his tools and it broke into pieces.

"How's this, Pittoo?" Pit asked as he showed him his wonderful sculpture.

"It's beautiful! I mean, this isn't a sculpture. A good sculpture takes...more time. You want just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules. Otherwise, you'll never get pass Amateur Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong." Dark Pit placed a big, fat nose on the statue. "There, now it's art."

"Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Pittoo. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shoved your lessons. I'll never be a great artist like you! I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence. I don't even deserve to use your doors!" Pit crawled over to the front doors, and they suddenly burst open, causing him to get thrown out the window and into a dumpster. "But I did deserve that." The dumpster's lid then shut. "I deserved that, too." A garbage truck then came and emptied out the dumpster and drove away. "And I deserve this!"

"Good day, sir."

"Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late."

"Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name is Wario."

"The world famous art collector?"

"The one and only."

"Well, what are you doing here?"

"I'm on a shopping spree. Buying art for my new museum."

"Your search is over. I am Smashville's greatest artiste. I call this one: Kuro en repose."

"I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection."

"Why not?"

"Because, it's an art collection."

"How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash."

"More like: Belongs in the Trash."

"Sorry. I must've missed that one." Snake took the painting and threw it in the trash.

"Maybe I should be...huh? What is that?"

"Wait,wait. That's not uh..."

"Angelic form, amazing detail, perfect censorship. This is the work of a true genius. Hello? What's this? This is the only flaw." Wario took off the big nose. "Ah, that's more like it. I simply must find the artist responsible. He shall have fame."

"Fame." Dark Pit imagined himself being famous.

"Fortune."

"Fortune." He now imagined himself in a tub full of money.

"Anything his heart desires."

"Anything?" Dark Pit imagined himself with crazy hair. "It's me. It's me. I'm responsible."

"I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums. I'm gonna make you, immortal! Now, uh, help me get this in the car."

"I could use a little help." The sculpture's head then fell off and turned into dust. "My fame, my fortune, my hair."

"Well, that's a bit of bad luck right there. But, this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. You can whip up another one."

"Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that will really know your socks off?"

"Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks."

"Yeah, no socks. Ok, see you tomorrow. Bye. I gotta find Pit!" Dark Pit headed over to the dump. "Pit...Pit? Pit!"

"Go away, Pittoo. I don't deserve your kindness."

"Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance. Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible."

"Don't look at me, Pittoo. Don't look at my shame. These hands weren't meant to create. They only destroy. I can't look at them."

"Aww, c'mon Pit. You've got yourself a pair of little dandies here. With my help, we'll turn them into tools of beauty."

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wow. Really?"

"Let's go."

"Pittoo, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!"

"Gimme that." The two of them headed back to the classroom. "Ok, Pit. Just do what you did before."

"I...can't!"

"Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle again."

"I did it, Pittoo." Pit showed him a drawing of a crooked circle.

"Huh? But, but, what about the head...and the erasing, and the, the..."

"I don't know, Pittoo. That's stuff's not in the book."

"Uhh...How about this, huh? Remember?" Dark Pit asked as he showed Pit the crumpled up paper.

"That's not in the book, either."

"Forget about the book." Dark Pit took the book and ripped it. "Ha! Look at all this mess Pit-stain. What do all these little bits of paper make you want to do?"

"Wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it. Ta-da!" Pit put the whole book back together.

"Ok, Pit. Let's just move onto the marble."

"First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept."

"Now you've got it."

"I've gotta embrace the marble!"

"Right."

"I've gotta sniff the marble!"

"Well, uh, ok."

"I've gotta lick the marble!"

"Uhh..."

"I've gotta wash the marble! I've gotta date the marble! I've gotta be the marble! I've got it! I have seen the sculpture within."

"Here you go, buddy."

"With this tool, I shall give birth to art."

"Oh, boy."

Pit tapped the tool on the marble and it broke to pieces. "But, one more thing." He put a big, fat nose on the pile of dust. "There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Pittoo? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in." Dark Pit completely lost it at that point, and started to destroy everything. "It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Pittoo. Oh, well, back to the dump." Pit ran right through the wall and down the road back to the dump just as Wario came back.

"I'm here for the...what the? Who is responsible for this?"

"As of now, it's his responsibility." Dark Pit took his hat and placed it on Snake's head. "Good day to you, sir."

Wario looked at the absolutely beautiful sculpture that Dark Pit had unknowingly created. "You sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!"


	28. No Free Rides

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 28: No Free Rides

* * *

Here we are again at the Smashville Driving School. Today is once again the day of Pit's driving school exam. But more importantly this is the last test for the year, and if Pit does not pass this one, it could mean another whole year of DRIVING SCHOOL!

Pit was driving around the driving school like crazy, until he eventually ran over the narrator.

"What happened?" Pit asked Palutena.

"Oh nothing, Pit. You just struck another pedestrian. Minus 20 more points."

"How many does that leave me with?"

"Negative 224."

"How many more minutes left in the test?"

"The test is over."

"That's enough time! I can make up those points!"

"No, Pit! You didn't hear me! It's too late, Pit!" Palutena screamed as Pit backed up the car, knocking over several traffic cones, going through a wall and eventually crashing right into the front of the school.

"Ok, Lady Palutena. What's my final score?"

"Six."

"Whoo! And how many do I need to pass?"

"Six."

Pit started to slowly raise his arms. "Whoooooooo-"

"Hundred."

"What?"

"Six hundred. You need six hundred to pass. You got six."

"Don't worry, I'll be all right, Lady Palutena. Besides, this means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year!" Pit announced as he slammed his fist down, causing a part of the motor to fly upward. "Well, see you next Tuesday!" Pit walked away just as the motor landed on Palutena's head. "Yeah! I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super-duper year! One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year!"

 _'Oh, Zeus. Another year with him? I've got to do something to save myself. Oh, there's only one way out: a teacher's ace in the hole!'_ Palutena thought of something that would get Pit out of her class. "Extra crediiiiit!"

"What was that, Lady Palutena?"

Palutena ran over to Pit and shook him wildly. "Extra credit, Pit! The extra credit!" She laughed maniacally. "I still have a chance! I mean, you still have a chance."

"What's extra credit?"

"It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before." Palutena explained, and Pit sung in awe.

* * *

"Now, are we ready for that extra credit?" Palutena asked as Pit were inside the classroom.

"Extra credit!"

"That's the spirit. So all you have to do to earn your extra credit and pass my class and never have to go anywhere near this school again, is to write a 10-word sentence on what you've learned in driving school."

"But I've learned so many things."

"Just pick one, I don't care which. Here, I'll help you get started. 'What I learned in driving school is...' There! That's already seven words! Only three more!"

"L...e...a...r..." Pit was slowly writing on the paper, when his pencil snapped. "Oh, crud."

"What's wrong?"

"Got to sharpen my pencil." Pit went over to the pencil sharpener and started to sharpen it, checking several times to see if it was sharp enough. Once he was content, he went back to his desk. "N...e..." Pit then got back up to sharpen his pencil again, and at that point Palutena was already starting to lose her patience.

"Give me that! Here's a pen."

"A pen! One of the most permanent of all writing utensils. Gonna write an essay, that's what I say." Pit headed back to his desk and finished writing his sentence. "There."

"Fantastic, let me see it."

"No, wait! I changed my mind!"

"I'm sure whatever you've written is fine, just let me see."

Pit jumped on top of his paper to try to cover it up. "Don't look! It's not ready!"

"It's so simple, only ten words! What I learned in driving school is...blankity...blankity...blank!" Palutena exclaimed, looking like she was about to go insane.

"I can do this! I can do this!"

"What I learned in driving school is...! What I learned in driving school is...!"

"I can do this! I can do this!" Pit then started to pant. "Is it hot in here, Lady Palutena?! Why is it so hot in here?!" Pit suddenly screamed as he grasped his wrist. "My hand! My hand! It's cramping, Lady Palutena! Make it stop!"

Palutena jumped on top of Pit to force him into writing on the paper. "You only need three...more...WORDS!" The desk then broke, causing them both to tumble to the floor. "Okay, let me see what you've written." Palutena got up and reached for the paper.

"It's not done yet!" Pit grabbed onto the paper and they both started to tug on it.

"It's okay, Pit. Show the teacher what you wrote."

"No!"

"Give it to me!"

"No!"

"Let me see it!" The paper then ripped in half. They briefly looked at their ripped halves, and then Palutena grabbed Pit's half and tried to read both pieces. "What I learned in driving school is...uhh..." She looked at the paper and saw that several words were scribbled out and there were several doodles. "W-Well...the rest doesn't matter! You pass!" Palutena laughed. "You pass!"

"Lady Palutena, I don't feel like I really did anything."

"That's what extra credit is supposed to feel."

"Really?"

"Besides, here's your license." Palutena handed Pit his driver's license.

"My license!" Pit licked his license. "It tastes just like I dreamt it would. Lady Palutena, I-"

"Thank you, Pit. Congratulations, and have a nice life!" Palutena said quickly as she hastily pushed Pit out of the school.

"Look out, Smashville! There's a new driver on the road and his name is...Pit!"

Pit's name echoed through Palutena's head, and she then proceeded to have a vision of him driving around like a maniac, running over several people and eventually causing destruction all throughout Smashville.

"So much destruction. This reporter asks, why? Local consensus places the blame on this negligent, selfish driving instructor who-" The news reporter was suddenly run over by Pit. "Let's...not...use that take."

Palutena snapped out of her vision and shook her head. "That's preposterous. He did the extra credit. There's no need to worry. He doesn't even have a car to drive."

* * *

Later that night, Palutena headed back home. "Now to go home and have the rest of that pasta." She opened her front door and was meet with Pit, along with his parents (who are my Kid Icarus OCs) Amber and Polemius standing in her living room with a large cake.

"Surprise!"

"To the greatest teacher ever!"

"Thank you, Lady Palutena. I know I speak for everyone when I say that we consider you a member of the angel family." Polemius went over to Palutena and kissed her hand for a long time.

"I think you made your point, dear." Amber reminded him.

"Ahem." Polemius blushed and walked back over to his wife and son. "Lady Palutena, we were starting to think Pit was never going to get his license. But you never gave up on him, you never quit, you never took the easy way out!"

"Well, I...okay."

"We wanted to make sure Lady Palutena, the greatest driving teacher in the world, was here to see this." Amber said.

"See what?"

"Ta-da!" Polemius pulled a sheet to reveal that underneath it was a new car. "IM-RDY."

"A new car?!" Pit and Palutena gasped.

"For me?" Pit asked as he fainted onto the cake.

* * *

"Don't worry, Lady Palutena. He'll be driving by tomorrow!" Amber waved goodbye as they drove off with Pit still passed out in the back seat.

"What have I done?! Everyone will know I let him slide through school! I'll have to move to a new city, start a new driving school with a new name! No. Not again. I've got to end this before it begins."

* * *

"You took quite a buster there, son." Polemius commented as Pit was lying in his bed.

"What I learned in driving school today is!"

"We're gonna have to hold off on the driving there for a while, son."

"That's right, honey. Now, just stay in bed, and no going near the car!" Amber gave her son a goodnight kiss and as soon as she and Polemius left, Pit snuck out of bed and out the window to get over to his new car.

"Hi, Carry." Pit touched his car and gasped. "Carry, you're cold!" He took off his scarf and placed it on the side of the door. "Take my scarf. Oh Carry, I'm always going to take care of you. You're the best car in the whole wide world!" Pit kissed the throttle lever and then fell asleep inside the car.

Moments later, a mysterious figure emerged from the shadows. The figure was wearing a black dress, black gloves that almost went up to their elbows, and a ski mask covering their face. The figure's long hair was also entirely colored black, and she headed over to the car and got in it.

"I hope I still remember how to do this." Palutena took out a balloon and made it into a balloon animal. "Oh yeah..." She then started the car and began to drive it away, but little did Palutena know, she was not alone.

Pit woke up to see that the sky was moving. "Hey, I'm driving!" It was right at that moment when he and Palutena noticed each other, and they screamed. "Who are you and what are you doing in my car?! And why are you wearing that ski mask?! Because you're not skiing!" Pit gasped. "Oh my gosh, I know who you are!"

"No, you don't! You don't know who I am!"

"Yes, I do! I know that you're...a car-jacker! I never thought I'd have to use this pepper spray!" Pit pulled out a bottle of pepper and ended up spraying it into his eyes. "SOMEBODY HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" He screamed as Palutena kicked him out of the car.

"Sorry Pit, but it's for your own good." Palutena then noticed Pit running right next to the car, when he was actually riding his bike. She then started to speed up to try to lose him.

"Give me back my car!" Pit then grabbed onto the back end of the car. He grabbed onto it with both hands as Palutena swerved several times to try to get him off. "You better stop this car!" Palutena then slammed on the breaks and Pit fell to the ground, but he was still holding on. "I'm...not...letting...go! Nothing will stop me! Not even..." He gasped when he noticed a warning sign. "Giant crabs?!" The car then drove through a field filled with giant crabs, and Pit got out with some still latched onto him. "I'm...not...letting go. Not even for..." He gasped again as another warning sign approached. "Chainsaws?! No!" The car then drove through a field filled with chainsaws and by the time Pit got out, many feathers were missing from his wings and his clothes were torn. "If you think I'll let go for a little..." Pit then saw the most horrifying sign of them all. "EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION?! OH, NO!"

Palutena looked behind herself as she heard Pit's screams. "Looks like that got rid of him. Now for some tunes." She then turned on the radio.

"And now back to K.R.U.D. with all of your personal "you won't get away with stealing my car!" hits." Palutena noticed that it was Pit's voice coming from the radio and screamed as he burst out of the radio and jumped on her, causing them to get into a huge brawl as the car started to go out of control. Fox and Falco watched the scene unfold from their police car.

"Hey, look." Falco pointed out. Suddenly, the car flew right off a cliff and was heading right towards them. Fox and Falco screamed and held onto each other for dear life as Pit and Palutena continued to fight in the car.

"I'd never let you steal this car! Not even if you were..." Pit ripped off the mask and gasped when he saw who it really was. "Lady Palutena?" He then started to flap his lips in disbelief just as the car crash-landed onto the police car.

* * *

"So, how's it going, Lady Palutena?" Pit asked on the phone as he was visiting Palutena in jail.

"Uh, Pit? I'd like to...apologize. I never should have passed you. You really weren't ready."

"So, I guess I got to give my license back, huh?"

"I hear a new teacher is starting a new class Monday morning."

"You kidding? You're the only teacher for this student. And besides, the warden said she'll let you go early if you do her a favor."

"What's that?"

"Free driving lessons!" Pit laughed.


	29. Just One Bite

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 29: Just One Bite

* * *

"Here you go, sir. A King-Size Ultra Smash Supreme with the works, double batter fried on a stick." Dark Pit said as he gave Link his food.

"Thanks!"

"Barnaclehead."

"Pardon me?"

"You forgot your mayonnaise."

"Thanks."

"Look at them eating that garbage." Dark Pit muttered as he watched Link eat his burger and squirt mayonnaise into his mouth. "It's disgusting. They're sickening. I hate Smash Burgers."

"Good one, Pittoo." Pit laughed from behind the window.

"Good what?"

"Like you don't know. Saying, 'I hate Smash Burgers.' That's hilarious! Everyone loves Smash Burgers."

"Yeah, well, not me."

"You're good at that. Hey everyone! Pittoo says he doesn't like Smash Burgers!" Pit hollered as everyone laughed.

"Don't encourage them! They'll never leave."

"Sorry Pittoo, it's just so funny. You know what we say."

A bunch of random people then came out of nowhere. "The only people who don't like a Smash Burger have never tasted one!"

"That's me. Never had one, never will."

Pit flipped a burger through the ceiling upon hearing that. "What?"

"What?"

"What? What did you say?"

"I've never had a Smash Burger and I never will."

"I'm sorry...I don't..."

"I've never had a Smash Burger." Dark Pit repeated.

"Those words. Is it possible to use them in a sentence together like that?" Pit asked as he pulled out a dictionary.

"I've never had a Smash Burger! I've never had a Smash Burger! I've never had a Smash Burger!"

"Never had a Smash Burger?! Well, you've got to have one right now!" Pit ran out of kitchen holding a burger. "No wonder you're always so miserable! Here, try this."

Dark Pit slapped the burger out of Pit's hands. "Get that garbage outta my face!"

"If you try it, you'll love it!"

"Try one of those radioactive sludge-balls you call food? Next I suppose you'll want me to go square dancing with Kirby."

Kirby then appeared right next to Pit dressed like a cowboy. "Sorry, Kirby." Pit whispered, and Kirby sighed sadly as he walked away. "Come on, you're gonna-"

"No!"

"Open up the tunnel, here comes the train. Choo-Choo..."

"No!"

"Whoop! What's that in your ear?" Pit reached out from behind Dark Pit's ear and pulled out a burger.

"Quit it."

"Come on, open wide!"

"Pit-stain, if I were trapped at the bottom of a well for three years, with nothing to eat but that Smash Burger, I'd eat my own legs first." Dark Pit walked out from behind the counter.

"But it's good for you!"

"G-Good for you?! That thing is a heart attack on a bun!"

"No Pittoo, I meant...good for your soul."

"Oh pu-lease! I have no soul." Dark Pit scoffed as the background turned to fire with evil laughter. He then walked off feeling a little creeped out.

"Okay, just half."

"No."

"A quarter?"

"No."

"One bite?"

"No." Dark Pit entered the bathroom where Pit was inside a stall door holding the burger.

"Just smell it."

"If I didn't want it out here, what makes you think I'd find it more appealing in here?!" Dark Pit slammed the stall door, and then went to washing dishes. A Pit made out of bubbles appeared from the sink.

"Come on, Pittoo."

"No." All of the bubble popped, including the burger. He was then putting money in the cash register when Pit popped out with coins on his head.

"One bite."

"No." Dark Pit shut the cash register and then went to take out the trash. Pit then popped out of the trash.

"You won't be sorry."

"No!" Dark Pit slammed the trash bag on Pit, and then turned around to see him right behind him.

"It's delicious..."

"Listen Pit-stain, how long are you prepared to keep this up?" Dark Pit then looked and saw that Pit was handcuffed to him. "Give me that! When I die, you stay away from my funeral." He looked at the burger as juice spilled out. "Oh...do I really?" Dark Pit slowly began to move his mouth towards the burger and took a very small bite out of it. He slowly swallowed it and smiled as Pit's eyes turned into hearts. "Why...this Smash Burger may be the most...horrible! Putrid! Poorly prepared! Vile! Unappetizing excuse for a sandwich, that has ever been my displeasure to have slither down my throat!" Dark Pit said angrily as the hearts in Pit's eyes exploded.

"But-"

"And I curse this Smash Burger, and all who enjoy them, to an early and well deserved grave!" Dark Pit threw the burger on the ground and stepped on it, and then slammed a tombstone on top of it. "Get it?"

"But, it doesn't make any sense. The Smash Burger is an absolute good. Nobody is immune to its tasty charms."

"Nobody but me."

"Are you sure?"

"Does this look unsure to you?" Dark Pit asked as he pointed at his grimacing face.

"No."

"Good! Now go spread the word!" Pit's eyes welled up with tears as he headed back inside. As soon as he shut the door, Dark Pit gasped and dug around for the burger. "Come on! Come on! Come on! Ah, still alive!" He shoved the sand covered burger in his mouth. "Oh, soooo delicious! Oh, all the wasted years! I gotta have more I gotta have more!" Dark Pit ran back to the Smash Burger but stopped when he reached for the door. "But wait!" He looked through the window where Pit was grilling. "After that performance, he'd never let me live it down! I gotta sneak just one. Just one, then...I'm off the stuff for good!"

"I didn't think it was possible, but I guess some people just don't like Smash Burgers."

"Uhh, Pit-stain?"

"Yes, Pittoo?"

"I need a Triple Smash Supreme on a wheat bun with-with extra pickles and, and burn it to a crisp, okay?"

"Coming right up! Listen, Pittoo. I want to apologize for before. I was only trying to make you happy. But I guess deep down inside, I was trying to make myself happy, but now I've learned there's room for all kinds of people in this crazy old..." Dark Pit licked his lips as Pit continued talking. "...and they all don't have to like the same things." The steam from the burger went up and kissed Dark Pit on the nose.

"Don't go..."

"And while I strongly disagree with your decision, I accept it." Dark Pit tried to take a bite out of the newly prepared burger, but Pit took it away, causing his face to fall onto the grill. "You know, it's not often I get to make one like this. I want to see the look on their face when they take that first bite." Pit walked out of the kitchen just as Dark Pit lifted his burnt face from the grill. "Triple Smash Supreme! Triple Smash Supreme! Did somebody order a Triple Smash Supreme? Huh, they must've left."

"Well, why don't you just, uh, leave it out here, in case they come back."

"Noooope, a Smash Burger this special should be eaten fresh, and...well...I haven't had one of these babies in over twenty minutes, so..." Pit ate the burger in one bite right in front of Dark Pit. "Well, whoever they were, they had great taste! Ahh, they don't know what they're missing. Well, back to work!"

"What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage?"

"I wish I could eat this, but I'm so darn full. Oh, well." Marth shrugged as he tossed his half eaten burger in the trash.

"I had to say garbage...but, okay!" Dark Pit ran over to the garbage can and ate everything in the trash. He then lifted his head up and saw that the burger was the only thing left in the trash. Pit then ran over and grabbed the burger.

"Oh no, what's this doing here?! This burger should be cremated!" Pit went over and threw the burger in the furnace and cried just as Dark Pit walked up. "I know you didn't like him, but...it means so much that you came." Pit ran off as Dark Pit started crying.

* * *

Later that night, Dark Pit was sitting in his chair still crying when there was a sudden knock on the door. He went over and saw that it was a giant Smash Burger. He then proceeded to have dinner with the burger, marrying it, and even having a kid with it.

"Hmm, honey..." Dark Pit opened his eyes and realized that it was just a dream. "What? Oh...I have got to get my hands on a Smash Burger! And no one's gonna stop me!" He ran out of his house panting, but slowly tiptoed past Pit's house, and then frantically ran to the Smash Burger. "There it is!" Dark Pit looked through the window and saw the burger vault. He went over and opened the vault to reveal hundreds of burgers. "I don't know where to start." He picked up a burger from the vault. "All that matters is that it's just you...and me...and nobody..."

"Pittoo?" Dark Pit's face fell when he saw Pit. "Is that you?"

"Pit-stain? Uh, uh, uh...what are you doing here?" Dark Pit asked nervously as he pointed at Pit with the burger in his hand, and quickly hid it behind his back.

"I always come to work at 3 a.m. This is when I count the sesame seeds. What are you doing here?"

"Uhh, I forgot my..."

"And why is the burger vault open?"

"Oh, I thought that..."

"And why are you holding a behind your back?"

"I...I...I..no, I didn't do..."

"And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry? And..." Pit stopped for a moment, and then made a smug face when he realized something.

"No, no, wait! It's not what you think. Th-This is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me! Listen, I am telling you! You better believe me, Pit-stain!"

"You like Smash Burgers, don't you Pittoo?" Pit asked smugly, and then Dark Pit slammed the door to the burger vault.

"Yes! Yes! I admit it, Pit-stain! I love Smash Burgers!"

"I knew it all along, Pittoo. No one can resist a Smash Burger!" Dark Pit then started to eat dozens of burgers at a time. "Pittoo! How many are you eating? Pittoo!" Dark Pit just ignored him and continued to eat his heart out. "Pittoo, you can't eat all those burgers at one time! Pittoo!"

"What's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up?"

"No, worse! It'll go right to your thighs!"

"My thighs?" Dark Pit asked as he looked down at his now enlarged thighs.

"And then you'll blow up!" The Smash Burger then exploded, and Dark Pit was in an ambulance with his head on a bench and the rest of his body in a bucket.

"Yeah, I remember my first Smash Burger." Dr. Mario laughed.


	30. I Had an Accident

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 30: I Had an Accident

* * *

Kirby screamed as he was flying on his snowboard, and then crashed into a mountain.

"Aww, I got dead again! This game stinks!" Kirby hit a rock and screamed as he flew and crashed into a mountain.

"See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain." Viridi sighed.

"I'm listening to you, mountain!" Pit started to snowboard down the mountain. "Don't eat the yellow snow, Kirby."

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Kirby ate some yellow snow on a plate.

"Hey Viridi, watch me do the 'Grouchy Pittoo'."

"Stop naming moves after me!"

"Everybody's an idiot except for me." Pit grumbled as he imitated Dark Pit.

"Well, it's true."

Pit laughed like Dark Pit, and Kirby and Viridi laughed with him. Viridi suddenly stopped laughing and gasped. "Pit! Look out for that tree!"

"Huh?" Pit quickly avoided the tree. "Don't worry guys, everything is under control because I'm an expert!" He hit a log and and suddenly stopped in mid-air. "Huh, that's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down!" Pit was actually the one that was upside down and he screamed as he started to fall.

"Pit! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!" Viridi called out.

Pit turned himself right-side up. "Like this?"

"No, your other bottom!" Kirby called out.

"Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"

"Not until 4."

Pit landed right on his bottom, and he lay on the ground in pain. "Ooh, that's gotta hurt!"

"Do it again! I wasn't looking!"

* * *

"Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery." Dr. Mario said.

"My what has a what now?" Pit asked.

"Your butt's all better. It's really quite amazing. It took 20 hours to put it all back together. We actually ran out of staples and we had to use a glue stick. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky luck boy. But from now on, I'd like you to be more careful. One more injury like that and you could wind up like that poor guy there. In the Iron Butt."

"Aww, man. It itches!" Link moaned.

* * *

"You heard the doctor, Pit. One more injury like that, then it's the Iron Butt! I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on around the clock butt patrol. Stay away from the backside I'm warning you!"

"What's your problem?" Falco asked.

"Whew. That was close!"

"Hey , why don't you join us?" Captain Falcon asked. "We need an extra player. Nice catch, Mac!" He slapped Little Mac's bottom, and Pit yelped as he held his butt.

"Hey, Pit!" Pit screamed as he turned around to see Shulk. "You've gotta try this, dude! We finally got enough people for a seven-mile spanking machine!" He crawled between the people's legs, and they each took turns spanking his butt.

"No!" Pit screamed as he ran away.

"Is this where the line starts?" Dark Pit asked.

"My butt is not safe out here!" Pit ran inside his house and closed the door. "No part of me is safe!"

"Hey, Pit!"

Kirby continued laughing as he and Viridi entered Pit's house. She glared at him and got off her back. "That was fun."

"Hey Pit, ready to go snowboarding again? Pit?"

Pit sat in the middle of the floor with a penny, potato chip, and a wadded-up napkin. "Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world?"

"Whatcha all doing in the middle of the floor like that?"

"Oh, living out the remainder of my life, in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I simply decided that I'm never leaving my house again."

"That's crazy talk!"

"That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk!" Kirby started speaking in gibberish and blabbing, until Viridi smacked him in the head. "Sorry."

"No, Kirby's right, Viridi. You saw what happened and next time it won't just be my butt, it'll be my armpit of my forehead."

"Or your other armpit!"

"I was wrong to go against nature. I'm an angel. What was I thinking? Walking...my people are sedentary."

"Just sitting in your house? Aren't you gonna get lonesome?" Viridi asked.

"I won't be alone, so I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Penny, and Chip, and say hello to Used Napkin."

"How are you gonna keep your job at the Smash Burger?"

"No problem!" Pit grabbed the end of a spatula that reached all the way from his house to the Smash Burger. "A really long spatula."

"Pit, sooner or later you're gonna have to go outside!"

"Listen, I've told you but I'm never leaving my house again."

"Never ever?" Kirby asked.

"Never ever ever!"

"Never ever ever ever ever for never ever?!"

"Never ever never never ever ever never!"

"Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!"

Pit sighed in slight exasperation. "Never ever... Alright Kirby, that is enough! Chip, will you mind showing these two to the door?" Pit threw Chip towards the door and it opened.

"Thank you, Chip." Kirby and Viridi left Pit's house. "I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Pittoo!"

"No!" Dark Pit shouted as he closed his window.

"Oh."

"Don't worry Kirby, we'll get Pit to come outside, and then he'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of."

"And that's when I punch him, right?" Kirby asked, and Viridi gave him a bummed look.

* * *

"Look at all the Metroids out here! Too bad Pit's missing out on all the fun!"

Kirby caught a Metroid with his net. "I caught one!" He put his head in the new and the Metroid latched onto his head.

"Look at those fools. Risking their lives, catching Metroids! My new hobby is much more safer, isn't it, Chip? Dust collecting!" Pit put on a pair of glasses and waved a tiny net around. "I think I caught one!"

"We've got to try something else!"

"Three cheers on your birthday, Pit! Three cheers for you!" Kirby and Viridi sang.

"Now you got to blow out the candles and make a wish."

"I don't need a wish, Penny. Everything I could ever want is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the joys of staying indoors. I know a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charms. Indoors! Indoors! Indoors!" Pit sang. "Take it away, Penny!"

"That penny has the most beautiful voice." Kirby sniffed.

"That is it, Pit! We're gonna find you something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside! Trampoline!"

"Ice cream!"

"Surfing!"

"Two ice creams!"

"Ferris Wheel!"

"Still two ice creams!"

"Wrestling!"

"Washing an old person!"

"Kirby, that's not fun."

"It is for me!" Tortimer said.

Kirby and Viridi saw that Pit still wasn't moving. "Nothing's working, Kirby!"

"What do we do?"

"I say we take a bath!" Tortimer suggested.

"Wha? Will you get out of here?"

* * *

Viridi and Kirby hid behind a bush with Kirby in a gorilla suit. "Now remember. Don't jump out until I give the signal!"

"Right!"

"Alright, Pit. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Kirby!" Kirby came out in the gorilla suit and started to act crazy. "Eek! A gorilla! Save me, Pit!"

"Okay guys, really. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even Chip knows that's Kirby in the same costume that he wore for Halloween last year."

"No, really! You've got to come and save me!"

"Hey, Viridi. Who's your friend?" Another Kirby walked up to the two.

"But you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit."

"I am in the gorilla suit." Kirby unzipped the suit. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job."

"If you're Kirby, then who's that?" The second Kirby unzipped his head to reveal that it was a real gorilla. "A real gorilla!"

"Huh?" Pit watched in horror as the gorilla took Kirby and Viridi and stuffed them into a bag and began to beat them up. "Oh, my gosh! This can't be happening!" The gorilla continued to beat Kirby and Viridi in the sack. "This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the dangers of outside. Yes Chip, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do without the name calling, thank you very much, Used Napkin! I know, Chip. If I was out there, bagged by an ape, Kirby and Viridi would risk anything to save. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back alive Chip, take good care of Mew."

"Meow." Mew meowed as he ate Chip.

"Well, here we go. From the safety of my home, to the outside world." Pit opened the front door and slowly stepped out. "I'm taking my first step. So far, so good. I think I can do this!" A piece of paper then blew onto his face. "Oh, dear Zeus! Get off of me! Get off of me! Chip! Help me! Help me!" Dark Pit rolled his eyes as Pit pulled the paper off his face. "I'm still alive! I did it! I made it outside! Nothing can stop me now!" The gorilla then approached him. "Is it too late to go back inside again?" The gorilla grabbed Pit. "It's too late. Kirby? Viridi?"

"Yes, Pit?" Kirby and Viridi asked.

"I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore. But I'm terrified of gorillas now."

"That's okay, Pit. Us too."

"You know what I don't understand though? What's a gorilla doing here in the first place?"

Donkey Kong's eyes widened. "Oh! Well, it's funny that you should...um...uh...Rambi, they're onto us!"

A rhino then came. "Let's get outta here!" DK got on Rambi and Pit, Kirby, and Viridi as they rode off into the sunset.

A family was watching the episode on TV in bewilderment. The father gave the mother a confused look, and then turned off the television.


	31. As Seen on TV

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 31: As Seen on TV

* * *

Poochy was sniffing some flowers when Mario pulled his collar. "C'mon, Poochy. We haven't got all day. We've got to get down to my favorite restaurant. Mine. Where we're shooting our first ever commercial. After this commercial airs, we'll be swarming with customers. I can already feel myself sweating money!" Poochy barked. "No, I got Dark Pit organizing the whole thing. He's...ya know...artsy." Mario then noticed some rather expensive stuff lying around. "What the? This looks expensive. Out of my way. Coming through. Move it or lose it. Dark Pit!"

Dark Pit came down in a lift. "What?"

"What is going on?"

"We're making the commercial, Mr. Mario."

"What you're doing is throwing away my money! I told you to rent only what is absolutely necessary."

"This is all necessary."

"Then what's all this useless junk?"

"That's the useless junk for scene...28."

"Oh, well, then how do you explain that?" Mario asked as he pointed to two restaurants. "A 2nd Smash Burger?"

"Mr. Mario, everyone needs an understudy."

"Well, you got me there. But why do we need him?" Mario asked, pointing to a clown.

"This job gets very stressful, Mr. Mario."

"Alright, got lost, all of ya. You're fired. Go on, scram. Get out of here, you moochers. That's right keep moving." Everyone started to leave angrily, but then Mario stopped the clown from leaving. "Except you. You stay."

"Well, this is just great. Now we've got no crew to make the commercial."

"What are you talking about, Dark Pit? We got the cheapest crew in the world. You, me, and Pit. Speaking of which, where is the little guy?"

"I'm down here, sir." Pit's voice spoke from under the ground.

"What are you doing, lad?"

"Pittoo said I could help by burying myself!"

"Quit fooling and come on out." Mario pulled Pit out of the ground. "I need you to be in the commercial."

Pit gasped. "Me? In the Smash Burger commercial? Me!"

"But, but, but, but, but, but, but..."

"Don't throw your buts at me, Mr. Dark Pit. We got a timetable to keep. This thing airs tonight."

"Tonight?!" Pit and Dark Pit asked.

"Yup, I got a sweet deal on the prime-time slot."

 **3:28 a.m.**

"It's almost on, Mew." Pit said excitedly and Mew yawned. "Yeah, I got butterflies, too. This is the most exciting thing to happen in the history of history." A wild west show was playing on the TV, and then the Smash Burger commercial came on showing Phosphora and Dark Pit wearing a wig. "Look, Mew! It's on!"

"Oh, Jen. I've got a real problem."

"What's your problem, Amy?" Dark Pit asked in a monotonous tone.

"I've got all this money and I don't know what to do with it and I'm hungry." Suddenly, someone started to laugh. "Who's there?"

"Where's that coming from?" A cloud of purple smoke came, and a certain someone appeared.

"Yippee, it's Mr. Mario." Phosphora and Dark Pit cheered, Phosphora excitedly and Dark Pit monotonously.

"That's right, Amy. I heard all about your little problem and I'm here to help. Follow...me!" The scene then changed.

"Where are we?" Phosphora and Dark Pit asked.

"Why, we're at none other than the Smash Burger."

"Did you say Smash Burger?" Phosphora asked as the camera zoomed out to show the outside of the restaurant.

"That's right, Smash Burger. Home of the world famous..." The camera zoomed out again. "Smash Burger!"

"What's a Smash Burger?" Dark Pit asked, and Mario's jaw dropped.

"Why, it's only the most mouthwatering appetizing food in the entire world."

"There I am, Mew! There I am!" Pit exclaimed.

"We start with a fresh patty, grilled and juicy. Add some crisp veggies and cheese. Topped off with secret sauce and some buns. Voila! A Smash Burger."

"I want a Smash Burger."

"Me too." Dark Pit added.

"How do you like them burgers, girls?" Mario laughed as Phosphora and Dark Pit gave a thumbs up.

"Look Mew, there I am again. Look!" Pit exclaimed again as he pointed to the TV, where only the top of his head could be seen.

"Two more satisfied customers. So why don't you come on in, and have yourself a Smash Burger today."

"The Smash Burger: Come spend your money here!"

"That was the best 60 seconds of my life! Well, time for bed."

* * *

The next morning, Pit headed over to work. "Time to go do my favorite thing at my favorite place." He was then stopped by Tortimer.

"Hey, you!"

"Top of the morning, oldster."

"Hey! I saw you on TV last night."

"You did?"

"Yeah. You were in a commercial."

"You're right! Wow, he recognized me."

"Yup. See ya later, Bran Flakes. What a nice cereal box."

"Weren't you that guy on TV? Yes! I am that guy." Pit laughed. "How kind of you to notice. Weren't you that guy on the television last night? Yes, that was me. I..." He then ran into Robin. "Oh, please excuse me, sir."

"Oh, that's quite all right, uhh, Pit."

"Wow. I'm getting recognized all over. Why, next thing you'll know, people are going to start doing things like holding doors open for..." Pit gasped as Robin opened the door. "Why sir, I'm flattered."

"Really? I don't smell anything."

"You're on your way."

"Excuse me, sir. Can I get a napkin?" Fox asked.

"Why, of course, good sir. And next time, feel free to approach me. It most be so degrading to ask across the room. And who am I making this bad boy out to?"

"To my tail. I'll get it myself."

"T-A-I-L. There we are, darling. Hmph. Looks like shyness got the best of him."

"There you are, Pit-stain. I need you to..."

"No problem, Pittoo. I got one already made out. Enjoy." Pit gave Dark Pit a napkin.

"To my tail?" Dark Pit read, and then looked behind himself to see if he really had a tail.

"Yes, I am that guy on TV."

"Hey, look!" Ness pointed.

"Please, good people, no photos at work."

"Here's the ketchup."

"Well, maybe just one." Pit started to pose with a mop. "Another one? Okay. Limbo. And now, the, uhh...oh, I got it."

"There you are, Pit."

"Yes, pilot."

"I need you to..." Mario suddenly got hit with the mop. "...OW! Alright, boy. Get in there and scrub the head and stop acting so predictable."

"I'm so misunderstood. Alas, good people, even the brightest of stars grow weary, and I am no exception. But I will shine again after a quick break in my quarters. Stay beautiful."

"Hey, were you able to catch that guy on TV last night?" Shulk asked as he and Link entered the bathroom.

"No. How was he?"

"Well, I knew that this guy's acting was good, but his singing was phenomenal. I'm telling you, if that guy were to cut a solo record, he'd be a hit."

Pit was busy cleaning the toilets, and his eyes turned to stars. "Solo record!"

* * *

"So, if I fire him and make his successor do twice the work, and..." There was a knock on the door. "Eh, come in." Pit came into Mario's office posing like a model. "Oh, it's just you, Pit. Those heads better be beautiful."

"They are, Mr. Mario, and so is mine. And now I gotta lay something on ya, Mario Baby."

"The only thing you better lay is some burger on the grill, Fry Boy."

"Nah, I can't take that gig, Mario. That phase in my career is over. I'm an entertainer now."

"What in blazes are you talking about?"

"Come on, Mario. Let's think outside the box for a second. Commercials are old-hat. The people want music. If I could change fate I would, and I'm an entertainer deep down. A people's person. We're on the some page here, aren't we?"

Mario's eyes widened for a second. "Boy, those fumes must've gotten to your head. Borrow Dark Pit's gas mask and get right back to work."

"I knew you'd understand. Well, thanks for the start. I'm out of here." Pit snapped his fingers as he walked out of 's office, and continued to do so outside.

"Ooooooh...I've never felt such a strange combination of pity...and indigestion."

"There he is! Hey! We've been waiting for you!" Falco shouted as Pit's mouth was agape.

"Where have you been?" Zelda asked.

"How long are you gonna keep us standing here?"

"Well, Pit-stain? Are you just going to stand there like a half-wit, mouth agape? Or are you going to fill these peoples' orders?" Dark Pit asked.

"Pipe down, Pittoo. This crowd looks angry. They're not going to wait any longer. I think I better give them what they need, and fast."

"I think so too, or Mario will fire both of us." Dark Pit then grinned. "On second thought, keep 'em waiting."

"No can do, Pittoo. These people need entertainment."

"Enter-what?"

Pit grabbed a microphone. "How you doing, folks?"

"Hungry!"

"That's no problem, ladies and germs. 'Cause Pit is here to satisfy." Pit dimmed down the lights. "I'd like to call this little number 'Striped Sweater'." He then started to sing. "The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time. One with a collar, turtleneck, that's the kind. 'Cause when you're wearing..." Pit screeched as the crowd started booing. "That one...special...sweater... Pittoo, This crowd is insatiable."

"Then why don't you go back in the kitchen and grab some burgers and give them what they came here for!"

"Juggling! Thanks, Pittoo." Pit started to juggle patties while the crowd continued booing.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Lucina asked.

"They want juggling and jokes at the some time? Tough crowd."

"Oh, now what's he doing?" Falco asked, starting to get a little irritated.

"Uhh, what do you call a vampire whose car breaks down 3 miles from the blood bank? A cab!"

"We're losing our appetites!"

"Uh, okay. There's a nun, an astronaut, and a hairdryer."

"We want burgers!" The crowd yelled.

"Well, the most I can juggle is three, but the show must go on." Pit then slipped and the crowd booed as the patties flew in the air. _'My career is over. All those years clawing my way up. All the people I've stepped on. Wasted.'_ The patties then landed on the grill.

"Hey! Finally!"

"That's what we've been waiting for." Lucina said.

Pit looked at the burgers on the grill. "They seem to like it when I put this burger on the grill. I may be able to save this act, yet. Roll with it. There's more where that came from, folks." Pit put a ton of burgers on the grill and the crowd cheered. "You like that?"

"It's what we wanted all along." Falco said.

 _'It seems to be working. But how do I follow up? Buns!'_ Pit thought. "It's a stretch, but we've all got to push the envelope, sometime. Okay, folks. How do you like this?" Pit asked as he flipped the burgers into buns. "I'm breaking new ground. Time to get edgy."

"We want onions! Cheese! Yeah!" The crowd cheered.

"Ready for the grand finale?" Pit asked as he threw the burgers outside to the customers.

"Whoopee! Smash Burgers!"

"Well Pit, looks like you've finally found your calling." Mario sighed.

"I'll say. I'm so glad I gave up fry cooking for this."


	32. Pittoo's Day Off

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 32: Pittoo's Day Off

* * *

Ah, beautiful springtime. A time for fun and frolic for most, but not for this poor slob.

"Oh, what a beautiful day. And here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol." Dark Pit muttered as the bell rang. "No one ever comes in on Sunday." The bell rang again. "Why can't Mr. Mario just let us go home?" The bell rang once more. "Pit-stain, stop ringing that bell!" Dark Pit grabbed the bell and slammed it on the bottom of the window.

"I was just testing it."

Dark Pit leaned through the window to get into Pit's face. "I will ring the bell when there's an order. But there's no customers! There hasn't been one all day and there isn't gonna be any!" He picked up the register and slammed it down.

"One Smash Burger coming up!"

"No!" The register drawer shot open, knocking Dark Pit out of the way as coins fell onto the floor.

Mario was currently busy in his office when he heard the sound of coins dropping. "That sounds like my money dropping." He opened the door to his office. "What's going on out here?!" He saw that Dark Pit was picking up the coins off the floor. "My babies!" Mario ran up to Dark Pit and shoved him away. "Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice, clean money...soiled! I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way!" Mario ran into the kitchen and started washing the coins in the sink. "No, no, no, don't cry, little ones."

"What's wrong, Mr. Mario?" Pit asked. Mario got so startled that he threw his dimes into the air, one of them rolling into the sink.

"My dime!" Mario sighed a sigh of relief when the dime stopped rolling, but then it jumped up, winked, and went down the drain. "No!" He inserted his hand into the drain and grabbed the dime. "I got it, boy." Mario then tried to get his hand out, but it wouldn't budge. "What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, Pit!"

"You've gotta let go of the dime."

"I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab my plumber's quarters and heave!" Pit pulled on Mario from behind several times until he got thrown back and hit a wall, making several heavy object fall on his head. A giant bump rose on Mario's head and then a dime fell on it, finally causing him to black out.

Moments later, an ambulance came and two paramedics carried Mario out of the restaurant on a stretcher.

"Wait. Dark Pit...I'm putting you in charge of things around here while I'm gone."

"You can count on me, sir!" Dark Pit smiled as the paramedics carried Mario out and drove away. "Takes more muscles to frown than to smile." He then shut the door. "Okay Pit-stain, let's get down to business. My first official act as new manager is to give _you_ a promotion."

Pit's eyes turned to stars and he screamed. "Really?!"

"You get to run the cash register."

"The cash register...Wow! Pittoo, who's gonna work the grill?"

"You are. It's part of the promotion I mentioned earlier. You'll be wearing _two_ hats now. You're gonna take the orders and then you're gonna make them!" Dark Pit put his hat on Pit's head next to his own.

"This is the best day of my life."

"Me too."

"But wait, if I'm running the register and the grill, what are you gonna do?"

"I've got some very important boss-like errands to run. See ya later." Dark Pit started to run off towards the door.

"Pittoo!"

"What is it?"

"You forgot to teach me how to use...the cash register."

"You push the button and put the money inside. Okay, you're on your own." Dark Pit walked out as Pit hugged the cash register.

"I can't believe this is really happening!" Pit sat on the cash register box and started to tear up. "Today, I start living!"

"Well Dark Pit, you've really outdone yourself this time. A beautiful day of relaxing and pampering...with pay. Hmm...I guess I do kinda feel bad for poor little Pit-stain, all by his lonesome...Oh, oh, it'll pass. He's probably just standing at the register with that stupid grin on his face." Dark Pit imagined Pit standing at the register with a goofy look on his face as Kirby walked up, also having a dopey look.

"Hey, Pit!"

"Hey, Kirby!"

"Hey Pit, could you give me change for a quarter?"

"No problem!" Pit took the quarter and banged on the register until it opened, giving Kirby a huge pile of money. "Here ya go!"

"Thanks."

Dark Pit gasped as he came back to reality. "I forgot to tell him how to make change! Oh!" He ran back to the Smash Burger and banged open the doors. "Pit...stain." Dark Pit saw that Pit was the only one in the restaurant. He went over and checked the register to make sure everything was in there, and gave a sigh of relief.

"Hi, Pittoo. All done with those errands?"

"No, I am not. I just remembered I needed change for this dollar."

"Do you want four quarters? Or ten dimes? Or twenty nickels? Or one hundred pennies? Or one quarter, three dimes, seven nickels, and ten pennies? Or, if you give me a five dollar bill, your options are..."

"Alright, goodbye." Dark Pit muttered as he walked off.

* * *

"This is great. My day off, no worries, just relaxation." Dark Pit sighed as he set up a lawn chair, sunbathing mirror, and umbrella hat in his front yard. "I'm the boss, I deserve this." He sighed as he sat down. _'Everything will be fine. There won't be any customers today anyway. He'll probably just stand there, bored.'_ Dark Pit chuckled to himself as he imagined Pit standing behind the counter. "Pit-stain, bored."

"Ehh...Gettin' kinda bored." Pit yawned and then fell asleep on the counter. The Smash Burger suddenly burst into flames and Dark Pit tried to blow it out but it turned out that it was just a thought bubble. He began to run back to the restaurant.

"Oh, what am I doing? I am wasting valuable relaxing time, that's what I'm doing! I mean, really. What are the odds? Pit-stain setting the Smash Burger on fire." Dark Pit began to walk back down the road when suddenly a fire truck drove by from the direction of the Smash Burger. He quickly became startled and ran back to the restaurant with a fire extinguisher. He opened the door and sprayed the whole area with the foam. As the foam subsided, Dark Pit walked over to Pit, who had a foam mustache.

"May I help you, sir?"

Dark Pit wiped his foamy beard off. "It's me, you dunce!"

"Oh hi, Pittoo! How are those errands going?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm very busy."

"Well, I'm sure you are."

"I don't like your tone."

"I'm sure you are." Pit spoke in a high-pitched voice. "How's that?"

"Just do your jobs!"

"Aye-aye, Mr. Pittoo." Pit called out. Dark Pit grumbled to himself as he left. "Boy, no wonder Mr. Mario put him in charge."

* * *

"Must...re-lax!" Dark Pit tried to sit down in his chair, but ended up cracking his back. He slouched in the chair and pulled out a hand mirror. "Look at yourself. You're losing your edgy look. Stop worrying so much. Now, repeat after me. You will not go back to the Smash Burger."

His reflection suddenly turned to Pit. "I will destroy the Smash Burger!"

Dark Pit screamed as threw the mirror at the wall before running back to the Smash Burger. "Pit-stain!"

"Have you finished-"

"No!" Dark Pit shouted as he walked out. "That's it. That's it. No matter what sick fantasies run through my mind, I will not go back to that restaurant!" He walked into his house, and then ran back out towards the Smash Burger.

"Have you finished those errands?" Dark Pit ran back to his house and then back to the Smash Burger. "Have you finished those errands?" He ran back to his house. "Have you finished those errands?" He ran back to the restaurant again. "Have you finished those errands?" Dark Pit kept running back and forth between his house and Smash Burger while the words 'Have you finished those errands?' echoed in his head. Eventually he ran back to the restaurant and stopped.

"Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands?"

"NO, I AM NOT FINISHED WITH THOSE ERRANDS AND I NEVER WILL BE! So quite checking up on me!" Dark Pit walked up to Pit. "I know what you're up to. Forcing me to come back here every time you mess up!"

"But I haven't..."

"Okay, maybe you haven't messed up yet, but you will. _You_ will...And when you do, I'll be there. I'll be there!" Dark Pit laughed hysterically and ran away.

"Gosh, Pittoo sure is a hard worker. He make me proud to wear these hats."

* * *

Dark Pit began to lock his door using his key, padlocks, wood and nails, police tape, and a blowtorch. "There! Now I'll have to stay here and enjoy myself!" His face was all weird due to him completely losing his sanity. "I'm not even gonna think about you-know-who at the you-know-what doing I-don't-care." Dark Pit laughed maniacally. "Just gonna...relax." He went over to his shower and sat in the bathtub. "Let Pittoo's day off...begin."

Dark Pit suddenly heard Pit laughing. "What was that? It's Pit-stain. He's spying on me, to see if I'm really doing errands." He started to chuckle. "But, but he left his post." He chuckled again. "And I've finally caught him messing up. Aha! I caught you, Pit..." Dark Pit saw that it was just the wind making a branch brush against his house. "Branch." He then noticed something that looked like Pit. "Heh, here's that rubber duck Mr. Mario wanted me to get. I've got you now! Wait till Mario finds out that you're a..." Dark Pit pulled the curtain aside. "Toilet. You're losin' it, Dark Pit. Calm down. If I let this get to me again, I'll just end up running down to the Smash Burger, bursting through the front door, up to that winged headache, and he'll say..."

"Hi, Pittoo." Dark Pit turned to see that Pit was in the bathtub with him. "Are you finished with those errands yet?" He asked as he went under the water.

"Aha!" Dark Pit went under the water. "I know you're in there." He gasped as he saw Pit go down the drain. "He's heading back to the Smash Burger!" Dark Pit jumped out the the tub and ran towards the door. "I'll beat him there!" He slammed through the barricaded door with nothing but his shower cap and bubbles foaming around his waist. "I've got you now, Pit-stain! The truth will be revealed!" He shouted as he passed by Kirby lying on a rock.

"Whoa-ho, right on, Pittoo!"

Mario and Dr. Mario were walking out of the hospital. "Okay, Mr. Mario. Get plenty of rest and if things don't seem right, come back."

"Thanks, Doc." Mario looked at the street and smiled until a nude and deranged Dark Pit ran past him.

"Pit-stain, you can't beat me!" Mario frowned in disbelief and then walked back inside the hospital. Laughing hysterically, Dark Pit burst into the Smash Burger only to find that Pit was already there. "Aha! I caught you now! You didn't think I knew you were a stick outside my window! Or the toilet in my bathroom!" Pit looked completely confused as his saliva hit his face. "And then you were in my bathtub, and I...And-And you...And I...And then you...Swam...down the drain...and...Beat me...to the Smash...Burger."

"Uh, does that mean you're-" Pit asked before Dark Pit covered his mouth with his hand.

"Yes, Pit-stain. I am finished with those errands. I guess I want to take my place back at the cash register. I really do."

Pit began to take off his clothes (except for his underwear of course) and handed them to Dark Pit. "Then you might wanna put these on."

Dark Pit looked down and noticed that his lower area was covered in bubbles which were all popping. He quickly grabbed Pit's clothes and held it over his lower area.

"Hmm...Hey Pittoo, you know what? Look! We forgot to switch the Closed sign to Open." Pit went over and flipped over the sign. "It's almost like we could've taken the whole day off!" He laughed as Dark Pit smiled wearily fell to the ground.


	33. Whales (Clams)

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 33: Whales (Clams)

* * *

"Uhh, what do you like better? The cheese sticks or the nachos?" Olimar asked Dark Pit.

"I like neither. Can I take your order?"

"What about the onion rings, are they any good?"

"No. What will you have?"

"Well, uhh, what's your vote on the-"

Dark Pit threw the pencil and paper away in frustration. "Sir, let's just get this out of the way, I hate everything on the menu! Now, what do you want?"

Pit poked his head out the kitchen window. "Psst, try the cheese sticks."

"Uhh, I'll try the cheese sticks."

"That'll be one dollar." Dark Pit rung up a dollar and an alarm went off.

"What's going on?"

"Something stupid, I'm sure."

The alarm stopped and a curtain opened up to show a real band playing music as Mario burst out of his office. "Yippee!" He went over and kissed Olimar and Dark Pit, and then took the dollar and began to rub it all over himself.

"See? I told you."

"What's wrong with Mr. Mario?" Pit asked.

Mario made a weird face as he ran over the counter. "Nothing, lad! Do you know what this is?!"

"A very dirty dollar?" Dark Pit guessed.

"No, this is my one millionth dollar earned! Every plumber's goal in life is to make a million dollars, and now I got mine! Congratulations, sir! You have just given me my one millionth dollar!"

"Ha, great! Uhh, what do I win?" Olimar asked.

"Nothing! Now get out!"

"Uhh, what?"

"Get out! Everybody get out, you're spoiling my moment!" Mario hastily pushed everyone out the door. "My millionth dollar!"

"Congratulations, Mr. Mario!"

"Congratulate yourselves, lad! A plumber's nothing without his loyal crew! I mean a crew like you comes around maybe once in a lifetime! And to reward you for making my millionth dollar, I'm taking you on a trip."

"Wow, a trip!"

"I can't believe it, Mr. Mario! Where are we going, Fancy Springs?" Dark Pit asked.

"No."

"Pamper Island?"

"Try again."

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, Smashville Folk Village?"

"Better than that!"

* * *

Pit, Mario, and Dark Pit stood on a boat wearing raincoats. "Fishing? This is the reward we get for all our hard work? Fishing for stinky fish in a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon? You call this fun?"

"Aww, come on now, Dark Pit. Three fellas at sea with nothing to do but throw their lines in the water, catch a few fish then throw them back. Don't you think that's fun?"

"No." Dark Pit took off his raincoat and sat in a chair. "And to think I could be wearing a powdered wig right now."

"Hey Pittoo, you want me to cast out over here so you can watch me?" Pit asked.

"How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you?"

"Okay!" Pit cast his line behind him and it caught on Dark Pit's magazine and he cast it into the ocean. He then cast his line on his chair.

"Hey, watch where you're swinging that..." Pit's line cast on Dark Pit's shirt and ripped it off. "Pit-stain, be careful with that..." Pit's line then caught on one of his wings, and ripped that off too. Dark Pit let out a loud scream of pain, and then walked over to Mario. "Okay, I've had enough."

Mario laughed. "Oh Dark Pit, you've got to lighten up. Sure the lad's a bit overeager, but you've got to roll with the punches, go with the flow. And don't bring anything on a boat that you ain't prepared to lose!" While Mario was laughing, Pit's line caught on his millionth dollar and threw it into the ocean. "My millionth dollar! Pit, wait! Pit, you hooked my millionth dollar on the back swing! Reel it in before I keelhaul you!" Suspenseful music started playing. "Oh no. Pit, quick, reel it in! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor! Every plumber knows that means death! Reel it in before it's too late! Hurry, Pit! The music's getting faster!" Mario opened the doors to the orchestra. "There you are, ya stinkin' bilge rats. Stop playing that music! Stop it, please! I'm begging ya! Come on, honey, you can make it. Swim faster! Come to me, baby! Come on back! Hurry, Pit."

"Here she comes...She made it!"

Mario held up the dollar and cheered. "For a second or two, I thought she was a goner!" Ominous music started playing again, and a giant Kyogre jumped up and took the dollar from his hand. It took Mario a while to notice that the dollar was no longer in his hand, and started crying as the whale swam away.

"So, some trip, eh, Mr. Mario?" Dark Pit asked.

"Oh, Dark Pit! You're never gonna believe it! A giant blue and white whale ate my millionth dollar!" Mario started bawling and flopped to the ground. "I lost my dollar, and I'll never get it back! Never, never, never, never, never!"

"I've never seen Mr. Mario so broken up."

"Oh, puh-lease, he's such a drama queen. C'mon, Mr. Mario, drop the act!" Mario was crying while sucking his feet. "Mr. Mario, it's just a stupid dollar." He started to cry like fountain. "For Pete's sake, Mr. Mario, suck it up!" Mario continued to cry about the dollar. "Okay, okay, Mr. Mario, we'll help you get your dollar back!"

Mario threw away the thumb he was sucking on. "You will? Great! Wait right here." He ran off and then came back with a bunch of fishing gear on. "Here's where fishing gets serious!"

* * *

"Okay, you boys man the fishing poles and I'll keep my eyes peeled for that blue whale."

"Aye Aye, captain!" Pit nodded with a salute.

"And remember, we don't leave until we catch that whale and rescue my dollar." Mario began to scout the area, and much later all three of them had beards for standing too long.

Dark Pit ripped off his beard. "That's it! I'm finished! We've been here for three days and haven't gotten a nibble! This is hopeless!"

"Yeah, and I've gotta get home to feed Mew." Pit added as the scene briefly changed to show Mew eating up the couch.

"We're gonna die out here just because a whale ate Mr. Mario's stupid dollar!" Dark Pit took a dollar out of his wallet. "Well, if he wants his dollar back, I say we give it to him. Know what I mean? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"Oh, I get ya!" Pit giggled.

* * *

"Oh, Mr. Mario! Mr. Mario! Look what we've got!"

Mario looked over to see that the two angels were waving a dollar and he jumped down and gasped. "Could it be? My millionth dollar?" He started cheering as well as Pit and Dark Pit. "Wait a minute..." Mario stopped dancing when he realized something. "This isn't my millionth dollar. This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon, and kissed with Royal Blue #2 Semi-Gloss Lipstick."

"Actually it's Royal Blue number-" Dark Pit hit Pit in the head with a fishing rod. "Three."

"I trusted you, and you gave me this? I can't believe my own crew would betray me like this." Mario started crying again.

"No. Uh-uh. No, we will not be swayed by tears anymore."

"I see. Then I guess I have no choice but to offer a reward."

"You're kidding?"

"Woo! Is it another fishing trip?" Pit asked.

"No. It's this sandwich." Mario nailed a sandwich to a pole.

"A sandwich? You expect me to break my back over a sandwich?"

"Not a sandwich, Dark Pit. _The_ sandwich." Mario replied as he threw the rest of the sandwiches into the water.

"Whatever. We've got plenty more to..." Mario then threw the refrigerator into the ocean. "...eat."

"Now I think we understand each other. Nobody eats until I get my millionth dollar back!"

"Uhh, Pit-stain, can I have a word with you?" Dark Pit took Pit over to the other side of the boat. "Have you noticed that Mr. Mario has gone COMPLETELY INSANE?!"

"What do you mean?"

"Just look at him." Dark Pit pointed to Mario, who was dressed like he was at a funeral and cried at a tombstone of his millionth dollar.

"Pittoo, he's lost something near and dear to him. Haven't you..."

"Look again."

Pit looked to see that Mario was jumping rope while laughing like a maniac and became visibly scared. "You're right. How do we get out of here?"

"If we're real quiet, we can sneak over to the lifeboat."

"Okay." Pit and Dark Pit then began screaming as they ran towards the lifeboat. They both jumped into it, only for them to come back onto the boat tied up as Mario's head popped out of the lifeboat.

"So, you thought you'd skip out on old Mario, did ya? Even after you promised to help me. I know what you're thinking. 'It's just a dumb old dollar. Let's just leave the old man, we won't notice!' Well, it's not going down like that. There's only one use for a backstabbing crew like you."

* * *

Mario had his line hanging over the boat with Pit and Dark Pit attached to it. "Live bait."

"You're crazy! If that whale didn't come before, what makes you think he'll come now?" Dark Pit asked.

"Oh, he'll come." Mario opened up the doors for the orchestra to play the ominous music as Pit and Dark Pit screamed in terror.

"Mr. Mario, listen, I work with Pit-stain all day long, so I know what I'm talking about when I say...YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Mario laughed madly as the Kyogre emerged from the water and began to swim closer to the line. "Get us out of here!"

"Come on, fresh meat!" Pit and Dark Pit screamed as they began to wiggle back and fourth. "Keep thrashing! He likes it!" The two continued to scream as they bounced up and down really fast. "Come on, boy! Closer. Closer. Almost there." The giant blue whale stopped in midair to reveal the dollar on its tongue. "That's it!" Mario closed the doors to stop the music, and then jumped into the Kyogre's mouth and took the dollar. "Look boys! I got it! I finally got my millionth dollar!" The ominous music played again as the Kyogre shut its mouth with Mario inside and then dove back into the ocean.

"Oh, poor Mr. Mario. Gone forever out of our lives...Why couldn't it have been me?!" Pit asked as he started to sob.

"Yes, why couldn't it have been you?!" Dark Pit joined in on the sobbing.

"Why did he have to go like this?! Why?"

"Why did he have to go like this and leave me tied to this idiot?!" Both angels continued to sob.

"Hello, boys!"

"Mr. Mario?" Pit and Dark Pit asked as they noticed Mario's head poking out of the water.

"Have you boys met...my millionth dollar?" Mario laughed as he held up his dollar.

"Wow, how did you get it back?" Pit asked.

"It wasn't easy. That whale is quite the fighter. So, eventually, we settled on a trade."

"What did you give him?"

Mario jumped onto the boat, revealing that he only had a head and an arm. "Nothing important!" He laughed as Pit and Dark Pit looked at each other in shock.


	34. Nasty Patty

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 34: Nasty Patty

* * *

Oh, a dark and stormy night. It's nights like these that remind me of the time Mario and Pit thought they killed the health inspector. It was a bright and sunny morning.

Someone drove up and stopped right in front of the Smash Burger restaurant. The person had a badge that meant that they were the health inspector.

"Ahh...That smells like..." Mario gasped. "The health inspector!" He quickly got out of his money bath and ran up to Pit. "Wash your hands, clean the floors, change your underwear! The health inspector's here!" They peeked out the window to see the health inspector Robin writing on a clipboard. "If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in out power to make sure he passes the Smash Burger."

"But Mr. Mario, there's no reason to worry. The Smash Burger is the most perfect place in the universe."

"You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?" Mario pushed Pit out the door. "Just go out there and give him what he needs. Pour on the charm. Sweet talk him."

Pit walked up to Robin. "What can I get for you...handsome?"

Mario facepalmed. "We're doomed."

"I'm going to need you to bring me one of everything on the menu."

"Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up!" Pit headed inside the kitchen where Mario was waiting. "He wants one of everything."

"Then we'll give him a smorgasbord! The future of the Smash Burger is at stake!"

Pit and Mario quickly ran out of the kitchen and started stuffing food into Robin's mouth. "Try the hot dogs, sir!"

"The deep-fried butter is a touch of heaven."

"The Powdered Driftwood is exquisite."

"Fresh Sludge Pudding?"

"More diet soda?"

"Some fried pickles?"

"Please, gentlemen!" Robin swallowed all of things he had in his mouth. "Leave me to finish my work in peace."

* * *

"And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?" Pit asked.

"So far, so good. I just seed to try a plain Smash Burger and my inspection will be finished."

Pit headed back to the kitchen. "He says if he gets one more Smash Burger, he'll pass us for the inspection!"

"Do you know what this means, boy? We're in the clear!" Mario and Pit leapfroged over each other, and then started doing the can-can dance in dresses until a breaking news report interrupted them.

"We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin. Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food. That's all for now."

Mario's eyes widened, and then he became furious. "FREEEEEE FOOOD?!"

"Maybe you oughta tell out guy about the phony impostor."

"You loony angel, he is the impostor! We've been duped!"

"Duped!"

"Bamboozled!"

"We've been smeckledorfed!"

"That's not even a word and I agree with ya!" Mario and Pit peeked out the window to look at Robin. "Look at him. I bet he never changes his underwear."

"I bet he bites dirt."

"I bet his mom bought him that coat. If that impostor wants a Smash Burger, then we'll give him one." Mario flipped off the top bun of a burger and poured some volcano sauce on it. "You're dancing with the plumber man now! Join me, boy, or you're fired!"

"It doesn't seem right...but it feels so good!" Pit took out a bottle of horseradish and dumped a spoonful of it on the burger. "Horseradish: the gnarliest stuff in the world."

"Ohh, hold on, I've got a ton of toenail clippings in my office!"

"Oops, I dropped it in the toilet!"

"Well, fish it out, and I'll dry it with my gym socks!"

* * *

Some time later, Pit and Mario have created a very disgusting burger. "Why that's the most diabolical Smash Burger ever spawned!"

"I call it the Nasty Patty."

"Hey, hurry up with that burger!" Robin called out from outside.

"Here you go sir, enjoy." Pit said quickly as he handed Robin the nasty burger and ran back into the kitchen.

"Ah, hello delicious. Come to papa." Robin was about to take a bite out of the burger when a fly flew into his throat, causing him to start choking.

"Listen, he ate it!" Mario and Pit looked out the window and started laughing. "Oh, look at him choke! Look at him suffer! Did you see that, boy? Oh man, the look on his face." Robin then slipped on some condiment packets on the floor and banged his head on the table, instantly knocking him unconscious. Mario and Pit continued laughing as another news report came on.

"We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this news flash. The fake inspector has been captured. Here is his picture." A picture of a rather tough-looking guy appeared onscreen. "If a health inspector comes to your restaurant and he's not this guy, he's real."

"Phew, that's a relief eh, Mr. Mario? I'm sure our guy will understand if we just explain the situation. Then we can all have a good laugh about it."

Mario gasped. "I don't think he'll be laughin', boy."

"Why sir?"

"Because that burger killed him!" Mario and Pit screamed. They looked back at Robin, and then started screaming again.

"Mr. Mario, what are we gonna do?"

"What's this 'we' stuff? You fed him the tainted burger. Looks like it's the stony lonesome for you!"

"But you told me to give it to him!"

"Well, you could've talked me out of it!"

"You're right, Mr. Mario, I'm guilty. I'll never survive in prison."

"Get a hold of yourself, boy. We've got to get rid of this body before anyone sees it. We've got to take it out and bury it."

* * *

"Eww, gross, germs, it's all icky and corpsy!" Pit shrieked as he and Mario were walking up a muddy hill, and he started spraying the body with disinfectant as he continued to drag it up the hill.

"This should be far enough. Now get diggin'!" Mario handed him a shovel.

"Yes, sir." Pit started digging a big hole in the hill, and he suddenly hit something.

"What's the holdup down there?"

"There's a big rock in the way!"

"Well toss it out and get back to diggin'!"

"Aye aye, sir!" Pit saluted, and then threw the giant rock behind him.

Right at that moment, Robin woke up. "Uhh, where am I?" The huge rock then hit him in the head, knocking him out again.

"Somethin' ain't quite right."

"What do you mean, Mr. Mario?"

"His head's stickin' out!"

Pit quickly covered Robin's head with dirt. "Sorry, Mr. Mario. I thought he might need some air."

"They don't need air where he's going."

"Shouldn't we say a few words on his behalf?"

"Uhh, he was a credit to health inspectors everywhere, and..."

"What a brave man, going in the line of duty like that! Why? Why? Why?!" Pit cried.

"Listen here, ya little angel. No one, and I mean no one, can ever know about this. It'll be the end of you, it'll be the end of me, and worst of all, it'll be the end of me."

"Stop right where you are! I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest the two of you!" Fox shouted.

"Mr. Mario, I'm to young to go to jail!" Pit screamed, and Mario quickly covered his mouth.

"And what would be the charges?"

"For not being at the Smash Burger to whip us up a couple of dee-licious burgers!" Fox and his partner Krystal laughed.

"Laugh, boy." Mario laughed nervously, and then Pit joined in.

"Put that muddy shovel in the trunk and we'll give you a ride back." Krystal said. Pit kept laughing until Mario hit him, and he quickly put the shovel in the trunk.

"Pit, listen carefully. We're just getting a lift back to the Smash Burger. I need you to stay calm and don't lose your cool. Understand."

"Can I lose my cool now?"

"Why?" Pit pointed down the hill where Robin's body was at the bottom and they both screamed. Mario quickly grabbed the body and handed it to Pit. "Put it in the trunk, boy! I'll keep them cops busy!"

"What's the holdup back there?" Fox asked, and Mario quickly started talking to distract him.

"Oh, Zeus, get away!" Pit threw Robin's body into the trunk and then slammed the trunk on his head just as he was waking up again. "Okay, all set back here. Nothing unusual about a muddy shovel in the trunk." Pit laughed nervously.

"All set!" Pit slid into the police car motionlessly next to Mario.

"You okay there, little fella?" Krystal asked.

"Oh, he gets carsick real easily."

"Well buckle up and we'll drive real smooth-like." Fox replied as they drove off.

"Now listen Pit, when we get to the Smash Burger, I want you to take that shovel and bring it around to the back and stuff...err, I mean, stow it in the freezer. Understand?"

"I understand, Mr. Mario, but what do you want me to do with the bo-" Pit began, before Mario quickly grabbed his lips.

"...ttles of soda! Bottles of soda. Same thing, put 'em in the freezer." Krystal looked at Pit and Mario funny, and they both laughed.

* * *

Once they had gotten back to the Smash Burger, Pit started to drag the body to the back.

"Oh man, this is so gross!" Pit tried to open the back door, but it was locked. "The back door is locked. What am I gonna do?" He then entered the front of the Smash Burger with a giant hat.

"Hello there, Pit! I thought you were out back taking care of that shovel." Mario's eye twitched slightly at that last word.

"Well, the back door was locked, so I came around here. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put my hat in the freezer now." Pit started to walk to the kitchen very carefully.

"Okey dokey, Pit!"

"Is that boy okay?" Fox asked.

"He's acting a little funny."

"Funny? Oh, yeah! He's a real cutup, that one. He knows how to keep the growing stages! Good one, boy! Always on, that's one, there's no turning off his funny switch!" Mario laughed as Pit tried to get into the kitchen, but couldn't because his hat was too big. "Oh look, I almost forgot, it's 'Open Cash Register' night! First two customers get all the money in the cash register!" Mario started to give out the money while Pit finally got his hat inside the kitchen.

"86 those burgers, Mario. We just got a call about two ghouls burying a stiff over by Shallow Grave Road." A policeman's voice spoke on a walkie-talkie.

"I want a soda."

Mario quickly gave Krystal a soda. "Here's your soda! Always a pleasure to serve the folks in blue. Well, goodbye now!"

"Hey, there's no ice!"

"Ice? Ice? You want ice? Is that what you want? You want ice? Is that what you want?" Mario asked nervously.

Pit then came out of the kitchen. "The dark deed you requested is done, sir."

"I'll get it myself. Ice is in the freezer, right?" Krystal headed towards the freezer door and Mario quickly ran and blocked it.

"There is no ice! There's never been any ice. Ice is just a myth."

"Step aside. You people act like you've committed a murder."

"Okay, I confess! Pit killed him!"

"What?! You can pin this whole rap on me!"

"He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too is you two hadn't come along."

"It was all Mr. Marios's idea."

"Put him down now! He's a mad dog!"

"He wears curlers to bed!"

"Wait! It's not what you think!"

"What are you two talking about?"

"We killed the health inspector! Buried him and then stuffed his body in the freezer!" Mario confessed.

"You mean in here?" Krystal asked as she opened the freezer, only to find that it was empty.

"It's empty?"

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Yeah...a joke!" Mario answered nervously as Pit giggled.

"Say, maybe he turned into a zombie and walked out." Krystal suggested, and then everyone laughed until they heard someone moaning, and they looked to see someone standing right in front of them.

"It's the zombie!" Pit screamed, and the "zombie" turned on the lights.

"Hey, you guys..." Robin began, when Fox hit him in the head with an anchor.

"Take that, you zombie!"

"I'll take it from here." Krystal then hit Robin with a barrel. "Die, zombie!"

"Good police work, Krystal. Hey, this guy's not a zombie. He's just an ordinary health inspector."

"Yes. And at the risk of being hit again, I'd like to present you with this." Robin gave Mario and Pit a note that told them that they passed.

"Hey, Mr. Mario, look. We passed the inspection!" Pit said, and everyone cheered as they walked out of the kitchen.

"Come on, everybody! Smash Burgers at half price! Well, not really."

"Oh boy, I'd like a Smash Bur..." Robin tried to crawl out of the kitchen, only for the door to slam in his face.

Well, that's the story. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?


	35. Pit Meets the Strangler

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 35: Pit Meets the Strangler

* * *

"Wait for it..." As soon as the clock struck 8, Pit punched in the card and jumped into the air.

 _On Time Percentage: 100%_

Pit finished his triumphant cheer was Dark Pit walked over. "Another day, another migraine. Heh, heh, mi-"

 _On Time Percentage: 12%_

"...graine. Heh Heh."

"Ahh, isn't it great working at the Smash Burger, Pittoo? Huh? Isn't it? Working here?"

"Yeah, great."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Aww, yeah."

"Yes..." Dark Pit muttered in slight annoyance.

"Hold that thought, Pittoo. I'm doing the parking lot for early morning litter patrol. May Zeus shine brightly on my harvest." Pit laughed as he walked outside with a bag and a pointy tool. "Litter. Looks like someone missed the trash basket, huh, Mr. Candy Wrapper?" He laughed. "Kids these days." Another piece of trash fell to the ground next to him. "I've never seen such an epidemic! Well, at least it's all over now." More trash kept falling next to Pit, and he quickly picked them all up, and when he was all exhausted, another piece of litter parachuted onto the ground. "WHERE IS ALL THIS LITTER COMING FROM?!" Pit then saw someone tossing trash out of a car. "Not on my watch." He walked over to the car. "Sir, I will have you know it's against the law to litter."

"Heh, what're you gonna do, call the police?" The man asked as the police arrived.

"Yes." Pit answered as the cops handcuffed him.

"How's it going, Lieutenant?" Dark Pit asked.

"Well, let's just say I hope our litterbug there saved room for his just desserts." Pit laughed. "Yeah, just desserts."

"Whatever." Dark Pit noticed who was sitting in the police car. "Pit-stain, don't you know who that is?"

"Who?"

"That's Ganondorf the Tattletale Strangler."

"Who?"

"Ganondorf the Tattletale Strangler! He's promised to strangle anyone who turns him in."

"He seems kind of angry with us, eh, Pittoo?" Pit noticed that Dark Pit was gone. "Pittoo? Pittoo?"

"You're gonna do time, Strangler. Hard time." Fox said when Pit walked over to the police car.

"Hi, officers. So, he's going to jail, right?"

"Who, Strangler?" Krystal asked.

"Yeah, Strangler."

"Oh, yeah, he's going to jail for a long time."

Ganondorf drew Pit's head on the headrest of the driver's seat. "Hey, that looks like me!" He then damaged the headrest with his hands as Pit screamed.

"Don't worry, Pit. He won't be able to strangle you."

"Yeah. We got him chained up real good. He'll never get away." Fox assured him.

"Oops, not again." Ganondorf was gone, with his handcuffs in his place in the police car.

"Yep, he got away."

Pit screamed and fell over. "You nice officers will protect me, right?"

"We ain't bodyguards, kid."

"Yeah, give us a call if you see him again...tattletale." Fox said as they drove off, leaving dust in Pit's face.

"Those officers are right. I need a bodyguard!" Pit ran back inside the Smash Burger. "Mr. Mario! There's a maniac after me! I need a bodyguard!"

"I wasn't five-time 'Golden Fists' for nothin' When he sees me move, he'll be running scared. So, where is this little bully? Down at the park? The soda shop? What does he look like, boy?"

"This would be him, Mr. Mario." Pit showed Mario the wanted poster of Ganondorf and he gasped in fear.

"The Tattletale Strangler?" Mario quickly hid under his desk. "Go away, Pit! Take your death cloud with you!"

Pit showed the wanted poster to various people in an effort to get them to protect him, but he was having no luck with any of them.

* * *

"Ugh, that's it. I gotta get out of town 'til I can find a bodyguard."

A man sat on a bench reading a newspaper. "Bodyguard, huh? I might be able to help you out."

"You don't understand, mister. I need protection from the scariest guy in town. Here's his picture." Pit showed the wanted poster to the man, who turned out to be Ganondorf, except he was wearing a fake mustache.

"Heh heh, he doesn't look so tough."

"I tattled on him, and now he wants to strangle me with his diabolical hand! I hope their not dirty." Ganondorf laughed as he showed his dirty hands, but before he could start to strangle Pit, a bus stopped right in front of them, and quickly put his hands behind his back as the bus drove off.

"Huh? Uh-oh. Uhh, there's too many witnesses around here. Listen, kid. I could be your bodyguard. Here's my card." Ganondorf showed Pit his drawn-over fake ID card.

"Hmm, looks good to me. You're hired! I feel safer already. What's next?"

"Well, the maniac could be anywhere, wearing a disguise. He could be that old man. Or that baby."

"Or that pebble. Or that stick. Or that receipt for the Phony Baloney Mustache Emporium!"

"Huh? Uhh, that's mine."

"Oh, body guard, my body is in your guarding hands. What do we do first?"

"Well, I suggest we go to a nice, quiet, secluded location, like behind an old dumpster or a dark alley..."

"We could go to my house and turn off all the lights!"

"Perfect. That way no one can hear you being strangled...err, I mean, uhh, protected." Ganondorf started to laugh as the sky grew dim. "Perfect."

"Yes, excellent." Pit laughed with Ganondorf until the sky went back to normal. "Ah, but first I gotta do a few errands."

"Uhh, okay, but let's make it quick."

"Quick is my middle name!"

* * *

Pit and Ganondorf were now at the supermarket. "Let's see...paper towels. This one says 'best paper towel around' this one says 'best paper towel in town'. Hmm...in town...around...in town...around...What do you think, bodyguard?"

"Whatever gets us to your house quicker."

"I'll take both!"

* * *

"Here you go, Mr. Pit." The dry cleaner said as he came with Pit's dry cleaning.

"Hmmm."

"Is there something wrong?"

"I'm not sure if these are my clothes." Pit answered, and Ganondorf groaned.

* * *

Pit sprayed some perfume on his hand and held it up in front of Ganondorf. "How about this one, bodyguard? Too overbearing?"

"Can we just go to your house?!"

* * *

"Here we are. The Angel Manor! Bodyguard, let me just take this opportunity to say you're the best bodyguard a fella could hope to have."

"Alright, enough of the sappy talk! Open the door so I can strangle you! I mean, uhh, choke you...I mean, uhh, crush your windpipe...gah, I mean..."

"Protect me?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it, Strangler." Pit gasped. "I mean bodyguard. Now where'd I put my key?"

 **20 minutes later...**

Ganondorf was now fuming as Pit was still searching for his key. "Well, I can't find 'em. You wanna take a look?"

"Forget the key! Let's climb through this window." Ganondorf headed towards the front window, but was unable to reach it. "I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, kid?"

"Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible!"

"Cleats?!" Pit jumped onto Ganondorf and his feet landed on his eyes. "Get your feet out of my eye sockets!"

"I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!" Ganondorf then started to run around, screaming in pain.

 **6 hours later...**

Ganondorf was still running around all over the place, and finally got Pit's feet out of his eyes.

* * *

"Don't be mad bodyguard. Let me just grab the key I keep under the mat and we can get inside." The bandages on Ganondorf's eyes ripped off, and he became so angry, he looked like he was about to explode. "There you are, you little rascal. Now, to put the key in the lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door." Ganondorf snuck up behind Pit, just about ready to strangle him. "Step inside..."

"Close the door..."

"Well, here we are!"

"I've finally got you all alone!" Ganondorf laughed evilly.

"I know, isn't it great?" Pit started laughing as Ganondorf grabbed him.

"Now you're gonna get yours...tattletale!"

Suddenly, the lights turned on and Pit and Ganondorf looked to see that were several people in Pit's house. "Surprise!"

"A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on-time percentage at work? Oh, how'd you guys know?

"It's on the invitations you sent us. Let's boogie!" Kirby shouted, and everyone started to party. Ganondorf just went over to Pit's chair and sat in it.

* * *

"Bye everybody, thanks for coming! Bye Mr. Mario, bye Mewtwo, bye Viridi, bye Magnus, bye Phosphora, bye Lady Palutena, bye Pittoo, bye eh the rest." Everyone left the party and Pit walked inside his house. "Ahh, alone at last."

"What? Huh? Huh? What? Huh? So, we're all alone now?"

"Just you, me, and the floorboards." Pit and Ganondorf started laughing again. "Yeah." There was then another knock on the door, and Pit answered it.

"Happy birthday, Pit!" Everyone cheered.

"How did you guys know today is my birthday?"

"We just do what the invitations say." Kirby shrugged. "Let's boogie some more!" Everyone began to party again, and Ganondorf walked over to Pit's chair and sat in it again.

* * *

"Thanks for coming!" Pit laughed as he closed the door. "Alone again."

"Is it true? Everybody's gone?"

"Uh-huh."

"No more parties today? You got everything you need now? Nobody's left? We're completely alone?"

"Oh yeah."

"In that case..." Ganondorf began to laugh evilly, when Kirby suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Great parties, huh?"

"Oh...sorry, Tubby, you've gotta go."

"Wait! We can trust Kirby. He's my best friend."

"Well, I can't take any chances. For all we know, he could be the Strangler."

"I'm the Strangler? Oh, I should've known! I gotta turn myself in!" Kirby ran and broke through the wall.

"So, Kirby's the Strangler. Gee, you think you know a guy."

"He's not the Strangler!" Ganondorf growled.

"He's not?"

Ganondorf ripped off his fake mustache. "I AM!"

"Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?"

"Oh, it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store!"

Everyone suddenly came back inside. "Did someone say 'party'?" Dark Pit asked.

Ganondorf screamed and ran out right through the wall. "I can't take it!"

Pit quickly ran after Ganondorf. "Wait, bodyguard! I need protection!"

Ganondorf stepped into a taxi. "Step on it! I'm being chased by a maniac!"

Pit chased after the taxi. "I'm not safe! Come back!" The taxi went through the airport and an airplane took off with Ganondorf inside.

"Finally, away from that guy."

Pit was also in the plane. "Good idea, bodyguard. He'll never find us up here." Ganondorf jumped out of the plane and opened up a parachute and Pit was gliding right next to him. "Good thinking, bodyguard. The Strangler could have been on that plane." Ganondorf cut the strings of his parachute and plummeted right into the jail. "Bodyguard! Bodyguard!"

"Look, kid...I'm not your bodyguard! I'm the Strangler! See?!" Ganondorf looked towards the wanted poster of him on the wall.

Pit gasped. "The Strangler!"

"Good work, Pit. You put the Strangler behind bars." Krystal complimented.

"At least I'm safe from that winged idiot."

"Hey, Mac." Ganondorf turned around to see that Kirby was in the cell with him. "What're you in for?"

* * *

 _ **AN: I know I haven't said this in advance, but this is the last pre-movie episode for this series. I know, it's amazing that I managed to make it to thirty five episodes in a little over a year. However, I will do five post-movie episodes, and this is what they will be in the order that I will release them.**_

 _ **November**_

 _ **1\. Smash Towers**_

 _ **2\. Lady Palutena, You're Fired**_

 _ **December**_

 _ **3\. The Lost Mattress**_

 _ **4\. Mega Man and Proto Man VI: The Motion Picture**_

 _ **5\. Dunces and Dragons**_

 _ **After these five episode, I will be officially done with this series. I know it might be a bit sad for you people, but I honestly kinda want to move on to other things and I've been doing other SpongeBob parody stories like my**_ ** _Pokémon_** _ **SpongeBob series and my one-shots Nebby Gets in the Bag and Skyworld Shift. Who knows, I might even plan on doing a story based on the first SpongeBob Movie with these characters, but I'm unsure if I want to make it a stand-alone story or make it a parody in Smashing Parodies. I'll leave it up to you to decide.**_


	36. Smash Towers

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 36: Smash Towers

* * *

Pit and Dark Pit were walking to work on a seemingly normal day. Pit was busy rambling on about a story that Dark Pit obviously didn't care about.

"So, I was all ready to drain the fries, but I cooked the fries slightly too long! So..."

"Pit-stain?"

"So, here's where the bizarre twist comes in."

"Pit-stain?"

"They weren't overcooked at all!"

"Pit-stain, look!" Dark Pit turned Pit around and they saw a tall building in place of the Smash Burger.

"Wow, what happened to the Smash Burger?"

"Good morning! The Smash Towers is now opened for business!"

"Why did you build a hotel, Mr. Mario?"

"I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I went to that fast food convention and stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a beautiful room. The employees were so friendly. They catered to my every whim, no matter how demeaning it was. Because they lived by a code, and that code was engraved in fine gold above the grand fireplace: "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request". Everything was perfect until I got the bill! They charged me for everything. $25 for a hamburger! If they can charge that much for a lousy burger, imagine how much I could charge for a lousy Smash Burger! And thus, the Smash Towers was born."

"Why would anyone want to stay in a hotel in Smashville? It's in the middle of a scenic nowhere! There's nothing to do but get our brains sucked out by Metroid." A Metroid then flew by and latched onto Dark Pit's head. "See?"

"Come inside." Mario led the two angels inside the hotel. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Where are all the new hotel employees?" Dark Pit asked. Mario threw uniforms at him and Pit just as Link entered.

"My first hotel guest! Watch me reel him in." Mario walked behind the counter. "Welcome to the Smash Towers, where our motto is 'We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request'."

"Oh, that's great. I'd like a double Smash Burger with no onions and extra pickles."

"If you want a Smash Burger, you'll have to rent a room and order room service."

"Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch." Link sighed as he left.

"Boy, you reeled that one in like a pro."

"Okay Dark Pit, _you_ man the front desk." Dark Pit then went behind the counter as Kirby came in.

"I'd like a Smash Burger, please."

"This is a hotel now. If you want a Smash Burger, you'll have to get a room and order room service."

"Okay, one Smash Burger and one room with cheese. Oh, and can I get cheese on the Smash Burger, too?"

"Kirby, you only live 400 yards away. Why do you want to check into a hotel?"

"Sometimes I just need to get away from it all." Kirby then rang the bell on the counter. "Wow, this hotel has everything!"

"Gimme that!" Dark Pit snatched the bell and placed a paper on the counter. "Now sign the register."

"I didn't know there would be a test! I didn't study!"

"Kirby, all you have to do is write your name."

"Oh, okay." Kirby took the pen and started writing. "Do you mind?!" Dark Pit turned away as he continued writing. "Done!" Kirby showed Dark Pit the paper, which was a drawing of him and an airplane.

"Close enough. Here's your room key."

"I'll need some help with my bags."

"How can you have bag?! You just found out this is a hotel!"

"This is a hotel?"

"Pit-stain!" Dark Pit groaned.

"Yes, Pittoo?"

"Take Kirby and his bags to his room."

"What about my Smash Burger?"

"And bring him a Smash Burger."

"Dark Pit, you can take Kirby's bags up to his room. Pit, you go make the Smash Burger."

"Oh, Mr. Mario!"

"What's the matter? Afraid of a little manual labor? I'm Dark Pit and I have to work for a living." Mario fake cried.

"Fine. Let's go, Kirby." Dark Pit started to carry Kibry's extremely heavy bags as he made his way to the elevator.

"This elevator is for guests only. Take the employee elevator."

Dark Pit walked over to the other elevator, which turned out to be a long staircase. He grumbled as he made his way up the stairs. Eventually, he made it all the way up just as Kirby got off the guest elevator. "What's in these bags, rocks?" The bags then opened, revealing that there were in fact rocks in them. "Hey, these _are_ rocks! Why is your suitcase full of rocks?"

"I don't tell you how to live _your_ life!"

"Well, here's your room." Dark Pit opened the door to Kirby's room, and he gasped in awe. "Enjoy your stay."

"Pittoo, wait!" Kirby took out a rock and gave it to Dark Pit. "Keep up the good work and there'll be more where that came from."

"Your Smash Burger, sir." Pit said as Dark Pit tried to throw the rock. "Hey Pittoo, cool rock."

"Hold on a second, Pit." Kirby handed Pit a dollar, making Dark Pit scowl. "Here you are, my good man."

"Why, thank you, Kirby!"

"There's plenty more where that came from, my good friend." Dark Pit became frustrated as he looked at his rock. "Pittoo!"

"What now?!"

"I don't like crust on my sandwich!"

"It's a bun! It's all crust! How am I supposed to cut the crust off a bun?"

"Peel it."

Dark Pit took the Smash Burger and angrily peeled the crust off of the bun. "Happy?" Kirby quickly inhaled the burger.

"Room service! Here's the 50 Smash Burgers you ordered."

"Could you do one more thing for me?"

"Why don't you ask Pit-stain?"

"Good idea, Pittoo!"

"How may I serve you, sir?"

"I need you to eat these Smash Burgers with me."

"Oh, yes, sir!" Pit and Kirby began to eat the Smash Burger while Dark Pit headed down the employee elevator. He then reached downstairs where Mario was on the phone.

"Hold on. Dark Pit! Kirby needs your help."

"What?! Why didn't he ask me before I walked all the way downstairs?"

"He said he didn't want to bother you, but he got over it."

Dark Pit started to unclog the toiled and ended up pulling out Pit. "Thanks, Pittoo!" Dark Pit put Pit back into the toilet and headed back downstairs.

"Mr. Mario, this is ridiculous! Kirby's being completely unreasonable!"

"He can be as unreasonable as he wants! The plaque, Dark Pit, the plaque!"

"But Mr. Mario..."

"Deny no guests!" The phone then rang. "Why hello, Kirby. You need Dark Pit to come up right away? He'll be right there."

"A bubble bath?! Why would I give you a bubble bath?!"

"Well, because Mr. Mario said you would! Well, be sure to make my back extra shiny clean."

"That's it! I've had enough!"

"Pittoo, wait! The toilet's backed up again!"

Mario saw Dark Pit coming out of the guest elevator. "Hey! Hey, you can't take that elevator! You're an employee!"

"Not anymore. I quit." Dark Pit threw his uniform at Mario.

"Quit? You can't quit." Dark Pit walked out of the hotel and then came back a moment later with vacation clothes. "Welcome to Smash Towers...Dark Pit?!"

"One room, please. On the top floor."

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I need a vacation. I'm overworked. And what better place to relax than Smash Towers? Where 'we shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request'."

"I don't have to rent you a room!"

"I've got cash."

"Oh...here's your room key."

"Pit-stain, carry my things to my room."

"Aye aye, guest sir." Pit grabbed Dark Pit's bags and then flew up through the ceiling.

"And you can carry me to my room."

"And why in tarnation would I do that? You got two legs that aren't broken."

"The plaque." Mario then proceeded to carry Dark Pit all the way up the stairs. "Too bad we couldn't take the elevator, but it is for guests only, and you are an employee."

"You're room, sir." Pit said.

"And I'd like to order room service. I'd like a Smash Burger with cheese, toenail clippings, and nose hairs."

Mario gasped. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"And I want it here in five seconds."

"Yes, sir!" Pit quickly ran out of the room and came back with the burger. "Here you are, sir."

"Well, you got your stinky sandwich. Now eat it."

"Oh, _I'm_ not gonna eat this. You are."

"What?! You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that!"

"Psst, that's not really a Smash Burger with cheese, toenails, and nose hairs." Pit whispered to Mario.

"Now, I get ya, boy. Alright, Dark Pit." Mario ate the burger, and instantly spit it out when he realized that it really had toenails and nose hairs, much to Dark Pit's laughter. "Pit!"

"Sorry, Mr. Mario! We were all out of cheese."

"Hooray!" Kirby cheered as everything in his room was covered in cheese.

The phone then rang, and picked it up. "What is it, Dark Pit?"

"Send up a dozen cookies just like mom used to make."

Mario then came back moments later with a plate of cookies. "Here's your homemade cookies."

Dark Pit tasted a cookie and then spit it out. "These don't taste anything mom used to make!"

"Well, how _did_ your mother make 'em?"

"How should I know?! Ask my mother!"

* * *

Mario and Pit headed over to a house wearing ski masks. Mario rang the doorbell, and an elderly looking dark angel stepped out.

"Hello?" Mario and Pit then approached her.

Mario tried to get a big sack into the trunk of his car, but the door wouldn't close. "Pit!" Pit went over and hit the sack with a shovel, but the trunk still wouldn't close.

"No good, Mr. Mario."

"Allow me, boy." Dark Pit's mother managed to close the trunk door with ease.

"Great! Now that my laundry's in the trunk..."

"There's room for you to sit up front!"

"Let's go bake some cookies, boys."

* * *

"Well?" Mario asked as Dark Pit was trying a cookie.

"I'm impressed! These are just like mother used to make! I just wish mom was a better cook."

"So you're all taken care of?"

"Hm, just one teensy tiny problem. This room is hideous. Redesign it. Zeus the 14th would be nice."

"What?"

"'We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.'" Mario and Pit started to change the room through different themes, such as a blue theme, a modern theme, a country theme, and even a torture theme, before they then went back to the original theme. "Perfect!"

"This room is exactly the same as when we started!"

"Nothing like getting back to basics."

"Let's get outta here, Pit!"

"Oh, before you leave, I wanna go swimming."

"The pool's out back!"

"Are you crazy? I'm not going outside to swim."

* * *

Dark Pit was now swimming in a large swimming pool, which was inside the room. "Come on in, the water's fine." Pit then jumped in.

"Anything else stupid and unreasonable that you want?" Mario asked.

"Nope, that's it."

"You don't need me to chew your food for ya? Or make you a back scratcher out of my own spine? Or maybe extinguish the sun so the light won't get in your eyes?!"

"No, I'm good."

"Me, too." Pit added.

"Wow, an indoor pool?! Well, this place _is_ fancy! Cannonball!" Kirby jumped into the pool, but it collapsed the whole building back into the Smash Burger.

* * *

"Oh, that hotel was a bad idea from the start." Mario muttered as he and the others were now at the hospital.

"That was a hotel?" Kirby asked.

"Your bill, sir." A nurse then showed Mario the bill.

"$15,000?!"

"You're not gonna have a heart attack, are you?" Dark Pit asked.

"Not at these prices! Forget hotels. This hospital rack is where the money is!"

"This is a hospital?"

"Pack your bags, boys! You're going to medical school!" Mario announced, and Pit and Kirby cheered.

"Oh, boy." Dark Pit muttered plaintively.


	37. Lady Palutena, You're Fired

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 37: Lady Palutena, You're Fired

* * *

"Morning, Lady Palutena. I'm Dr. Wright. I represent the 'Boating School Teachers Accreditation Bureau'. As you know your teaching certificate is up for renewal. However, we have noticed there have been an unusual large number of failings from this classroom."

"That's impossible. In all my years of teaching, only one student has failed my class."

"Yes, but he's failed 1,258,056 times."

"You don't understand. Pit is unteachable."

"We cannot blame the students for the incompetence of the teacher."

"Honk honk! Beep beep! I'm ready to drive. Are you ready for my driving test today, Lady Palutena?" Pit asked.

"Okay, Lady Palutena, if Pit fails this test, you will be replaced."

Palutena got in the car with Pit and Dr. Wright. "Okay, Pit, let's demonstrate for Dr. Wright everything I've taught you in driving school. Now, what's the first thing we do before we start driving?"

"Seat-belt-aroony. One second." Pit began to buckle his seatbelt but got tangled in it as Dr. Wright wrote on his notepad.

"Then what do you do?" Palutena asked.

"Start the engine?"

"Yes."

Pit then started the car. "Now what do I do?"

"Drive the car."

Pit drove the car right into another car. "Did I pass this time, Lady Palutena?"

"No, Pit, you failed."

"I failed?"

"It's not you that failed, Pit. It's Lady Palutena that's failed you. You are relieved of your teaching duties."

"I won't be teaching Pit anymore?" Palutena started laughing rather hysterically. "No more...Pit? I thought this day would never come. Goodbye, Pit! Have a nice life." She hopped out of the car and started cheering with joy. "Free at last, free at last!"

* * *

"I got Lady Palutena fired." Pit sighed sadly as he sat in the classroom. Suddenly, there was banging and crashing as the new driving teacher burst into the room. It was a middle-aged man dressed up like a drill sergeant.

"Hello, worthless students. I'm your new instructor." Snake smashed Palutena's nameplate on the desk. "No one's ever failed my class...that's lived through it. I can assure you these next 4 weeks will be the worst years of your miserable lives. Your spine will break, your teeth will ache, your eyes will be bloodshot. You will drive out of this school in style. Or you will be carted out in your granny's hand basket. Everyone will follow the rules of the class. First rule: No talking."

"Does that mean..." Ness began before Snake grabbed him and threw him through the door.

"Second Rule: No eating in my class. Would anyone care for a bon-bon?"

"Uhh, I'll eat one." Lucas volunteered, and everyone gasped.

"Pick your favorite." Lucas took a bon-bon and ate it. "How's it taste?"

"It's a delightful taste sensation."

"No eating in my classroom!" Snake grabbed Lucas and threw him through another door. "Now, if anyone else is man enough to stay in this class..." Everyone but Pit ran out of the room. "Looks like you're the man, angel."

"I am?"

* * *

"Do you wanna learn how to drive or what?"

"Yes, sir! I'm ready to drive!" Pit jumped into the car.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Ready for my test, sir."

Snake took Pit out of the car. "You're not ready to drive yet until you learn that first." He showed roads will all sorts of obstacles. "This is the most grueling driving course ever devised. You will learn every turn, bump, and crack on it. You'll start out crawling it."

"Crawl?"

"Hut two. Hut two. Hut two. Hut two." Snake ordered, and Pit quickly got onto his hands and feet and began to crawl through the course.

"Left turn. Crack. Bump. Nickel. Hey a nickel!"

"Keep your eyes on the road, cadet."

"Pebble!" Pit began to crawl faster and more out of control and ended up getting the pebble stuck in his hand and started screaming. He rolled down the obstacle course then into the air, and then back down where Snake caught him as he stopped screaming. "Whew!"

"I'm ashamed of you, cadet. Tripped up by a wee pebble." Snake pulled the pebble out of Pit's hand and crushed it. "What are you suppose to be learning in my class?"

"How to drive, sir?"

"Affirmative. But before you learn to drive, you must learn to crawl. Then you learn to walk and then you learn to run. But before you learn to walk, you must learn to crawl! I want you to crawl!"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Now get out there!" Pit crawled around a hole then Snake took off his shoes and ordered him to carry him on his back. He then stopped at a stop sign, and ran in and out of some radioactive waste.

* * *

"Every good driver needs to know his vehicle inside and out." Snake handed Pit a wrench. "Here, go take that car apart." He took the car apart. "I'm impressed, son. Put it back together again!"

Pit laughed. "That'll be easy."

"Are you sure?"

"Um, yeah. You just put the jigamahoo on the doohicky and uhh...I might need a couple minutes." Moments later, had managed to put the car back together and woke up a sleeping Snake. "It's ready, sarge!" Pit showed that had re-assembled the car into a rocket ship.

"Oh, brother..." Snake muttered as the rocket blasted off.

(Line Break)

"Watch for pedestrians. Check mirrors. Observe that speed limit. Watch for pedestrians!" Pit crashed through a lot of pedestrian cut-outs. "So, umm, how'd I do?"

"How'd you do? Why don't you ask the shattered remains of this pedestrian...HOW YOU DID!"

"Now I know this forwards, backwards, and sideways. Am I ready to get behind the wheel?"

"Not quite." Snake put a blindfold on Pit. "Now do it blindfolded."

 **Several days later...**

"1003, 1004, 1005. Ooh, pebble #143. Ha! You will not trip me up pebble #143. 1006, 1007, 1008. Old lady with a ham sandwich. 1009, 1010, 1011, 1012, 10...13."

"Congratulations. You're ready to get behind the wheel."

"Really? I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm..." Pit ran right into a pole.

* * *

"Let's see what I taught you, laddy."

"Yes, sir!" Pit began to drive the car. "Left turn at pebble #143. Kid with a ball. Nice boy."

"Nice driving. Now parallel park up ahead." Pit parallel parked. "Very good."

* * *

Now it was time for the real exam. "Now, boy, the time has come to show Dr. Wright what you've learned."

"Yes, sir! Step 1: Seatbelts." Pit managed to put on his seatbelt with no problem.

"Excellent work, cadet. What's next?"

"Step 2 would be...ignite engine."

"Step 3?"

"Step 3 would be..." Pit took out a blindfold. "...engage blindfold."

"What? You can't drive a car with a blindfold on. That's illegal."

"But I can't do it without a blindfold."

"Drive, boy! Drive!"

Pit stepped on the gas pedal and drove off. He failed to make the first turn and ended up crashing right into a gas can, causing the driving school to explode in a giant mushroom cloud and sending debris flying everywhere. As the debris begins to clear, the car flew into the air and began soaring.

"Mayday! Mayday! You're off course." The car drove right into 2 buildings then underground before spurting out from a fire hydrant. They then crashed through a bakery and into a field where Palutena was busy painting the scenery.

"Ah, I feel so serene now that I'm away from that homicidal maniac, Pit." Palutena noticed a car heading right towards her and tried to paint something really quick. The car then ran into her, and the painting showed Pit, Snake, and fearing for their lives.

"The brake son!" Snake yelled.

"Aye aye, sir." Pit got down and took apart the brake. "There you go, sir. All I had to do was unscrew two of the bolts."

"I'm gonna stop this thing. Tell my wife I love her." Snake jumped in front of the car to try to stop it. "Come get some!" The car then ran him over.

"Man down! Man down!" Pit drove right into the city and began to destroy many buildings. "Sorry, excuse me. Sorry."

"Hey, Pit!"

"Sorry Kirby, I can't stop the car right now." The car drove out of the now destroyed city, and Pit was driving while wearing a pair of pants over his eyes. "I can't see! I can't see! Hey, I can't see!" He managed to dodge traffic and pedestrians as he parallel parked. "Did I pass?"

"Well, if there was a 'destroy the city' part of the test, you would have. Sorry, Pit, you failed again. Even our finest instructor could not teach you. Lady Palutena, you're hired again."

* * *

"Hey, Lady Palutena! Sorry I'm "unteachable"."

"It's okay. Dr. Wright gave me my teaching certificate back." Palutena sniffled as she held up a burnt, charred object. "And your dossier was destroyed in the explosion, so it's as if you never failed."

"I got you a welcome back gift, Lady Palutena." Pit showed Palutena her fixed name tag. "I found all the pieces and glued them back together. I promise it won't take me a million tries this time."

Palutena put her head down on the desk and began to sob quietly, and the name tag completely shattered.


	38. The Lost Mattress

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 38: The Lost Mattress

* * *

"Wow, this time I'm really late again. Maybe he'll finally fire me." Dark Pit laughed as he walked into the closed front doors of the Smash Burger. "Locked?"

"This isn't happening. This isn't happening!"

"Pit-stain?"

Pit lay in a fetal position in front of the Smash Burger, knocking his head on the front doors. "The horror, it's unspeakable. Don't you see, Pittoo? It's closed! The Smash Burger is closed!"

"You mean I got out of bed for nothing?"

"The doors are locked. The doors are locked and we are on the outside. Outsiders. What are we going to do, Pittoo? There are Smash Burgers inside all alone."

"Just stand aside, lad, and let me unlock the door."

Pit turned around. "Mr. Mario, you're here! Gosh, Mr. Mario, we were worried something might have happened to you. That the world would've been deprived of the greatest food known to man."

"Oh, you made me drop my keys. Give me some space, lad. Can't a plumber get a little space now?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Mario." Pit cried.

"Harsh." Dark Pit laughed.

Mario bent over to pick up the keys and ended up cracking his back. "Arrgh, my back!"

"Are you hurt, Mr. Mario?" Pit asked.

"No. I'm just doubled over in pain, fightin' back tears in my eyes because it's a new dance craze!"

"Oh good, I thought you were hurt."

"I am hurt, ya idiot!" Mario shouted, causing Pit's lip to quiver. "I'm sorry I snapped at ya, laddie. It's just my back is killing me. It's my old, lumpy mattress. It's like trying to sleep on broken sticks. I'm going out of my mind."

"Poor Mr. Mario. What are we going to do, Pittoo?"

"Why do anything? I like the new Mr. Mario. He yells at you more." Dark Pit laughed.

"I'm serious, Pittoo."

"So am I."

"We should get Mr. Mario a new mattress and surprise him with it as a gift. Then we'll never have to be late to work again."

"What? You want me to spend my hard earned money on my richer than my skin flint boss? No, thank you."

"That's okay, Pittoo, you'll warm up to the idea."

* * *

"Thanks for coming with me, Kirby."

"No problem, buddy. I always wanted to go to a mattress store." Pit and Kirby entered the store and gasped in awe.

"I've never seen so many mattress."

"Yeah."

"How many do you think there are?"

Kirby looked around and thought for a moment. "10."

"Cool."

"There's plenty more than that. Try them out. Find one you like."

Pit and Kirby then tried several mattresses, such as ones that sunk deep, were rock hard, and even one that was covered in needles.

* * *

Pit and Kirby laughed as they lay on the floor in the Smash Burger.

"What are you morons doing?" Dark Pit asked.

"Making a card for Mr. Mario. To go with his new mattress." Pit answered.

"Oh, I see. You're just kissing up to the boss to make me look bad. Well, I won't stand for it. Gimme that card." Dark Pit grabbed the card and signed it. "Trying to outsmart me, will ya? There, I signed it for all of us."

"Hey, you didn't even help pay." Kirby pointed out.

"Oh, that's okay, as long as Mr. Mario is happy with his new mattress."

* * *

"Oh, my back. Well, here goes another useless attempt to sleep on my mount less, lumpy mattress." Mario lay on his mattress and noticed something odd. "Huh, that's weird. My mattress seems strangely cozy and butter-like..." He then fell asleep and Pit, Kirby, and Dark Pit jumped out.

"Surprise!"

"Armageddon! What? Oh, you? What in the blue eye scallop are you doing in my bedroom?"

"We noticed how miserable you were on your lumpy, old mattress." Pit answered.

"So I suggested we get you a new one." Dark Pit added.

"I thought it was your idea." Kirby whispered to Pit.

"So, where's my old mattress then?" Mario asked through gritted teeth.

"Don't worry, Mr. Mario, I took care of that personally, too. I had it hauled away to the dump." Dark Pit replied.

Mario suddenly jumped on Dark Pit. "All my money was in that mattress!"

"What?! Haven't you ever heard of a bank?!"

"No!" Mario began to walk backwards, hitting his lamp and trashing some books.

"Mr. Mario!" Pit gasped.

"No!" Mario then fainted onto the floor.

"And we got you a card." Kirby said.

Mario lifted his head up. "Is there money in it?"

"Nope." Kirby answered, and Mario fainted again.

* * *

"Is it serious, doctor? Will Mr. Mario be alright?" Pit asked as they were now in the hospital.

"Mr. Mario is in a cash-coma. Only the return of his money can save his life." Dr. Mario answered.

"It was Pit-stain's fault. Getting Mr. Mario a new mattress was his idea."

"I knew it!"

"Not so fast! This card says 'This was all my idea. Love, Dark Pit.' If Mr. Mario doesn't pull through, you're going to jail." Fox warned.

"Ooh...you did this, Pit-stain! If you don't get Mr. Mario's mattress back from the dump, I am going to murd..." Dark Pit threatened as Fox cleared his throat. "...help you do it myself."

"Wow, he really does care."

(Line Break)

"What a dump." Kirby commented as they were now at the dump.

"We gotta get in there, Pittoo. Mr. Mario is counting on us."

"Hey, Pit, isn't that the mattress over there?"

"Terrific, Kirby, you found it!"

"What? Where? Lemme see. Where?"

"There it is Pittoo, underneath that really big Chain Chomp."

"Oh, that figures."

* * *

"Oh no, this is horrible."

"What is it, doctor?" The nurse asked.

"This man has no insurance."

"He'll never be able to afford this room!"

"You're right, nurse. Extract the patient to the hallway. Stat!" The nurse pushed Mario out of the room and into a snack machine.

* * *

"Well, that's Mr. Mario's mattress, alright. Let's go get it."

"Okay, here's the plan: you two quietly go in there, remove the mattress out from the Chain Chomp without...waking...the Chain Chomp." Dark Pit explained.

"Why not?" Kirby asked.

"Because that would be rude, Kirby."

"And nothing's meaner than a Chain Chomp. He'll eat you alive!"

"Hey, wait a minute, what are you gonna do?"

"Oh, I've got the most important job. I'm going to keep watch to make sure it's safe."

"Gee, thanks buddy."

"My pleasure. Now let's gets a move on."

Pit and Kirby then climbed up the fence. "Ah, isn't it beautiful, Kirby? You can see everything from up here."

"Wow." They both sighed.

"What are you morons doing?"

"Hey, Kirby, I think I can see our houses from here."

"Where? I can't see them." The fence then flipped around and Dark Pit got on the inside and Pit and Kirby got on the outside.

"Wow." Pit and Kirby laughed.

"Let's do it again."

"What did you idiots do?"

"Pittoo, what are you doing in there? You were suppose to keep watch."

"Yeah, and you woke up the Chain Chomp too." Pit added.

"I didn't do it! You blockheads woke...the...Chain Chomp." Dark Pit screamed as the Chain Chomp began to attack him.

* * *

"Doctor?"

"Yes, doctor?"

"Regarding your patient, doctor. I have come to this conclusion."

"Yes, go on."

"We have to surgically remove him out from in front of the candy machine so I can get to the nutty nut bar."

"Of course. Nurse?"

"I'm on it." The nurse took Mario and wheeled him outside the hospital.

* * *

Pit and Kirby climbed down a rope to get inside the gate. "Chomp bait to the retriever. Chomp bait to the retriever. We're in. Out." Pit spoke to Dark Pit.

"Retriever to Chomp bait, stay in. Don't go out."

"Understood. Out."

"No! In! Out."

"Understood. Out."

"Oh, look, you're at the far side of the dump, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Good. Then make lots of noise to draw the Chain Chomp away from the mattress so I can retrieve it."

"Affirmative. Out. Oh, that's why he calls himself 'The Retriever'."

"Why are we called 'Chomp-bait?'" Kirby asked.

"I dunno." The two of them started making loud noises using pots and pans to draw the Chain Chomp away from the mattress.

"And my perfect plan falls into place." Dark Pit laughed.

"Uhh, Pit?"

"Yes, Kirby?"

"I think I know why our code name is 'Chomp-bait'." The Chain Chomp rushed over and growled at the two of them until it noticed the wooden spoon in Pit's hand

"Nice Chain Chomp. Good, kind, gentle Chain Chomp." The Chain Chomp's eyes became fixated on the wooden spoon.

"Ohh, Pit, he likes your wooden spoon."

Pit moved the spoon around and the Chain Chomp's eyes followed. "Wow, I think you're right, Kirby."

"See if he plays catch."

"Okay, see the stick boy? Go get it, boy!" Pit threw the spoon and the Chain Chomp chased after it.

"Coast is clear. Dark Pit, you are a genius." A wooden spoon suddenly hit Dark Pit on the head. "Ouch. What the...? Hey, I needed a wooden spoon. I'll just keep it safe from harm in my back pocket. And now for the mattress." The Chain Chomp then came and bit him in the butt. "I should've guessed."

* * *

"Excuse me, doctor."

"Administrator, what can I do for you?"

"It has come to my attention that your patient, Mr. Mario, is outside on the front sidewalk."

"Yes, yes he is."

"What were you thinking, man? We're trying to run a business. We can't leave patients on the sidewalk."

"Not to worry. Nurse!"

"I'm on it." The nurse pushed Mario away from the hospital and down a hill.

* * *

Back at the dump, dawn was breaking.

"Alright, you two, what's the holdup?" Dark Pit asked.

"We feel silly." Pit answered.

"Come on, do it for old man Mario."

"Okay." Pit and Kirby jumped out of the portable potty in steak costumes. "Can you explain the plan again, Pittoo?"

"Sure, but first, put on this cologne."

"Steak sauce?" Pit shrugged and began to put the sauce on his body.

"Okay, so you are dressed as choice cuts. You go in there and yell 'Trick or treat!' The Chain Chomp will realize he forgot to stock up on Halloween candy, he'll leave to buy some then we take the mattress."

"Gimme that cologne." Kirby took the bottle and put the steak sauce on his body.

"Now get in there!"

"Happy Halloween, Pittoo!"

"I am not going to get hurt this time." Dark Pit then heared some rattling in the distance. He looked to see Mario on his hospital bed rolling down the street towards the dump. "Isn't that Mr. Mario?" Dark Pit screamed as he ran him over, crashed through the gate, and ran into a rock, causing the bed to flip him over in front of his mattress. The Chain Chomp then started to growl.

"That Chain Chomp doesn't look very happy."

"Run, Mr. Mario! Run like you're not in a coma!" Pit shouted.

Mario started to sniff around. "It's...my money!" The Chain Chomp snarled as he sent it into the air and off the mattress. "Oh, money. I promise I'll never leave you alone again."

"Hey, Mr. Mario." Mario jumped onto his mattress and barked. "No, Mr. Mario, it's us!"

"Trick or treat."

"Oh, hey, Pit. I didn't recognize you. Say, why are you two dressed like meat?"

"Not just meat, we're choice cuts! Right, Pittoo?"

"Oh, I give up." The Chain Chomp landed in Dark Pit's arms snarling at him, and he ran off as it began chase him.


	39. Mega Man and Proto Man VI

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 39: Mega Man and Proto Man VI: The Motion Picture

* * *

A car drove up then stopped. A figure got out and looked up to see someone standing on top of a building.

It's Mega Man! Savior of the world! And his young fit servant, Proto Man.

"Mega Man and Proto Man...unite!" The two robots put their fists together then they jumped down onto the car. "Snake Man, this is a posted, no-parking zone."

"But I must do what I do." Snake Man jumped up in the air until he noticed that his car was being towed, and then jumped down and walked away.

"Evil can't park here between the hours of 6:00am and 12:00pm!" The video then ended and a fan club who was watching the video cheered.

"Mega Man and Proto Man Fan Club members unite!" All of the fans cheered.

"And now the second order of business: Drippy Brothers Studios is currently in production of the Mega Man and Proto Man movie!" The club leader announced.

"Oh boy, Kirby, I can hardly wait to see our favorite heroes on the big screen!" Pit said excitedly, and Kirby laughed.

"Third order of business, the special surprise guest!" Everyone gasped. "The stars of the Mega Man movie are here tonight! Directly from the set, here they are!" The curtain opened to reveal two people dressed up as Mega Man and Proto Man.

"Hello, little heroes." The man dressed up as Mega Man greeted.

"Huh?" Kirby asked in confusion.

"You're not Mega Man and Proto Man. You're fakes!" Pit pointed out.

"Well, of course, we are. We're actors."

"Actors? How can they make a Mega Man movie without the real Mega Man and Proto Man?"

"Listen, kid, this is an action movie. You're has-been heroes are too old for action.

"Mega Man is timeless!"

"Yeah!" Kirby agreed.

"I think I speak for everyone here when I say we won't stand for these two phony-baloney ruining the good name of our heroes. No right-minded Mega Man and Proto Man society member would ever pay to see this...this celluloid hoax. I say we boycott this movie! Now who's with me?" Pit and Kirby got thrown out of the building. "Traitors! Wait till we tell Mega Man about this."

* * *

At the retirement home, everyone was playing bingo. "B-47."

"BONKO!" Mega Man shouted.

"It's 'bingo'." Proto Man reminded as he put his hand on him.

Mega Man slapped his hand away. "Get your hands off me, woman!"

Pit then walked in angrily. "Too old for an action movie...huh."

"What is it this time, kid?" Proto Man asked.

"Are you aware Drippy Brothers Studio is making the Mega Man and Proto Man movie?"

"They can't be making a movie about us!"

"But they are! And they're using...actors." Pit whispered that last word, and Mega Man and Proto Man gasped. "They have shunned our heroes."

"And they weren't nice to them either." Kirby added.

"Now our dreams of being big screen heroes will never come true." Mega Man sobbed.

"Well, that makes it even worse." Pit muttered.

"You bet it does, kid."

"And the worst part is I can't remember why I started crying."

"Why don't we just make our own movie?"

"Kirby, once again, you have exposed your brilliance. We'll make a real Mega Man and Proto Man movie. Right here at Shady Shoals."

"You will?" Mega Man asked.

"Yes! And in doing so, we will right the wrong done to you by the evil Drippy Brother Studios and...their actors."

Mega Man jumped on top of the table. "Vindication is ours! Vindi...how did I get up here?"

* * *

"Okay, Kirby, what do we need to start a movie?" Pit asked as they were now at the Smash Burger.

"Popcorn?"

"No, Kirby, to start making a movie.

"Oh, oh, oh..."

"Let's start with...the title."

"Yeah, yeah. Ooh! I got one! 'Adventures in the Underground City'."

"Great Kirby, what happens?"

"Well, there's a city..."

"City..." Pit wrote on a typewriter.

"And it's underground..."

"Underground..."

"And they have an adventure..."

"Adventure..."

"The end."

"End. That's great, Kirby. Hmm, seems kinda short."

"I have an idea. Let's make it longer!"

"Longer, yes. Ok, let's have Mega Man get his face shrunk."

"Yeah, and then he...umm...he drinks...cheese coffee."

Pit laughed. "Good one, Kirby."

"What are you lads doing?" Mario asked as he walked over to the table.

"We're making a movie."

"Great! I got cinema's newest star, right here." Pit looked through his fingers to see Phosphora holding a Smash Burger on a tray.

"So, what do you say, lad?"

"Sure Mr. Mario, Phosphora can be in our movie."

"I wasn't talking about Phosphora. I was talking about the Smash Burger."

Phosphora looked at the Smash Burger and started to cry. "You can be in it too, Phosphora."

"I'm gonna be a movie star."

* * *

"Let's meet the highly skilled professionals who will help us fulfill your dream of being on the big screen. Viridi will handle the stunts and explosives. Phosphora is the leading lady. Mr. Mario will cater the affair. Kirby will run the camera."

"Hey..." Kirby knocked over the camera and got tangled up in roll.

"This is Pittoo. He's in charge of the makeup department."

"Uh, no thanks. Who wants to be the 'makeup department'?" Dark Pit asked as he started to walk away.

"Not makeup department, you're the makeup artist."

"Artist?"

"Makeup artist."

"Well then let's make those old crabapples sizzle." Dark Pit looked at the two heroes. "Hmmm...Time for the art-eest to go to work." He took out the flamethrower and got right to work as banging and screaming could be heard. "Voila!"

"Ok, places everybody. Pittoo, are our heroes ready?"

"As they'll ever be."

Pit gasped. "They're beautiful." Mega Man and Proto Man's bodies were all tied up. "They look just like they did 30 years ago. Ok...action!

There was then an explosion. "I love my new job."

"Good job, Viridi."

"Psst..." Pit looked to see Mewtwo wearing a helmet. "I, Bass, have returned from the murky depths to seek my revenge and banish your souls to the nether regions. Their defenses are strong, but they are no match for my Bass ray." He took out a flashlight and turned it on.

"What are you doing?"

"Pit, this role was made for me."

"That villain isn't even in this movie. But let me see if we have something that fits your qualifications. Oh, here's something." Pit took a microphone stand and handed it to Mewtwo. "You can be the boom operator."

"I thought Viridi was the boom operator."

"Did somebody say boom?" Viridi asked as there was another explosion.

"All right, Pit, but you're squandering my talents."

"Okay, Kirby, start the movie!"

"Take 1." The assistant said.

"We have to get back to those swollen Smash Burgers."

"Cut! No, Mega Man, it's 'stolen Smash Burgers'." Pit reminded.

"Take 2."

"We have to get back to those stolen naggie daddies."

"Cut! No, Mega Man, it's "stolen Smash Burgers."

"Take 5,003."

"We have to get back to those stolen Smash Burgers! And if we don't stop that diabolical scoundrel-" Mega Man mumbled as Mewtwo accidentally shoved the microphone into his mouth.

"Give it back!"

"I knew this was a bad idea." Proto Man muttered.

"Cut! Mewtwo, next time could you keep the boom out of shot? Other than that, you're doing a super job."

"This is humiliating. I'm not good at this boom thing."

"Did somebody say boom?" Viridi asked as there was another explosion.

"Oh, daddy, you said I was going to be a star!"

"You are, Phosphora. Mega Man wouldn't be anywhere without you. Go out there and break a leg." Mario said.

"Yeah!"

* * *

"Okay, action!"

"To the bot mobile." Mega Man and Proto Man jumped on the bot mobile, which was actually Phosphora on her back with wheels. "Listen to that engine purr." The assistant strained as he tried to pull the three of them up a steep cliff.

"Almost there!" The assistant grabbed the edge of the cliff but it broke off, causing them to slide down, over a curved slope and into the air, and then they come crashing down onto the set.

"Everything's ruined! Well, at least we got the footage."

"Yeah, I got the footage."

"Kirby, what is that?"

"Oh, it's a camera."

"No, Kirby, this." Pit took off lens cap.

"Oh, that's a lens cap."

"Did you just put that on?!"

"Yup, I didn't want to lose it so I put it there right before we started filming."

Pit screamed and went insane, lifting up piece of ground as everyone gasped. "The movie's ruined! We can't make a movie."

Mega Man went up to Pit to try to comfort him. "Hey, little hero, this reminds me of the Episode 912. We were surrounded. The Snake Man was to our right and their broccoli on the side. But if there was one thing I remember, it was how to forget."

"Kirby, this is good. Roll the film."

"The rain in Spain stays mainly on the...space! The final countdown. Stick to the...stick to the...Lou, my darling! Lou!" Mega Man fell on the ground. "Now go out there and finish this movie, kid."

* * *

"Mr. Mario, why are you weeping?" Pit asked.

"I closed early for your movie. Where are the paying customers? You promised a full house."

"And here comes the filling!" The fan club come rushing into the Smash Burger. "The Mega Man and Proto Man Fan Club. I knew you'd come to see the real Mega Man and Proto Man movie."

"Actually, the real movie was sold out. I'll take 200 tickets, please." The club leader handed Mario a stack of money.

"Now, this is what I call a happy ending."

"Well, our big moment, us up on the big screen." Proto Man said while Mega Man was sleeping as the movie started.

"Fort Lox: home to over five billion Smash Burgers. What evil mastermind would dare infiltrate this fortified fort and make off with its treasure?" The vault is opened and a toy snake on strings came down. "It is I, Snake Man! Do what I do!"

"Stop! You can't do that forbidden." Mega Man shouted onscreen.

"Watch me!"

"Prepare to feel my wrath, you foul villain." Viridi came in as Mega Man's stunt double and fought the toy snake, and then Mega Man showed up on screen again. "You may have won the Smash Burgers, but the battle rages on. Mega Man and Proto Man, unite!"

The film ended and Pit and Kirby cheered while the rest of the fan club was disappointed.

"Well, kid, you showed the world that even though our steps may have been slowed, we still have a little action left in these heroic old circuits." Mega Man said.

"Well, at least some of them." Proto Man remarked, and all four of them laughed.


	40. Dunces and Dragons

_**Well everyone, this is it. The final Smash SpongeBob episode. I know it's a bit sad that I'm ending this series, but I feel like it's time for me to move on to other things and I think this would be a great way to end 2017. Once again, I would like to thank all of you for your support throughout this series and that it managed to reach 40 chapters. It's been a fun ride, and I hope you all enjoy this final episode.**_

* * *

Super SpongeBob Bros.

Episode 40: Dunces and Dragons

* * *

"Hurry Kirby, it's almost time for the joust."

"Right behind ya, Pit." Kirby giggled and then they both stopped in front of a castle called Medieval Moments.

"Welcome to Medieval Moments. You're just 20 wizard's paces away from swords, sorcery and bad hygiene." Pit and Kirby then ran inside.

"Right this way, please."

"Excuse me, my good man, I believe thou meant to say 'Righteth this wayeth'." Pit giggled as he and Kirby ran inside.

The guard tried to put his spear in his chest, but stopped himself. "Some day but not today."

"How's that mutton, Kirby?"

"Methinks it's mutton-tastic."

"Maurice, you're suppose to announce the jousting tournament!" The Medieval Queen reminded.

"Good evening, fair patrons of Medieval Moments. By royal decree, we ask that two audience members come forth and participate in the, uhh, royal joust." The king announced, and Pit and Kirby raised their hands. "Oh, alright. It appears that the pink puffball and the angel are our lucky contestants tonight. Hoorah."

"Isn't this exciting, Kirby? To think, we'll be watching the joust this close up."

"You won't be watching the joust, you're in the joust." The Royal Henchman reminded.

"Kirby, do you know how to ride a horse?"

"Nuh-uh." The horses galloped on opposite sides of the stadium.

"Mr. Horse, sir, you're gentle on beginners, aren't you?" Pit's horse started to ride towards Kirby.

"Pit, help!"

"Take his head off!" The crowd shouted.

"I don't suppose now would be a good time to ask for a bathroom break!" They both screamed as Pit hit Kirby right out of the stadium. "Kirby!" His horse then threw him out of the stadium.

Kirby flew through the air and landed outside. "Glad that's over." Pit then landed on top of him.

Pit noticed cavalry riding towards them. "Look, some employees from the restaurant came to help us."

"Arrest these traitors for committing the act of witchcraft by falling from the sky."

Pit touched the point of a spear. "Whoa, they really go that extra mile for authenticity. Salutations fellow knights."

"Silence, heathen!" The horseman sliced Pit's helmet in half.

"Ah! I get the point." They both got tossed into a dungeon.

"Nighty night, ladies. You'll have many more in here."

"Gee, Kirby, these props sure are convincing." They then heard the sound of a clarinet playing, and they looked to see someone who looked just like Dark Pit.

"Oh, blast this confounded instrument. If I never play with ease, may my own great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson be cursed ten-fold."

"Pittoo, what are you doing here?"

"Dost thou talketh to me?" The jester asked in confusion.

Pit laughed. "Good one, Pittoo. 'Dost thou talketh to me?'"

"Scoff not, young squire. Thou hast mistaken me for another. I am Pitly, the king's royal fool. Or at least I was until I royally messed up."

"Wow, what'd you do?"

"I'll show you." Pitly then began to sing. "I was the king's favorite fool. I made merry mirth and laughter. Then I told one bad joke and the king had a stroke, now I hang from ye olde rafter."

Kirby's stomach rumbled. "What does a guy have to do get some mutton around here? I'm starving!"

"Don't hold thy breath! We'll be lucky if we get fed again by the 12th century!"

"They sure do take their role-playing seriously around here." There was then an explosion outside.

"What's that?" Kirby asked.

"The evil wizard's dragon is here. See the townsfolk scream with fear. See the townsfolk try to run. I can tell this won't be fun. The dragon will torch everything. Everything in the valley. Hospitals, schools, retirement homes, and even ye olde bowling alley." Pitly sang.

"Knights, jesters, dragons, medieval bowling alleys, 12th century? Don't you see, Kirby? We really are in medieval times!"

"Oh no, I think I left the water running at home!"

"The king wants a word with you two." The dungeon master said.

"Yay!" Kirby cheered.

"Wait, we don't leave without Pitly."

"Why should I take him?"

"Because, umm, Pitly has thought of some brilliant songs for the king and he just has to hear them. Isn't that right, Pitly?"

Pitly nodded. "Absolutely." He then began to play his clarinet.

"Pitly, uhh, maybe you should wait for the king to hear that."

"Suit thineselves. Thou dost not knowest what thou art missing."

The king Mario sat in his throne bawling. "Woe is me. Woe is me. Woe is me. What to do? What to do?"

"Father, what art thou going on about now?" Phosphora asked.

"Oh, just the same ol' thing dear daughter. It's that wretched wizard Mewtonamor. His insidious dragon's destroyed half the kingdom. Soon, there'll be no citizens to tax. Not one of my best knights have been able to defeat him." King Mario then had a stroke.

"Father, remember your blood pressure. You wouldn't want another leech treatment, would you?"

"Your highness, the dungeon master has brought the prisoners you asked for." A henchman said.

"Well don't just stand there, send 'em in."

"Sure thing, your highness." King Mario and Phosphora looked at each other blankly as Pit, Kirby, and Pitly came in.

"Hey, Mr. Mario." Pit greeted.

"How dare you bark at me in that tone, knave! I am the feared ruler of this kingdom and will be addressed as such."

"Sorry."

"And why have you brought this fool back into my throne room?"

"If your majesty may be so kind, I think I have a song that will answer all your questions."

"Ohh, alright, alright. But this is your last chance, fool."

"Oh, thank you sir. Thank you. You won't be disappointed." Pitly blew a note in his clarinet and began to sing. "Oh hear me king for I must sing, how you are the greatest at everything. Like letting a dragon burn down our city, a horrible sight that wasn't pretty. 'Twas all your fault and 'tis a pity, you are bad, you are to blame, now hang your kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la!"

Pit and Kirby giggled, and then they joined in on the song. "The king is bad, the king's to blame, he hangs his kingly head in shame. La la la la la la la la la la la!"

"Guards, send these slanderers to the guillotine." King Mario ordered.

"Wait, you don't understand. We're not from here." Pit protested.

"That's because you're witches who were sent by Mewtonamor to destroy me."

"No, we're time travelers. Help me out here, Kirby."

"I'm not sure that there's anything I can add at this point."

"Okay, I'm through playing around. Guards!" King Mario gave the signal for the beheading.

"Father, you must spare them. Hast thou forgotten about the prophecy?" Phosphora asked.

"What prophecy?"

"The one right above your head."

"How long has that been there?"

"The story tells of two brave knights who fall from the sky, and are sent by the king to rid the lamenting town of the evil dragon controlled by the evil wizard. Father, don't you get it? It's them. These strangers have come to rescue us, like in the prophecy." Suddenly, a giant orange dragon with a flame on its tail broke through the wall.

"How dare you defile my house, demon!" The Charizard fired a stream of fire at King Mario and grabbed Phosphora. "Princess! I'm coming Phosphora. Prepare to meet thy maker, foul beast." The dragon flicked him away.

"Well, I guess this is it, Kirby."

"I guess so. I'm gonna miss you, Pit."

"I'll miss you too, buddy." Pit and Kirby started sobbing as King Mario crashed right into the guillotine, breaking it as the Charizard took Phosphora away.

"Daddy, help!"

"Phosphora! Can no one stop this madness?" King Mario looked at Pit and Kirby as the sun shone on them. "You two, my apologies. Most noble and valiant warriors."

"I guess this is what you call the royal treatment." Kirby commented.

"May Zeus grant you safety on your perilous journey to the evil wizard's castle to which no one has escaped alive."

"We're going on a perilous journey?" Pit asked.

"Well, of course, you're the chosen ones. Huh, what's this? A lost piece of the prophecy? Hmmm..."

"Lemme guess, more praise for our heroic stature?"

"Actually, it says I'm supposed to kick you out of here."

"Say no more, your majesty. Us manly knights are so manly, we kick ourselves out of places. Come on, Kirby!" Pit then kicked himself out.

"Look out trouble!" Kirby kicked himself out as well.

"Well, so much for their company." Pitly muttered and played his clarinet.

"On second thought, you better go with 'em. They could use the entertainment."

"Have it your way."

"Good luck strange ones!"

* * *

"I know we're a prophecy and all, but I don't think we can stop the dragon with our bare hands." Pit said as the three of them were now walking down the road.

"Yeah, we need some gloves."

"Perhaps yonder blacksmith can provide some arms for your battle." Pitly suggested.

"At last, an honest man of the soil. Observe, as a I effortlessly commingle with this brutish native." Pit entered the blacksmith shop. "Greetings, iron man. I am Sir Pit of Smash..." The blacksmith grabbed him with his tongs. "...ville."

"I told you people before, I'd have the rent when I have it."

"We just wanted to buy some armor."

"Well, why didn't you just say that?" The blacksmith let go of Pit. "Hmmm, I've got just the thing for you."

"This is awesome." Kirby put a helmet over the helmet he already had on his head. "Hey Pit, get out here!" Pit walked out standing on metal legs and wearing a big protective helmet. "Whoa, Pit you look incredible."

"And now for the piece de resistance." The blacksmith welded a sword and handed it to Pit. "Your sword, brave knight. Hand-forged from anodized dragon's skin. It is truly a weapon worthy of a knight of your stature."

"A little heavy, isn't it?" Pit dropped the sword and it pierced through the blacksmith's chest.

"That's gonna need some stitches. Let me see what I else I got." The blacksmith searched through a chest of weapons. "Unfortunately, all I have in the way of light weaponry is this net."

"That's perfect!"

* * *

"We doth have a long journey ahead of us."

"It's a good thing I packed us a lunch of delicious Smash Burgers." Pit pulled out a brown bag from his pocket, and as the three were walking, an evil wizard watched through his crystal ball.

"This be the legendary prophecy?" Mewtonamor laughed. "Oh, that be-eth rich. 'Twould almost insult me were it not so funny."

"Mewtonamor, thou art cocky and overly confident with thyself." The crystal ball said.

"Trusteth in me, Mother. I doth knowest what I am doing. Come hither, boy." The Charizard then appeared. "Deliver my demands onto his majesty, King ." Mewtomamor laughed and then coughed.

* * *

Pit, Kirby, and Pitly continued to walk until they reached a bridge where a dark knight blocked their path.

"Halt, who goes there?" The dark knight in a dark male voice.

"Doth my eyes betray me? 'Tis the nefarious dark knight." Pitly began to sing again. "Oh dark knight, spare us please, don't cut off our heads or boil our knees. Pray take these two and let me go free and I will give to thee some...cheese!"

"Dark knight?!" Pit and Kirby asked in shock.

"I asketh once more. Before I rip thee limb from limb, reveal thyself!"

"I am Pit and this is Kirby." Pit laughed nervously. "We've been sent to rescue Princess Phosphora from Mewtonamor."

"If thou wishes to get across, thou willst have to get through me!" The dark knight took off their helmet to reveal that it was actually a woman.

Pit gasped. "Medieval Samus! I know how to handle this: with a little karate!" They charged towards each other and Pit knocked the Dark Knight onto a rock.

"By the hammer of Odin, this be a new fighting style my eyes have not yet seen."

"I am bad, oh yeah! Whoo!"

"Doth thou tryeth to insult me? Thou willst drink from the fountain of shame!"

"Pssh, did you hear that Kirby?" The Dark Knight destroyed the armor and threw Pit into a rock. "Good one, Medieval Samus. But can you handle my feet of fury?" Pit launched himself towards the Dark Knight, but she jumped out of the way and he bounced off the rock and into her sending her onto the other rock. Pit went to attack the Dark Knight again but the she pinned him against the rock.

"Wouldst thou like a little rub down?" The Dark Knight began to rub Pit's body against the rock, but he quickly fought back and kicked right in the chest. "You have bested me, white knight...Strike quick and true, noble angel..."

"I don't understand a word you just said!" Pit laughed, but the Dark Knight looked badly hurt. "Uhh, Medieval Samus, you don't look so good. Samus? Samus?" The Dark Knight's vision started to fade, then water was thrown onto her. "Kirby, it's working. Do it again." Kirby gathered up spit and spit on her.

"Thou hath spared me kind and noble angel. And unto thee, I owe a debt of gratitude, for I will follow you on your quest to defeat Mewtonamor and learn a trifle of that karate."

"Yeah, karate!"

* * *

"Your majesty! Your majesty! A scroll hath arrived for thee." The henchman spoke frantically as he handed a scroll to King Mario.

"Thou must hand over thy village and thy throne or thy daughter shall be dipped into a cauldron of lava?! Phosphora!" King Mario heard Phosphora scream from his castle.

"That be the shriek of the fair Princess. Hark, the Princess, she screams from the tower, by the sound of her shrieks this is her final hour." Pitly sang.

"Then time be of the essence. Doth we all remember thy plan?" The Dark Knight asked.

"No, uhh, I mean yes. Yes! That's what I said, heh. Yes." Kirby stammered.

"Then let us forge on. Make way, heathens. Dark Knight coming through."

"State thy business, Dark Knight."

"These village idiots are conspirators against Master Mewtonamor and I needeth know which form of torture thy master wishes upon these wretched fools. Do I have their limbs tied to horses and swiftly yanked apart? Rip! Or pluck each individual eyelash one by one, taking away their every single last eyelash wish!"

"Very well, Dark Knight. Entrance be granted. Halt! Make a wish." The guard plucked on of Pit's eyelashes.

"Wow, goodsome thinking, Sir Pit. Posing as a frightened wee babe in ye ol' diapers did make it most believable."

"Yeah, you think we fooled them?" There was then a scream. "Wait, that's Phosphora. I must fulfill the prophecy while you untie Kirby and the royal doofus."

"That be royal fool." Pitly corrected.

Pit started to run up the stairs with the rest of the group following. "Hang on Phosphora, we're coming to rescue you! We're a-comin'. Almost there. Oh, dear Zeus."

"Soon the King's village will be mine, mine, mine!" Mewtonamor laughed as Phosphora screamed.

"Unhand her, you fiend!" Pit panted.

"The prophecy is nigh!"

"We're here to rescue you, Phosphora. Whew! Can I get a glass of water?"

"Sparkling or regular?" Mewtonamor tossed the water away. "Psycheth!"

Pit gasped. "You truly are the nastiest wizard in all of Smashshire. Prepare to be vanquished."

"Bring it oneth, knave."

Pit and Mewtonamor began to charge at each other for battle. As the two of them were fighting, the rest of the group freed Phosphora but she crashed through the roof.

"I be-eth okay."

Pit and Mewtonamor kept fighting until Pit got burned by a stream of fire. "Wow...huh?" Mewtonamor then noticed the Charizard flying above them. "Yes! Yes! Sicketh them boy!" The fire dragon began to chase after them.

"Perhaps a soothing limerick will calm thee. There once was a dragon so handsome and smart, he let me go free for he had a big heart." Pitly sang, but then the Charizard burned him. "Everyone be-eth a critic."

Dark Knight jumped up to try to attack the dragon but it burned her.

"No! No! No!" Kirby shouted as he got burned.

"Dead end for you, simpleton." Mewtonamor laughed.

"Wait a minute." Pit took out the net and captured the Charizard. "Wow, the boys back home will never believe this."

"I'm right here and I don't believe it." The Charizard burned out of the net and cornered Pit and Kirby.

"Well, I guess this is it, Kirby."

"Yeah. Hey, can we eat those Smash Burgers now?"

"Sure, buddy." Pit took out the Smash Burgers and the Charizard took one from them and ate it. "Kirby look! He's eating the Smash Burger."

"Huh? No! No! No-o-o! The horror. The horror."

"No, Kirby, it's a good thing."

"It is?"

"Sure it is. Just listen to him purr. He loves that Smash Burger."

"Forsooth. What be-eth going on here? Destroy them! Do it now or so help me." Mewtonamor commanded.

"Umm, I'd be more than happy to make you some more of those delicious Smash Burgers." The Charizard then burned Mewtonamor.

"Curses. You win."

* * *

"Make way. Thy king's heroes cometh through. Hark! Ring the bell, 'tis all ended well! The dragon is vanquished, the princess returned, and only a few of us got badly burned!" Pitly sang at a celebration.

"Order up!" King Mario flipped a burger into the air and the Charizard caught it and ate it. "Hmmm, I doth wonder if I could sell these, uhh, Smash Burgers." He laughed as Pitly played his clarinet.

"Not that horrible noise."

"Make it stop!" A citizen threw a rock through the clarinet, making Pitly fall down and the horses to launch Pit and Kirby into the air.

* * *

Pit opened his eyes to see the Medieval Queen standing over him. "Hey kid, are you okay? That was some fall you had."

"Oh, I guess I shouldn't have agitated that horse. That was some dream, huh, Kirby? Kirby?"

"Try telling that to Pitly." Kirby got up to reveal that he had squashed Pitly into the ground like an accordion.

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **And there you have it, folks. That was the last episode of Super SpongeBob Bros. But even though this is the end of this story, Smash SpongeBob isn't quite over because I have plans on doing the first SpongeBob Movie as a parody in my story Smashing Parodies. It's going to be my fourth parody and in that story and it will be coming in mid March, so stay tuned for that. But anyway, this is Latias 4.5 signing out and I also wish you all a happy new year.**_


End file.
